It’s been a while! I figured the best time to stage a little check-in would be during a pandemic. I definitely have better things to do but, since I actually get to choose, I’m choosing to write out all my frustrations, humor and beginnings of alcoholism in this post. Join me, won’t you?

Stage One: Working from Home

My husband already works from home. I hate it. I’ve hated it for years. Any guess as to what I hate more? Snow days. Snow days meant my children would also be home and I would possibly be locked in my home with my entire family all day with no escape. I am now somehow living a perpetual snow day except this one could actually kill me.

I had to slowly work my brain around this since my graduate school’s answer to this pandemic was to add an additional week of Spring Break. It seemed awesome at first but now, as I’m ending week two, it’s just as miserable as everything else.

The only thing worse than everyone being home all day is my new role as homeschool teacher. In my previous life the only job I hated the thought of more was Kardashian sister. Wait…that’s not a job…so I guess homeschooling my kids was my number one worst nightmare. Turns out, my mind was not exaggerating this abomination.

My school district is doing an amazing job of organizing these little monsters and outfitting them with daily lessons, Google chats, meets, greets, videos and every other conceivable online learning tool you can think of. My kids sit down dutifully at 8:30am and then announce they are “done!” by 10:30am. They have not worn actual clothes in over a week, posted 1,348 Tik Toks, are eating straight out of a giant container of Goldfish I had to wrestle out the hands of an elderly man at my local market (worth it!) and have taken to watch the entirety of Stranger Things at least three times over.

Don’t get jealous.

Stage Two: Public Shaming

It started out slowly in my feed and then it basically took over. I realize I am now slathering you all with my opinion but whatever…get your own blog.

I could not stand how much everyone was bashing the kids in Florida. Seriously. Do you all honestly forget what is was like to be a 20 year old in college? Your entire world revolves around your immediate needs which most likely include equal parts drinking, hanging out with your friends and sex. The end. You don’t think you’re ever going to die, let alone from some “old person’s disease” that is everyone else’s problem and certainly not yours. These kids don’t watch the news and the only thing they have been thinking about for the past 190 days is spring break. That.is.it. I did some VERY stupid (although amazingly fun) things when I was in college and I’m sure you did too so please stop. And for the love of God stop shaming their parents! Holy shit. What if we took the worst thing your kid ever did and plastered it all over social media?

Put your phone down and stop commenting Karen.

You know who we should be shaming? The adults who are supposed to be governing Florida. Close the beaches and the restaurants and there is no way for these kids to infect each other and the elderly that make up 90% of the population.

Also, everyone is dealing with this differently so you do your quarantine thing and let everyone else do theirs. Don’t make me post the counselor control chart. Spoiler: the only thing you can control is you.

Stage Three: Food Shopping

I had serious anxiety about going to the grocery store for the fist time. Fine, I have anxiety every time I have to go! The media (and many, many people on my FB feed) would not shut up about how empty the shelves were as endless photos and videos of people hoarding water and toilet paper streamed in real-time. WTF is wrong with these people? If everyone would just buy food and paper goods as they normally would, there would be no issue. I mean, how can so many people not understand this?

Side note: I counted all my rolls of toilet paper immediately and my husband estimated we are good for at least two months. That is how much toilet paper I normally have on hand. Thank you Amazon monthly subscription.

Or…no thank you? WTF? I always knew I couldn’t live without Amazon. *insert hot, angry tears*

Stage Four: Running + Meditation

Obviously I’m most grateful for running and that I can get outside and do it most days. I need it now more than ever and it never fails to put me at ease and shove me face first into a better mood.

I’ve never had much luck with meditation. I hate to not move and staying inside my head while focusing on my breathing just seems like a waste of time. But then, a dear friend who really understands me, sent me this…

There’s a Part Two. They work especially well after you have seen the living room and/or kitchen of every newscaster in America. There’s just something so very wrong about seeing the inside of the local weatherman’s house. Just no. We have an app for that.

Stage Five: Acceptance

Hahahaha, you didn’t really think I would accept any part of this did you? There’s no acceptance. For the first time ever I have full confidence in the president of the United States and I’m sure this will all be over (one way or another) very soon. God Bless America and bless his teeny tiny ignorant heart.

I know one thing for certain, I chose to go back to school for all the right reasons and in the right career — clinical mental health counseling — since the world is going to take a long time to recover from this, and I want to be there to help.

Stay well, be kind and keep washing your hands!

How are you doing through all this?

What is the best and worst thing you have seen or heard since this all started?