Crass? A bit. Harsh? Perhaps. A good team name for a CycleFest to raise money for the LiveStrong program at my local YMCA? Um, nope. You see, that “C” in the YMCA stands for “Christian” and apparently, Christians believe that God frowns upon swearing…or something like that. The name seemed appropriate given our team. My good friend Josh came up with it since three out of our four team members lost our moms to cancer…and we’re pretty pissed about it.
This is a picture of my mom from her college days. Look like anyone you know?
My mother was diagnosed in 1988 when I was 12 and in eighth grade. I distinctly remember standing in my kitchen, with my Catholic school uniform on, and my dad telling me and my older brother that my mom had cancer. I barely understood what that meant. Unfortunately for me, and my mom, I would find out.
She had ovarian cancer which is very hard to diagnose, and by the time they diagnosed her, it had spread. It was an agonizing five years of chemo treatments, radiation, surgeries and bed rest. My entire four years of high school were a never ending cycle of my mom feeling good and then having another round of chemo or radiation and then being sick in the hospital or in bed for weeks. It was pure hell – for her, for my dad who loved her more then any husband has ever loved a wife, for her parents, sisters, brothers and friends. And, of course, for me, who was a teenager and a nightmare.
She died the day after I came home from a senior trip to Cancun, Mexico in February of 1993. It was the worst day of my life.
Now, as a mom myself, I cannot imagine having to say good-bye to my kids. I cannot imagine having a body that is so sick and weak. I cannot imagine the strength my mother had to endure it all. I just can’t.
So yes, I say FUCK YOU CANCER! I say yes to being the healthiest person I can be because I think that will somehow protect me even though, in my mind, I know it’s not true. I use my fitness as a weapon, a shield – against sickness, against pain, against leaving my family, my kids. I won’t let you get me cancer.
Me and the hubs. He lost his mom to pancreatic cancer when I was three months pregnant with the twins. Nightmare.
I have yearly ultrasounds to check my ovaries so take THAT! I had the genetic test BRCA1 to be sure I’m not a carrier of the gene for breast or ovarian cancers so take THAT! I even get mammograms before the age of 40 so take THAT! And I pedal until my legs fall off for CycleFest to support the LiveStrong program!
Cycling for a cause never felt so good!
Hour #1 – legs still in tact.
This weekend my YMCA held a CycleFest to raise money for our LiveStrong program. The program allows cancer patients and survivors to become members for free. They get personal training and are given opportunities to take classes and do a variety of things the Y offers by being in this program. There’s currently a wait list.
On this day, 22 teams of four brave souls showed up to cycle for at least one hour and up to four. I was proud to be a participant and an instructor and my theme was songs from movies! We had a live DJ and we rocked it out!
The Mighty Four instructors: Joy, Me, Kendra & Heather!
Fitness Director Heather and the big man Hank – sweating for the cause!
When I looked around at all the LiveStrong participants it made me sad that there wasn’t something like this for my mom when she was battling. Because I believe so much in the power of fitness to heal both the mind and body, I know this would have helped. If I knew then what I know now…
I even won a raffle prize! A Y signed shirt by the one and only Summer Sanders. Too bad it’s an XL. I guess I have to frame it!?
I would give anything to have one more day, one more hour – hell I would take five minutes – with my mom. I talk to her on my long runs (she’s pretty proud about my latest accomplishment) and I’m happy for all the people today, suffering with cancer, that have this amazing program and a community that supports it.
The final tally isn’t in but, I think we raised close to $14,000! Today was a good day. Take THAT Cancer!
Our team shirts. Yep. We went there.
Do you volunteer or raise money for a cause? If you could quit your job and work for any cause or organization what would it be?
I’ll say it with you, Allie. Fuck you cancer. You’ve taken away too many people from us far too soon. Way to support an amazing cause and organization. If we all continue rallying and fighting and raising funds for research, we’ll find a cure some day. Thank you and your team for helping to support those in need. Take that cancer!
Right on Nicole!!! Thank you so much. Sadly, cancer affects so many people. Enough already!
