This is a big weekend for me. My husband and I celebrate 10 years of being married and, it’s mother’s day. I’m always grateful to have a sort of happy distraction from mother’s day since my mom died so many years ago.
It’s still somehow very hard to believe that my mom never even met my husband. She wasn’t there to help me plan my wedding and, of course, did not see me walk down the aisle or celebrate with me afterward and hasn’t been a part of my life while building my marriage and family.
There is so much advice that was never given, but also so much she did instill and teach and laugh with me about, for the 17 years we had together.
My brother had an interesting perspective on missing out on all this motherly advice over the years. Maybe, it’s good.
I like to romanticize her memory and think that we would have had this best friendship, that I would call her for advice and she would tell me exactly what I needed to hear. I have visions of her helping me though the worst moments in my parenting, marriage and career and always knowing exactly what to do and say in any given situation.
You all have that relationship with your moms, right?
So, although I would give anything for one more minute with my mom, there are so many things I was never taught or given advice about from her regarding marriage, and so I was forced to form my own opinions and lessons as I made my way though it, motherless.
In honor of mothers and marriages everywhere, I searched out the “best” marriage advice mom’s have for their daughters from Bride’s Magazine, The Knot and my brain. Here is how I ignored it all with my lack of a maternal influence:
Take Your Commitment Seriously
Little known fact: I cancelled my wedding the first time around.
As you all know, I have one speed – fast. My husband worked at the same speed when it came to our relationship. We met, I moved in and we were engaged in a matter of seven months. After we planned an entire destination wedding, I freaked out three months prior, and we postponed it for a year.
I needed the time (we both did) and the wedding went off without a hitch, exactly one year later. It’s funny that I don’t even really think about it now because our wedding weekend in Key West was one of the best in my life. I’m proud of myself for putting on the brakes and making sure I was all in for a lifetime with this man. 10 years later, I wouldn’t change a thing.
My husband will tell you that I hate this one. My husband is not my BFF, Shannon is. I don’t think husbands and wives need to be best friends in the way that children and parents should not be best friends. Of course my husband and I have a great friendship but there are so many things that a man can just not understand, the way a woman can. Namely all the things men do that piss us off. How can I vent to my husband about my husband? Not happening. A girl needs her circle of women, red tent style, to make it though marriage.
Also, my husband has his own BFF – my dad…
Never Go to Bed Angry
What kind of magical fantasy world does a couple live in where they never go to bed angry? And why does this even matter? I make a point of writing in bridal shower guest books “it’s okay to go to bed angry” because it’s certain someone else has already written the opposite cliche to the poor bride. If every young wife followed that insanity, she would get even less sleep after giving birth.
Just go to bed. Sometimes you need a full night’s rest so you can wake up and know you were positively, absolutely, without a doubt, 100% right.
Follow Your Heart
This was advice my mom actually did give me. It wasn’t about marriage but about life in general and it’s very good advice. The older I get the more I look inward to make decisions and count on my instinct and heart to guide me though the messiness of marriage and parenting.
I saw this quote in a re-tweet from Sarah Spain and it sums it up perfectly:
I could not have said it better myself.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the great mom’s out there and a very happy 10 year anniversary to my husband who waited one more year for me, who is not my best friend and, doesn’t care if I go to bed angry because I wake up every day living a dream we created together.
[Tweet “Do you take #marriage advice from your #mom? Bad #advice I was never given and 10 years of a great #marriage! #mothersday2016”]
What is the worst marriage advice you received from your mom?
What is the best?
What will you do to celebrate mom’s day?