Sep 27

Living On the Edge

I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not suffer.  I’m a SAHM.  I have the part-est of part-time jobs that consists of teaching three, one-hour fitness classes per week at two different gyms.  I have my Aunt, who I adore more then anything, swoop in and watch my kids ALL day on Wednesdays.  I have a husband who works his ass off so I don’t have to.  What I do have are 4 year-old twin boys who are hell bent on making sure I know what true suffering is.

I can hear my mom saying "Can you sit still for one minute?"

I can hear my mom saying “Can you sit still for one minute?”

Now before everyone gets all excited and crazy with the “you have your health” shit, I’m very grateful they are healthy.  I’m grateful that I’m healthy.  I cannot imagine what I would do if my kids, husband or immediate family was sick or had any real serious issues.  I’ve already been through the painful, awful, horrible death of my mom from cancer when I was 17 and I honestly don’t think I can live through anything even close to that again.  So, I do know what it means to suffer in the real sense…however, I feel like I’m living on the edge these days with the boys behavior.

Boys will be boys?  I think this may be the biggest line of bullshit this side of  “because they’re twins they have a built in playmate.”  I have seen other boys who do not fist fight each other at Target.  I have seen other boys who do not yell “You’re a poop head!” to their moms at the grocery store while furiously pointing a finger directly at you just so there’s no misunderstanding just exactly who the poop head is.  My boys, on the other hand, do this and so much more.

Just jumping off the couch onto my brother.  No biggie.

Just jumping off the couch onto my brother. No biggie.

Organized sports? Let’s just go down with this one, shall we?  Soccer –  Hated it, didn’t really participate and wrestled with each other almost the entire time.  Karate –  Sort of liked it for a while.  Vaughn peed on the floor during one class because he was too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom.  Their last karate class ended with all of us in the bathroom while both of them cried and begged me to let them quit.  Swim lessons –  Some days are better then others but let’s just say the lifeguards know who we are and their swim teacher is a saint.  Gymnastics – The reward for being a good listener is stamps.  I don’t think they have both gotten stamps in the same day.  Ever.  We’ve been doing gymnastics since they were 2 because it’s the only thing they remotely enjoy.

Do we really have to be here?

It’s much more fun to just wear these outfits and play with our toys.

Stores and other Public Places:  Is it normal to say prayers before you enter a checkout line?  For whatever reason (maybe it’s because they know I have to pay for stuff before we can leave and therefore I’m like a trapped animal) they go ballistic in the checkout line.  Sometimes I just close my eyes and take deep breaths like I’m in shavanasa right at that moment.  Shavanasa means “corpse pose” in yoga speak, right?  Yep, that’s what I’m going for.

Granted, they’re four.  There’s two of them.  They have a sibling their exact age with them at all times.  A lot of nights they even sleep in the same bed together!  They are extremely close and there are so, so many times I savor and treasure with them.  They can also be an overwhelming force.  Somewhere my mom is laughing her ass off because I was a rather *ahem* difficult child and she cursed swore that one day I would know what it was like.  Guess what?

Despite all the drama and fighting and tantruming (is that a word?) I keep in mind that someday very soon they will be separated at school.  The “you’re a poop head” may be replaced with “I hate you” and my heart will break wide open.  They will eventually find an activity they like and they will devour it with all the fierce competition me and my husband have for sports.  Someday soon I’ll become “the driver” and will only see my husband on Tuesdays for 7 minutes because I’m sure they will fall in love with completely different activities.  Someday I hope I will never even have to go to Target because I’ll have the freedom to visit as many different stores in a day as I need to without unbuckling car seats 37 hundred times.  I’ll probably just drive to the Target parking lot and cry my eyes out because I don’t have my babies with me anymore.  Someday.


It’s hard to keep perspective on the days when my patience is tested most.  Today I’m going to stop thinking about “someday” and settle into the moment, into the now because you never know what tomorrow will bring…

Actually, I’m pretty sure it will bring more fighting and crying and craziness but someday I’ll miss it.