Great name and think after all you have been through losing your mom at such a young age it is truly remarkable all you are doing to fight and rally against cancer. Huge thank you for all you have done and seriously so sorry that you did lose your mom at such a young. Can’t even imagine, but my heart goes out to you on that.
Thanks so much Janine. There are so many horrible stories like mine which is why I love to rally against it in any way I can. Truly – thank you!
Am sobbing. And also smiling. Allie, you are an incredible person. Reading about what you survived and what you had to endure watching your mom suffer made me bawl. Being without a mom is just really, really hard. What you are doing with your grief is awe-inspiring. I am sending you hugs today for sharing this.-Ashley
Thank you so much Ashley. I so appreciate your words!! It’s so, so hard to not have a mom, especially when I’m a mom myself now. Sorry I made you sob so early in the morning! Maybe you can turn on some Neil Diamond to cheer you up:-)
You are one of the greatest examples of paying it forward and what you did yesterday is evidence of that.. #miyagistrong
Thanks so much Marisa! Thank you for your donation and for always being such a good friend and champion of the cause!! Love you!!
Wow, what a heartbreaking story about your mom. You were so strong to deal with all of that during your high school years. It was the perfect name for your team 🙂 you did an amazing job 14k is pretty awesome girl!! Know that your mom is with you and cheering you on daily. Cancer is just so awful affecting so many of all ages, thank you for your good work!
Thanks Nellie! She is absolutely with me everyday – not in the way I would like but hey, I’ll take what I can get!!
You got that right! Cancer sucks and we need to do everything in our power to make sure we don’t get it to supporting organizations that fund research to cure it! My husband lost his mother to skin cancer so he understands completely. I do my part by running 5K’s that support our local cancer hospital Roswell Park Cancer Institute. Keep fighting the good fight so we can all say FUCK YOU to cancer!
I’m so sorry about your husband’s mom. It’s such an awful thing to go through. Thanks so much for your support Kris!! Love it!!!
I love the title of this post. Cancer killed my husband’s father. We were dating at the time and it was a nightmare. The saddest thing for me is that I never got to be his daughter-in-law. He never got to see my hubby be the great dad that he is. I do volunteer and raise money for a cause. My boys battle Cystic Fibrosis and for 6 years, I tirelessly raised money. The last year that we did, I realized I was missing out on the boys’ games and their living in order to work so hard to prevent them from dying. It became too hard to balance so we are on a hiatus and so grateful for the other people that continue to raise money to find a cure. I will go back to it because it’s too important and needs to be done.
P.S. I wish I had an ounce of your drive and passion. 🙂
OMG it sounds like you have a ton of drive and passion!! What a crusader you are for your sons! That is amazing. I’m so sorry about your husband’s dad and yes – my God! – ALL the things we miss out on and miss being a part of when people we love die. It just seems so senseless & it’s extremely frustrating. Keep up the good fight my friend!!!
I knew you were an incredible friend and amazing Mom before I read this but now I have another layer of understanding as to who YOU are. Cancer does suck, it robbed me of knowing an amazing Grandmother, stole my partner’s Mother and each and every year seems to dance around our family saying, ‘I am here…just waiting for you’ as we get screenings and biopsys. Your Mom is with you each and every day because you talk to her and keep her alive in your heart. Thank you for sharing this story, for giving me a reason to think differently about exercise, nutrition and lifestyle! FYCYKMM – rocks!
Yes! That’s exactly how it feels – like it’s circling you, like a shark! Thank you so much for everything Shannon. Having your support means so much!!
Allie –
I love you. I hate cancer. I hate that it took your beautiful mom, Josh’s mom, Mike’s mom, my father in law and scores of other friends and family. I FUCKING HATE CANCER.
I want to be a part of your next FYCYKMM cycle-fest, swim-a-thon or whatever other fund raiser you have and even if I have to don a grass skirt, coconut bra and carry a hula hoop through fire – I’m there. Just let me know mama xoxoxoxox
I love you too mama!!! I would have some sort of fund raiser JUST to have you wear all that shit. If anyone can kick cancer’s ass it’s ME and YOU!!!
