I’ll keep this short but, as I’m amping up to get back to normal on the blog on Monday, I wanted to share a few things that have gotten me though the senseless death of my friend. I’m so unbelievably grateful to have so many outlets and supports for my grief and I wanted to share and express gratitude.
First of all, a lot of you are horrible at following directions. Kidding. Although I did ask for “no comments” I was happy to read all the ones I received, both on the blog and via email, phone call or text. If the situation were reversed there would be no way I could remain silent either, so I get it, and love you all. Thank you.
They say there are five stages of grief. I think I’m still in the pissed off stage (and I’m certain that is one) but the following four things have kept me sane and, for the most part, off of my floor in a pile of tears and snot. You’re welcome for the visual and hope you’re not eating breakfast.
Wine: Yes, I drown my problems in alcohol and I think that’s extremely healthy. However, it can be tricky. One glass takes the edge off and allows you to tell all the great stories without wallowing in sorrow and getting angry. Four glasses just gets ugly – the ugly cry, the ugly feelings and the ugly words. I’ve resisted the urge to down a whole bottle since I can see this happening.
Running: It seriously is the anti-depressant of all time. I mentioned in my last post that running was the only time since I heard the news that I felt even a little bit ok, and it’s been helping me all week. I love that I can run alone or with good friends and it has the same effect. I’m so thankful I have this outlet because I wasn’t a runner when my mom died and I turned to harmful obsessive behaviors instead. Let’s just say that I feel much better the morning after a run then I did back in college when I was grieving my mom. #LessonsLearned
Friends: I had some reservations about writing the post I did on Monday. Grief is a funny thing, and (if you didn’t know) I’m pretty opinionated. I can’t tell you how happy it made me to receive all your emails, texts, phone calls and tweets (yes, even tweets!) expressing your support or telling me how you were passing it on with your friends. It was 100% what I wanted to create – just friends reaching out to say “I’m here and I love you.” I was able to cry happy tears for a change.
And, only a great friend who knows me too well, would send me this knowing I would laugh my ass off:
Family: It truly is everything. When my mom died everyone around me was a complete mess because we were all so devastated together. Though this experience I have been able to lean on my husband, and he has been there like a freakin’ rock. Never underestimate the power of just being with someone you love (and who loves you!) when you’re going through a bunch of shit. All I need is him sitting next to me and suddenly, everything seems more manageable.
Finally, I have some good and exciting news to share on Monday. It’s funny how things work out the way they do, and I’m almost convinced that everything happens for a reason. Almost.
What has gotten you though a tough time in your life?
Who can you lean on in your family?
Oh I’m so glad you are drinking wine! And oh yeah, all that other stuff too. I’ve been thinking of you a lot this week. I’m glad you as good as good can be. And stop cussing? NEVER!
And this is why we are friends! You should seriously considering moving to CT because we obviously need to run and drink wine together as often as possible…oh and swear…lots of swearing 🙂
Aww, you know I thought to myself on Monday that you asked for no comments but still couldn’t not say something to let you know I was indeed thinking of you. I am just glad you are feeling a bit better and I know from my own past losses that while you will always miss the person, grieving is definitely a process. That is not say that some days won’t be worse then others, but on the whole it does get a bit easier and we do have our own ways of coping. Hugs to you again and excited for your news now! 😉
Thanks so much Janine. I always smile when I see your name on my blog and my smile was BIG that day. You’re absolutely right about it being a process and having an emotional roller coaster of feelings. Right now I’m just trying to ride it out and lean on those I love! Thank you again.
Down times make you appreciate the ups so much more, it is good that you are able to still find the good even when you are struggling. I had a rough few months too, in fact Allie we seem to go through a lot of the same ups and downs. I am hoping it all pays off for us both! Hang in there, and believe in persistence….go check out Sarahs blog 🙂
This is so true!! I think we are due for a major upswing!…and I’ll be checking out Sarah’s blog for sure. Thank you Tina.
I am sending positive vibes your way and I truly hope things look up to you. I love your positive attitude to make it through this.
Thank you so much Hollie!