How do you feel about your kids right now?  If you don’t have any, what do you imagine it will be like when you do?  SAHM or working mom?


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  1. Joi @ Rx Fitness Lady

    Wow you make it sound so glamorous! Hey…they are healthy right? Lol! You have your hands so full with what you’re doing! I get it! SAHM is just as challenging as working! You get to enjoy all the poop heads and fist fights! Fun fun and I want to too. My goal is to work part time. We shall see when the day comes!

    1. vita88

      Just living the dream over here Joi! Motherhood and parenting is an amazing journey but there’s a lot of poop involved!! You’ll be a great mom and being in great physical shape will help tremendously!

  2. Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama

    Love this! I’m a working mom, and my girls still drive me absolutely nuts in the limited time we’re together! There are Sunday evenings I’m counting down the minutes until bedtime because I can’t wait to drop my girls off on Monday morning. And I’ve only had them for two full days! But, like you, I’m trying to live in the moment, to savor the times we have together because, all too soon, they’ll be off doing their own thing and I’ll miss those crazy evenings.

    1. vita88

      Thank you for saying this Nicole!! Sometimes I feel so ungrateful for counting down those minutes (I’ve SO been there!) and it’s just nice to know I’m not alone. Thank you!!

  3. Tamara

    I feel like i’m endlessly unbuckling and buckling carseats. And I hate those straps..

    Well at 5:30 this morning, Scarlet came into our bed. Then my husband left and Des woke up around 7:30 and I decided to bring him into bed. Only he was ready to party and kept whining and kicking. So Scarlet had the best one liner of all, “He’s not very good in bed, is he?” She has no idea what she said and how funny it was.
    They’re both in good phases. I know it’s temporary but right now, they’re both in good spaces. That will probably change next week!

    1. vita88

      That is hilarious!!! I needed the laugh, so thank you. I’m hoping my boys good phase is right around the corner…

  4. Jane

    Oh this sounds so much like my nephews–hate to say it 26 years later some of those things still don’t change. Different teachers–later different schools;different sports these all helped along the way! Your right–I remember the day you were hanging out your bedroom window to escape!!!!!

    1. vita88

      Oh Jane say it isn’t so!!! They are maniacs. I know it’s all payback:-) Thanks for the reminder about my big escape! No one will ever forget that. My poor mother!!!

  5. Laura @ Mommy Run Fast

    I love this honest post! I have definitely had those moments (days sometimes weeks) of really challenging behavior. I can only imagine two at the same time is SO much worse! Especially to egg each other on in places like the check out line! Hang in there mama- you’re doing an awesome job. Thank goodness that each phase is just that… a phase. 🙂

    1. vita88

      Thanks Laura. I questioned posting it but I know there are moms out there who can relate in some way! I cannot wait for this “phase” to pass…hopefully to a good one!! Thanks again. I appreciate the support!

  6. FitBritt@MyOwnBalance

    I love hearing the stories about your kids. They always make me laugh! Do you think they discuss tag teaming against you? SAHM ARE working mothers, they just aren’t compensated nearly enough for what they do!

    1. vita88

      YES they definitely plan their attacks! We’ve heard them through the monitor at night scheming and plotting about how to take us down. It’s scary…and effective because we are worn down!
      I couldn’t agree more about SAHMS…it’s THE hardest job ever. Moms with more kids then I have should get some sort of award. Thanks Britt!!

  7. Sara @ Fit.Fun.Femme

    I wish there were more honest people out there like you. Motherhood is hard stuff. I’m not one yet, but my mom was ALWAYS honest with my brother and I. There was never any sugar coating in my house and I honestly think I’m a better person because of it. We learned how to clean toilets and give mom “space” when she was in need. You deserve an outlet to talk about the days when you’re living on the edge.

    I’d love to be a SAHM 🙂 Thanks for your honesty, poop head.

    1. vita88

      Ha ha ha!!! Love that last line. Thank you so much for saying this. I truly questioned if I should post this but hey, this is what my life is like right now and I know other moms have the same hardships. We all just want to know we’re not alone. I would give *anything* to be able to talk to my own mom and ask her how the hell she did it. She was very honest with my brother and I too – I think it’s the best way to go. Now call your mom and tell her how much you love her!