I’ll say it with you too….FUCK YOU CANCER! So sorry about your Mom. My Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer on May 1. Today she is doing well, but I know one day that will not be the case as she will never be cancer free.This past Friday my Dad’s wife was also diagnosed with lung cancer. I stand proud with you in saying FUCK YOU!
Oh no, Jill! I’m so sorry. I had no idea. Cancer is such a bitch like that!! After seeing you and your amazing family spin your legs off with me yesterday I have no doubt you will all be giving cancer the big F-U!!!! Please let me know if there’s anything I can do. I’ve been there and I would love to help. Thanks so much for reading and for your comment!
This is a really great post Allie! I can’t imagine going through what you went through as a teenager but I think this is a great way to honor your mom and to raise money to help other moms (and sisters, daughters, spouses, etc) out there. I fully support fitness for a cause and I too believe that staying fit and healthy is an important step to preventing and combating diseases. My younger bro had colon cancer and I supported him in his battle and remission through fitness like a walk for hope to raise money for his hospital and a rock climb even with First Descents, an organization that offers life affirming trips to hike, climb and much more for cancer survivors. Thanks for posting this story and congrats on raising $14k!!! That is amazing!
Thank you so much Britt. I’m sorry your brother had to go through that but it’s so great you were able to support him the way you did. A lot of times running and racing can seem so mundane or selfish but there’s so many ways to support great causes through all that sweat!!
You really are an inspiration! What a fantastic way to honor your mom and give a big fat middle finger to cancer. The BRCA1 gene is rampant on my dad’s side of the family. He thankfully tested negative, and so my brother and I were able to breathe. But my grandma and numerous members of my family have not been so lucky. Thank you for spreading cancer awareness.
Thank you so much!! I thought it was appropriate:-)
So glad you were all tested!! Early detection is the KEY. It’s a pain to go to all those doctor appointment and have all that testing done but it could save your life. Here’s to you and your family for being so smart about it. I wish you all nothing but HEALTH!
This brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry about your mom. I can’t imagine losing your mom when you are that young.
I lost my mother in March to cancer. She was diagnoses in 1996, was cancer free for five years, then when we were in the Bahamas, she was diagnosed with cancer all over her body. She held on until our 4 year trip ended, then hung on again until I finished writing my book. She died a few days after I showed her the cover.
Then in July, my best friend died of breast cancer. She was 50, and like you, she left 17 year old twins, their senior year.
So yeah, FYC!! You have taken too many good people. I am so glad you are taking a proactive response!
Oh wow. That is so awful on so many levels. I’m so, so sorry to hear about your mom and your friend. It’s such a terrible, awful thing. I also have twins so that really hits home with me. My heart aches for you and for those boys!
Thank you so much for reading and for your comments.
Ah, Allie. What can I even say that you haven’t said a million times better than I could? F*ck cancer. Right in the ear. (It’s a South Park reference)
Cancer is my worst fear. I have lost many loved ones to it, and I know that I will lose many others. And that..about kills me.
You kick a**!!!
Thanks Tamara. To live in fear of it is just another way of being robbed by it! I hate to admit how much it scares me because I don’t want to give it that power. The only thing to say is FU!!
PS – Love South Park and totally got the reference.
Eff Cancer and all other chronic illnesses. I hate that you lost your mother, and so early in life at that. You’ve mentioned your dad plenty of times on your site and I just salute him for caring for you and your brother. I can’t imagine the life altering and pain that must have taken place the moment you all learned your mom had cancer. So again, eff cancer…sucka!
Yea sucka!!! I am so blessed to have the dad that I have. It rocked our world for sure, but he has held us all together through the years since.
Thanks so much.
Wow, what an amazing and touching story. I’m so sorry to hear about what you, your mother and your family went though. I can’t imagine going through something like that when I was your age. I’m so sorry. BUT, I am so inspired by your strength, courage and determination. I love how proactive you are at taking charge of your health. WOW. Congrats on the success of your race too. That’s amazing! I also absolutely love your pink tank!
