Feb 13

Who Is The Most Important Person In Your Life?

It sounds like a trick question. Are you thinking of all the possible answers – spouse/partner, kids, parents, maybe even a friend? If you’re lucky, there are so many possibilities.


Years ago I was watching Beyoncé be interviewed. I can’t remember who the interviewer was, but I remember she asked her this very question: “Who is the most important person in your life?” Beyoncé responded by saying “I guess it should be me, right?” and she laughed heartily, throwing her head and hair forward, then recovered and went on to explain why it should be her and all the things she wasn’t doing to take care of herself. This is Beyoncé. This was before she had a child. If she wasn’t practicing self-care, who is?

She looks happy.

She looks happy.

I have never forgotten that interview, because prior to hearing her response, my answer most definitely would have been “my kids,” or “my family” but certainly not “me.” But why not?

One of my all time favorite sayings is “If mama ain’t happy, ‘ain’t nobody happy” because it’s just so damn true. But am I living that? Sort of. I think I live with more guilt then I would like to admit and, most days, I’m making sure everyone and everything around me is a priority.

I also think women in general and moms in particular are wired to be caregivers, and not necessarily just to children, but to friends and family too. When I was growing up I was taught that my kid’s needs come first, but I live in a very different world then my mom and, unfortunately I can’t ask her about how she felt or the amount of mom guilt she had, if any.

Me and my mom hanging out happily in 1980.

Me and my mom hanging out happily in 1980. Clearly I was the most important person in her life 🙂

So, it’s Valentine’s day weekend (restraining myself from making gagging motion) and expectations are high, reservations are set and a vulgar amount of heart-shaped things have been purchased. #Guilty

At some point in your day of loving and all things hearts and rainbows, remember who the most important person in your life is, and give her some love. And possibly some chocolate. And maybe also wine. And jewelry. And…a break.

Happy Valentine’s Day Bitches! xoxo

So, who is the most important person in your life?

Is there any chance someone else saw that same interview and remembers anything about it?

What are you doing (if anything) for Valentine’s Day?


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  1. Janine Huldie

    I love your message and I know so hard not to put tons of guilt on myself being a wife and a mom and definitely never make enough time for just me. But nevertheless I am going to try one of these days to make more time for myself. Thanks for the reminder. Also, I loved the pic of you and your mom – you were such a cutie! Happy Valentine’s Day 😉
    Janine Huldie recently posted…Down with Hearts for MomsMy Profile

    1. vita88

      Make that day TODAY Janine! You certainly deserve it.
      Thanks for saying that about the picture. It’s one of my favorites and I have it somewhere I can see it multiple times a day 🙂

  2. Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama

    Ah! It’s a constant struggle I think between putting yourself first and making sure everything and everyone is taken care of, it is such a balancing act!! I agree that the most important person is me but I don’t practice that belief as often as I should.

    I love that pic of you and your mom so much.

    I am not doing anything for Valentine’s Day. We might order out but no planned reservations. I have a REALLY late job for all star weekend so I need to keep it low key. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day and give the boys kisses for me!!
    Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama recently posted…Friday Fitness: Final Prep for the #PrincessHalf + A Vlog!My Profile

    1. vita88

      Agreed that it’s a constant struggle but, until I heard that interview I never even thought of myself in the top spot. At least now I think about it and can act on it.
      It’s my favorite picture of me and her. I have it in my kitchen so see it often.
      You are just working it!!!! I also saw your comment about the Toy Fair. What’s up with that??? If you see any Skylanders this year – get a picture and my boys will love you forever 🙂 I already do! xoxoxo

  3. Hollie

    This is such a great reminder and thank you for sharing. I think it’s important for people to realize that yes, you should put yourself in front occasionally. You deserve it. This was a great reminder of that.
    Hollie recently posted…Another Two Months DownMy Profile

    1. vita88

      It’s timely for you Hollie as you’re only a few moths from your wedding. It’s an event that SEEMS like it’s all about the bride but, not so much. Good luck with putting you first 🙂

  4. Jess

    LOVE that pic of you and Mike !!

    1. vita88

      Thanks Jess! That was a great night in Vegas a few years ago. I absolutely cannot wait to get back there in a few weeks!!

  5. Tara Newman

    I definitely believe in putting me first so I can give more of myself to others. We are going out to dinner as a family tonight. Sigh. So much for romance.
    Tara Newman recently posted…Dream Big, Be You: January Lessons in Life + BizMy Profile

    1. vita88

      I know this is something you live and it’s so important!! I love that you’re going out as a family. I’m sure we will too tonight and then (maybe) dinner with another couple tomorrow night if there’s not another blizzard. *sigh*

  6. Lisa @ RunWiki

    I definitely would answer a huge long list of people before myself, but Beyonce is so right on– self care is so important. Why don’t we place more of a value on ourselves? As the Airlines state, “Put your oxygen mask on first, before putting one on your child.” You’ve got me thinking this morning.

    Hope you have a nice weekend.
    Lisa @ RunWiki recently posted…Comment on The Secret Behind Clean Eating @Kohls #MakeYourMove by MaureenMy Profile

    1. vita88

      At least a seed is planted, right? And the only thing we can sort of have in common with Beyonce 🙂

  7. Jane

    Love the pic of you and Mom!!!

    1. vita88

      It’s one of my favorites and I keep in the kitchen so I see it all day, everyday.