  8. Alison Hector

    They are cuties, and they sound like they’re giving you a run (pun intended) for your money, but hey, as you said, the day may come when you sit in the Target parking lot and genuinely miss all of the rambunctiousness (I think that’s a word?!) and living on the edge.

    Always love reading your take on things, Allie!

    1. vita88

      Thanks so much Alison!! I swear they really help me maintain my fitness level so that’s a plus!!

  9. Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama

    I don’t know why but I got extremely emotional reading this! THANKS A LOT (I am at work here!!!) LOL

    I guess because my 4 year old drives me bonkers. The amount of time I have to repeat things, the amount of times I have to keep him away from his little brother (and visa versa) the angry bits of “IM NOT TAKING A BATH” to “IM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL” which would make me an avid drinker (if I drank). My 4 year old drives me nuts and I cant even imagine 2 of them. Oh my word.

    At least you know you are not alone, sahm or not. We are in the SAME boat 🙂

    1. vita88

      Oh Nellie I’m so glad to know that!!! It’s emotional because it’s such a conflict of emotions! Thank you so much for your understanding!! It’s just nice to know I’m not alone in this!!

  10. The Dose of Reality

    Oh, GIRL!!! They are four and there are two of them. That’s really all you need to say. That says it ALL!!

    I’ve only ever had one four year old at a time. They are ROUGH. It’s a hard age. (As are all the other ages in their own way, of course) Add to that you have twice as many at that age and whew! You’d have to be crazy to not feel frustrated or at the end of your rope at times!!

    It does change and you do find yourself wondering what happened to the little guys you liked match box cars and Legos…But I promise you will NEVER cry because you are alone at Target. That is always a treat! 😀 –Lisa

    1. vita88

      Thank you Lisa!! I’m really hoping that 5 is better. “They” all claim things calm down a bit and communication is better but “they” also don’t have twins. Ugh.
      You are SO right about Target! What was I thinking? Thanks!!

  11. Dana

    I feel your pain. Or I felt it. But just one kid at a time. For all the great things about having two children the same age, I know there are as many challenges. But you are smart to try and keep it in perspective and savor the wonderful things about four year old twins. It will get easier in so many ways and tougher in other ways, and you’ll survive. And as Lisa said, you will never cry because you are alone in Target – it is heaven!

    1. vita88

      I always say – it doesn’t get better, it gets different – to other twin moms. It’s probably true for ALL moms.
      Target heaven!!! I can’t wait…

  12. Angela @ Happy Fit Mama

    Definitely have been there! My twins just turned 3 the beginning of the summer and it was like a crazy switch flipped. The two’s were a cake walk compared to what we’ve encountered so far. I recently heard that the four’s aren’t better. This mom referred to them as the F$cking Fours. Lovely….

    1. vita88

      Fucking fours for sure!!! I completely agree about “flipping a satan switch” at three. It’s been chaos ever since!

  13. Kim

    OH – I laughed reading this but way down deep I cried!! You know my boys are big now and we are in a whole different phase. But…..when Hunter was 3 (and i’m thinking that maybe it is the same as 4 year old twins!), I cried almost every night at dinner and truly thought that I would be an obese alcoholic before we made it through the current stage. I actually got to the point where I rarely took him anywhere because of the way he acted – it was awful!!! (in my head, I called him Damien a lot!!!) And then one day, things changed and my super sweet boy was back! Now, I go to Target and most other places by myself and sort of miss those days so long gone!
    Soon, things will be different and those days of being a “poop head” will just be a memory.

    1. vita88

      I’m SO happy to read this!! I often don’t take the kids places because of their behavior & I’m like “what am I doing wrong?” Thank you SO much for sharing this with me!!! There’s hope for all of us yet! Ha ha!!

  14. Andrea

    Let me vouch for the whole prayer before facing the public deal. Your boys are something else! I laughed out loud at fist fighting in Target. I can imagine myself strolling past the 3 of you thinking, “What the hell is going on here?” Lmbo!