Hum, good question! I would have to say one that works for ALL forms of cancer! I HATE IT TOO Allie! UGH, I mean really hate it! I wish I was smart enough to work on research teams that work tirelessly toward cures and better treatments. I did a rotation with an Oncologists and cancer patients are very near and dear to my heart, not to mention what has touched my own family. I’m sorry that your family had to endure that and I am proud of you for continuously supporting great causes like this. KUDOS to you and your team!
Thanks so much Joi! I also wish I could do something more directly to make an impact…but I’ll leave it to the experts. I can’t imagine the things you saw and heard and felt doing that rotation. I’m sure you touched many lives for the better.
Oh man this is the best name and this is the best cause!! cancer volunteering is my jam. specifically with kids. i’ve been volunteering in pediatric oncology hospitals since college. cancer sucks. but its beatable and treatable, and one day everybody will be able to say that. keep doing what you’re doing allie- you’re such an inspiration!!!
Thanks Charlotte! That is so great that you volunteer hard core – I love it!! You’re absolutely right. That is the perfect attitude to have. Onward!
I will gladly join you in saying fuck you cancer! Your story could easily be my story. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 20 years old. My family’s world was flipped. Thankfully, my mom beat that horrible disease after a mastectomy and months of chemo. She’s going on 15 years cancer free but it still scares the living daylights out of me that it’ll be back. Thanks for raising money and pedaling!
I’m so happy to hear it all worked out for your family. I can totally understand living in fear but you have today and tomorrow and the next day. I wish you ALL the best of health!!
I love that you went there on the shirts, Allie. I’m sure your mom is ridiculously proud of you – you are an inspiration!
Thank you so much Dana! That means a lot coming from another great mom:-)
Absolutely fuck cancer. It’s touched way too many lives of people that I love and it sucks and it pisses me off. As a mother now too, I can’t even imagine. What a great event you were a part of and so awesome that you raised so much!
Sounds like you really understand so I’m sorry for that. It’s such an awful thing to watch someone you love go through – not to mention their kids or families. Thanks so much Christine!
That is wonderful how much money you raised!
My momh had pre-menopausal breast cancer, stomach cancer, and throat cancer (even though she’s never smoked a day in her life). Luckily everything was caught early and she only had to go through chemo and radiation once. I am lucky to still have her because she does NOT take care of herself and it kind of pisses me off.
My bestie from HS has breast cancer right now and has been undergoing treatments for over a year now. She just lost her mom and I just want to go hug her every day.
I don’t know how to answer your last question. My husband is disabled and I feel like every day I go into work it’s simply to support this diseases. I guess if I could raise money to find a cure for his diseases I most certainly would!
I’m so sorry about your mom and your friend. I know how you feel about your mom and her not taking care of herself because my MIL was the same way. It’s such a shame. I’m glad your mom beat it and that she’s still here for you!
I know you work hard everyday to support your husband and that is amazing!! You’re doing all you can everyday. Thanks so much Carla. Keep fighting the good fight!
For my one and only marathon, I raised money for TNT and it was the only thing that got me through. Last year I put together a fundraiser during Thanksgiving for my neighbor who was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 32!
Cancer killed my stepmother when I was 16. My child is named after her so in many ways, I’m part of team FYCYKMM too.
Your strength (and attitude toward life) is amazing! I love your quest to be fit not only for you, your family but just to say a big FU to cancer at large.
xoxo You rock!
You are absolutely part of our team! I’m so sorry that happened to you. I love how you were able to honor her name by choosing it for your son. That is so beautiful and I’m sure you think about her every time you say it – not that you need another reason!
I love that you ran for TNT and did a fundraiser for your neighbor. 32? My God!!! That is awful. I hope she is healthy and doing well now.
Thanks for being a great friend Melissa. I’m sorry we’ve discovered that we also have this in common but I’m glad we’re doing all we can to say FU to cancer!!
Allie, you are truly amazing!!! The smile that is on your face in every picture and the strength that you live your life with is awesome to see!!!