  8. misszippy

    He, he. I guess running a 20-miler tomorrow counts as putting myself first, doesn’t it? And missing a couple of my kids games to do it? yeah, there’s some guilt coming with that! But I like the point you are making–spot on. I wish more women would do this, actually.
    misszippy recently posted…Five for FridayMy Profile

    1. vita88

      Yes it does and yes you should! I couldn’t agree more that more women should it. If we ALL did it, imagine what would happen!?

  9. Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes

    We don’t really celebrate Valentine’s day here either, except for the kiddos. The most important person in my life…..hmmm….my husband and my kids, and of course I put myself last. I need to stop that. I take care of everyone else at home and then I go to work and take care of other people’s kids. thanks for reminding me to put ME first 🙂 Have a great weekend!
    Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes recently posted…Friday Five: 5 Things I’m Loving Lately!My Profile

    1. vita88

      YES!!! You are absolutely a non-stop caregiver and that must be completely exhausting. No wonder you were sick for 2 months!! Hopefully in Paris all you will have to worry about is you 🙂

      1. Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes

        You better believe Paris is ALL about this mama!! 🙂
        Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes recently posted…Friday Five: 5 Things I’m Loving Lately!My Profile

  10. Kristina Walters @ Kris On Fitness

    I love this post! I was nearly in tears because, of course, my kids are my life, but I have to step up and make myself a priority. This is why I made the gut wrenching choice to end my almost 28 year marriage this year. I need to be a priority to myself to be healthy and happy. This is the second step. Think about it, we can’t be good to anyone else if we aren’t good to ourselves first. These are words I live by now. Thanks!
    Kristina Walters @ Kris On Fitness recently posted…Half Marathon Training Week 4My Profile

    1. Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama

      (big hugs) Kris! You are a very strong woman and such a great person. I am so sorry to hear.
      Nellie @ Brooklyn Active Mama recently posted…Friday Fitness: Final Prep for the #PrincessHalf + A Vlog!My Profile

    2. vita88

      I don’t even know what to say except YES you absolutely need to put you first or you won’t be any good to those kids you love so much. Divorce takes serious courage and I’m in awe of yours. Seriously Kris. Good for you. Keep your head up and I’m here if you need me!!

  11. Angela @ Happy Fit Mama

    As I was telling Ron what I had planned for the day tomorrow it dawned on me that it really was all about me. Or at least the early hours – long run, yoga, coaching client and then the whole family can have me for the rest of the day. See – putting myself first!
    Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted…Pink Pancakes with Greek Yogurt and Warm BerriesMy Profile

    1. vita88

      I applaud you my friend! Now keep it up!!

  12. Kim

    Hmm…I don’t know if I’ve ever thought of myself as the most important person in anyone’s life.
    As soon as I read your title I said – Mema (my grandmother)! This past week was 4 years since I held her hand while she took her last breaths and I miss her every day – because my mom and I have never had a good relationship my grandmother was that person in my life!!!
    And, Valentine’s Day – not my favorite!!!
    Kim recently posted…Not My FavoriteMy Profile

    1. vita88

      I hear you! And, like you, I have a very special relationship with someone other then my mom (my aunt!) so I can relate. My mom was definitely a very important person in my life but I think she would want ME to be most important to me. I also think you’re the absolute most important person to your husband and boys!!

  13. Tina muir

    Agreed! It makes me think about how you can never find someone to love you when you do not know how to to love yourself. I think thats what makes us so special as people is the ability to let our true nature shine, but we can only do that when we appreciate ourselves. Thanks for the reminder, I almost fell into the trap of saying steve 😉 I think I am pretty good at putting myself first….maybe a little too good haha
    Tina muir recently posted…10 Reasons Why You Should Listen to PodcastsMy Profile

    1. vita88

      Exactly!!! And, trust me if you practice putting yourself fist now, it will be a lot easier if and when you have kids 🙂 Steve will get pushed even further down the list! Hahahaha

  14. erin

    I love this. There’s a book out there-no more burnt toast- highlighting the same idea that moms always put themselves last. Loved your blog, as usual. Great reminder to take care of ourselves! We’re worth it!!!

    1. vita88

      We are worth it!! Thanks Erin and I’ll have to check out that book.

  15. Tamara

    Cassidy already gave me chocolate, so I didn’t have to give myself chocolate! I would have, though.
    What an intriguing post and idea. I would always say it’s my kids, husband, parents and siblings. But I’d like to say it’s me too!
    Tamara recently posted…Sister, Sister.My Profile

    1. vita88

      It has to be you too!! So glad Cassidy took care of the chocolate part 🙂

  16. Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life

    I have never even thought about this, but I definitely don’t take care of myself all that well. I don’t sleep, I forget to eat meals, I skip my workout sometimes because there is too much other stuff to do…very eye opening, Ally.
    Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life recently posted…Fiesta Chicken Enchilada SoupMy Profile

    1. vita88

      That’s definitely what it was meant to do – just to think about it. Glad that’s what it did and you need to EAT woman!! 🙂

  17. Britt@MyOwnBalance

    My hubby bought me flowers and we went out to breakfast. It was very impressive considering we haven’t worked out where to buy hangers yet! Haha.

    I think it is really hard to balance caring for others and caring for yourself. The question is how much is enough? There is no right answer. Great post!

    1. vita88

      So true! And that doesn’t surprise me at all about your husband. I’m so glad he takes such good care of you!

  18. Alison

    I am a Valentine’s Day scrooge so nothing happened on Saturday. Except I ran out for a quick dinner on my own!
    Related: my husband must really love me.
    I like Beyonce’s answer by the way.
    Alison recently posted…Through The Lens Thursday: CandyMy Profile

    1. vita88

      That sounds like a perfect night out – Valentine or no!
      Seems like Beyoncé has all the right answers.

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