    1. vita88

      You and everyone else in the store! The video footage of that could go viral, I swear!!!

  15. Leah

    You are not alone!! Most people have total meltdowns on any given day with ONE kid – and I think that is totally normal. Twin BOYS no less!! I know girls are hard too – but BOYS! They are a handful to say the least. I remember SOBBING some days after being with my boys who were 18 months apart. SOBBING. And HATING them (sorry – I really should not say that, but I was so overwhelmed). I put them to BED once at 5pm WITH NO DINNER (don’t call children’s aid on me, please). I just couldn’t take it. So while it may not help just yet – know you are NOT alone, you have your health and their health (sorry, couldn’t resist), and that THIS TOO SHALL PASS (Until you rant about the next impossible phase and it all starts over again!) Motherhood. Love it. Hate it.

    1. vita88

      You really captured it ALL Leah!!! So so so true. I have hated my kids and I would absolutely put them to bed without dinner at 5pm. Crying in bathroom? I’ve been there for sure!! Thank you so much for writing this. This too shall pass is are the words I LIVE by…because if I didn’t I would be dead for sure!

  16. Laurie Miele

    I’m just going to put it very simply. Little kids, little problems,big kids, big problems!!!!!
    Savor the moment. Most importantly, don’t forget the wine…

    1. vita88

      I never forget the wine Auntie Laurie!!!

  17. Carla

    My kids are grown but my daughter has four under four so while not twins they are very close in age. I do not like taking more than one or two at a time. One is my preference but their parents don’t like splitting them up. Especially the two oldest. My daughter says it’s because they are so close. I think it’s because she needs a freaking nap and she’s not going to get one with them there. My daughter not only has all of them she is homeschooling (the oldest will be five in October). I think I dropped my daughter on her head when she was a baby because she certainly didn’t get this from me. I would not be able to do it.

    1. vita88

      She is a freakin saint and sounds like a better person and mom then me! I honestly don’t know how anyone has more then two kids and homeschooling? Never. I don’t blame you for only wanting two at a time – that’s all anyone can handle!

  18. GiGi Eats Celebrities

    No children for me. However, I give everyone who has children, more than a world of credit! I recall how I acted when I was a youngin’ and it was NOT pretty. LOL! I can only imagine how your boys are! I observe parents and their children frequently, and it doesn’t always look like the happy parts of movies! LOL!

    1. vita88

      It is nothing like the happy parts of movies MOST of the time. Beware of having kids who are just like you were!! Payback is a bitch.

  19. Ilene

    I remember when my son was 4. I can’t even imagine multiplying that by 2! He’s almost 8 now and must tell you that “poop head” it still one of his favorite expressions!

    1. vita88

      Boys just love poop talk!?!

  20. Michelle

    My kids test my patience on a regular basis. Inevitably, when they were little, 2 would be behaving, and one wouldn’t or vice versa. Never all 3 at the same time. That would be too much to ask for. It gets easier as they get older in many ways. But I wouldn’t wish any of it away!

    1. vita88

      It’s a journey, and I’m having a particularly bad spell, but I certainly don’t wish it away!! Thanks Michelle!

  21. Kristina Walters @ Kris On Fitness

    I also have two boy. One just started college and the other is a Junior in high school. I do miss those days when they were your kids age. The nice thing about their ages are the fact I can have a conversation with them on an adult level.

    1. vita88

      Ah yes, adult conversation! The talks we have now are usually pretty funny so I try to remember that these are good times. Thanks Kris!

  22. Alexa

    Bwahahaha, my now 6 year old son was just like them, and he drove me batty and he was a singleton! From afar, they sure are adorable though!! 🙂

    I promise you, they get better when they get to be 5 or 6.

    1. vita88

      That’s what I’ve been told! I’m counting the days until their 5th birthday.
      Thanks for reading and commenting!!

  23. Jane

    Time for you to revisit this as first graders!

    1. vita88

      I had forgotten all about that post! Thank you for commenting and YES, my how times have changed.
      Thanks Janey!!

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