What would we do without the people that support us? It is so good to have multiple people in different relationships to take complete care of us. This is incredibly hard but I am happy you have an outlet, running (and wine!) that makes you happy! I love that note. It made me laugh out loud on the train 🙂
That was the intended effect 🙂 So glad I could give you a laugh my friend and, thank you for all your love and support!! xoxoxo
Running is definitely my prozac for sure. I knew it was but didn’t realize how much until I was sick for the last month!! My husband is the guy I lean on. We just had the first anniversary of my grandmother’s death yesterday. It was a tough day, I miss that lady so much, it still hurts, but it’s gotten easier. I hope you are doing ok! Hugs.
Sounds like you can completely and totally understand and I’m sorry for that, but glad to know we have some of the same coping mechanisms and have good men to lean on! I hope you continue to get stronger and healthier everyday!!
Love you, lady. I’m so glad you have the equally important coping mechanisms of wine and running. It’s amazing how people rally to support you when you’re going through such a traumatic, senseless experience. It left me with a feeling that people are amazing and kind and loving and it’s just a shame it takes a tragedy to fully realize that. xoxox
I was JUST saying that to a friend! It’s definitely sad that it takes a tragedy, but at least people do come out and support like crazy. I’m SO, SO grateful for all the friends and family I have, and hope this perspective lasts a very long time.
Thanks so much for your love and support Carly!! xoxoxo
You’ve got it all in place, Allie, and I’m so glad you are using the outlets available to help you move through this. Family, friends, running, wine–the fabric of our lives (not cotton!).
Thinking about you and excited to hear your good news!
Hahahaha!!! Exactly! Wine, the fabric of our lives. In wine we trust. And on and on and on…
Thanks Amanda!!! I’ve got nothin’ but love for you 🙂
Good and exciting news??? Are you pregnant???
Are you insane? How exactly would that be GOOD and/or EXCITING? That blog post would be more like “I’m going to be in a mental institution for a while. See you when I get out in 9 months.”
LOL…well, it would definitely be exciting!!! (wink)
Can’t wait to hear your good news.
I totally know that line between one glass and four- it is a shaky one!
You know it! Drink responsibly 🙂
I’m right there with you on the wine (and running, family and friends)!!!
Chris is my rock always – in sad and happy times!!!
Hope you are doing OK – I’ve been thinking about you this week.
I can lean on my husband and kids, but I don’t often. I’m often leaned on by the kids. I wish it were different. Maybe it will be.
I don’t drink wine or run. Maybe I need to change both of those things!
Thinking of you!
Well you do have your photography…I’m sure that would help! And yes, the kids have definitely leaned in on me (as they always do) but it has been a welcome distraction!
I’m sorry I commented… I was never very good at following directions ;). I’m glad to read that you have an awesome support system! That’s really important. I have never felt comfortable leaning on people and I know that’s bad. I’m the suffer in silence type. Thank God I have my wine and running because I may explode otherwise!
I’m GLAD you commented! I loved hearing from you, honestly. And yes, you need to LEAN. I used to be bad at that as well but once I had two newborns I learned very quickly how to ask for help 🙂
I’m so glad that you have these outlets to lean on now. Such a support system is so important. Thinking of you!
Thank you Christine! A yoga class wouldn’t hurt either…
It’s so important to have a good support system. And I’m glad you can write too as that it such a good outlet for all the emotions that you go through. Helps sort through the senselessness of it all. Big hugs to you….
You are absolutely right Leah! I’ve been writing a lot and not just on the blog. It helps so, so much. Thank you!
Allie I’m so so sorry about your friend. I wish there was something I could do for you.
The 4 things are exactly what I do in tough times. Wine included. By the way, I didn’t think the cuss less goal would last long 🙂
Hahaha you know me too well 🙂 Thanks Jill.
I’m so, so sorry to hear about your loss. I just read your last post as well, and she seemed like a wonderful friend and person.
Last year was the first time I experienced losing someone really close to me, and it is such an unreal, aching feeling in your heart. I was really thankful to have such a supportive family to grieve with, and I’m glad that you do too.
I’m sorry we have this in common right now, but happy to know you also have a great support system. It truly makes all the difference. Thank you.
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