I’m glad that y’all went there with your team name and the shirts – we should all go there and say it – Fuck you cancer!!!!
Right on Kim!!! Thank you so much for always lifting me up. You’re the best!
Melanoma Stage 4 skin cancer took my daddy at age 46. Breast cancer attacked my mother at age 54 & took both of her breasts but she is still living. I constantly have skin cancer removed every three months & look like the brideof frankenstein. Yes- I completely agree with you! This weekend we did an event where we blastin’ for boobs & Kristen over at fourhensandarooster.com & I blogged about it. 🙂 I love how you are fighting for it as well!! XO.
YES!!! I love a great cancer fighter. That is awesome. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience all of that with your family, but so happy to hear all that you do to help those still battling. I will have to check out your posts and Kristen’s too! Thank you!!
That was an amazing amount of money you all raised. Good for y’all! My grandmother is a survivor of breast cancer. It is currently in remission, but it was definitely a battle. I hate that this disease takes such a toll on the human body and there is no cure. I pray that one comes soon. I LOVED your theme too!
Love that your grandma is a survivor! Thanks so much Britton and all my healthy vibes out to you and your family to be well!!
Your post made me cry, all the comments made me cry…jeepers. I had to step away before I could comment. I think what you are doing is amazing. I think many times we see/meet people and think everything is perfect and great and don’t understand the thinking behind some of the choices others make. I am always awed by those who make fitness a big part of their lives – it takes commitment, dedication and focus. It takes knowing why and how you are going to do it. Your why is heartbreaking…but what an amazing tribute to your mom and example for your children. I’m so glad you shared this, it’s incredibly inspiring.
Now you’re making me cry! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your words. “Thank you” doesn’t seem like enough. This was obviously a difficult post for me to write but reaching everyone I have, I know it was worth it. It was also pretty cathartic for me, as you can imagine. Again, thank you so much. I’ll be reading your comment for days to come!
Your Mom is so proud of you, Allie. It’s like you can feel her through this post. How loved she was, how loved you are, how loved your kids are because of you both. Cancer is so unfair. No rhyme or reason. It took my Dad too – so I’m with you!! Way to go!
I’m so sorry about your Dad! That is awful. Thank you for all your kind words – especially for saying you could “feel” her though my post. That alone makes this blog worth it. THANK YOU!
YOU’RE FU**IN’ Kidding me! YOU ARE APOLOGIZING FOR CURSING OUT CANCER? You NEVER have to do that, especially if it’s personally touched you!!!!!! FU** YOU CANCER times 5 zillion!! And I am sorry to hear it took your mother.
NICELY DONE on raising all that MOOLA!!!
No apologies GiGi!!! THANK YOU!
Hi Allie! So sorry for your loss!! Loosing your mom at that age had to be difficult! I know how it feels losing a mother to an awful disease. My mom passed away from a rare autoimmune disease(amyloidosis) six years ago. So rare that we didn’t get her death certificate until two months after her death because the doctors had no clue! Back to that stinking cancer! Last Wednesday marked a year since my husband’s best friend and our children’s god-father lost his THREE-MONTH battle with pancreatic, liver and gallbladder cancer. He found out about it right after returning home from visiting us for our daughter’s wedding and three months later we were burying him. He had the best doctors in the land. University of Michigan and the Mayo clinic, but even they couldn’t help. He left us a vibrant healthy man and next thing we knew, he was in the emergency room with a terrible stomach ache, then three months later gone! Just.like.that! Leaving behind a wife and three children ages 5, 8 and 16. I’m tearing up now because he was such a sweet man, who left behind a beautiful family. Cancer devastates so many families and I HATE IT WITH A PASSION!!! You know me and my letters, so of course I wrote him a letter/tribute on the evening he passed away. It’s over at my blog under ‘The Essence of Friendship” if you want to read it. It was definitely therapeutic for me. Kudos to you and your group for your awesome effort against fighting cancer Allie! One day my friend, one day…we.WILL.get.rid.of.it!
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this and for telling me your story. I was tearing up reading it because it’s so eerily similar to what happened to my mother-in-law. I’m not sure what’s worse – a slow, drawn out sickness or something so quick you can’t hardly comprehend it. Again, I’m so sorry and I will definitely read your tribute letter. I love them all!
Cancer got my father. I was a teenager too and man do I understand your anger!!! It still nails me to the wall sometimes. It leaves a raw black void right in my middle. But because of him I became an Occupational Therapist, I am now dedicating my life to working with people with neurological impairments, I am changing lives, even though I can’t cure anyone I can help.
My whole existence here in China centres around helping people. I volunteer at a clinic for kids with CP and I am raising funds for a small village in a neighbouring province to buy more mechanical rice threshers (http://blog.redbuffalotrading.com/the-labour-for-rice/).
If it wasn’t for the belief that my father’s suffering guided me to help other people I wouldn’t have been able to bear the pain. Sometimes I still can’t.
Good on you guys for raising so much money! One day someone will find a cure and then the nightmare can end!!
I’m so sorry about your dad and that you were as young as I was. I can completely relate to “being nailed to the wall” with anger and pain. It’s amazing that you’ve dedicated your whole life to helping other people in such a specific way. I’m so glad that both of us have found positive ways to channel our deep seeded pain over losing a parent at such a raw age. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. You’re doing such important work and I’m humbled by it. Thank you!
Yea – I’ll also say it with you. FUCK YOU CANCER! I’ve lost several family members to different types of cancer, but I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to lose your mother. You are most definitely making her proud right now and I know she is watching you and giving you high fives and fist pumps. $14K is a crap load of money – you guys are amazing for volunteering your time and for helping others. I volunteer in Atlanta for a non-profit and I can’t imagine my life without giving back.
I know about your volunteer work and it’s amazing! Thank you so much for your words. I really appreciate it. I’m so sorry your life has been effected by horrible, awful, terrible cancer! F/U CANCER indeed.
I always always see your name on most of the posts of the greatest blogs I follow so I said, I need to find out who this Allie is! I think this was a great post to start on. You are beyond awesome. I’m so sorry about you losing your mother. That is definitely a feeling that no child should ever have to experience! Your determination to not get cancer and to stay healthy is overwhelmingly contagious! I want to stick around to learn more about what you are doing.
When my kids are grown, I think I would want to help organizations that help widows and families who have lost loved ones, which could be a reason your story touches me so. Being a stay at home wife and mom has really made me tender towards people losing loved ones. I guess I think about how I would feel if I lost hubby or my son. I’ve started to learn about some organizations that help widows, etc. Hopefully one day I will be able to join them and really get involved.
Thank you so very much! I’m so glad you decided to check me out and I’m absolutely going to do the same.
What a great cause! I know my dad was devastated when he lost my mom and wasn’t really sure how to channel that grief. It took him a very long time to get to a good place. It would have been wonderful if he had some kind of support group that was just for widowers. Keep following that cause! Thanks again…
Damn I love this post Allie!!! Yes yes YES!!! you go BEAT THOSE ODDS AND DAMMIT- F8@#$ CANCER!! I am so glad you did get checked for the BRCA mutations- which I immediately panicked about when you said your mom had ovarian cancer.
I am sick about you losing your mama. Just sick about the entire loss and the anguish and the devestation that hit that precious woman, and her dear family.
I love that you talk to her. She is cheering you on every step of the way. I am sure of that.
My sister was diagnosed with Breast Cancer- long story, but I got tested and had the BRCA1 mutation- ended up having a double mastectomy, reconstruction and full hysterectomy- to boot. Lots of abnormal tissue- and a long family history of it.
I am SO relieved you don’t have the mutation. And I pray you never EVER have to suffer like your mom.
God bless you my friend. You are an inspiration. XO
You are the absolute sweetest! Thank you so much for everything you’ve said, I truly appreciate it.
I cannot *believe* you went through all of that!!! Double mastectomy? You are unbelievable my friend. I applaud you for being so responsible with your health, getting the test done and then making (maybe the hardest decision of your life?) to do what it takes to ensure you never have to deal with breast cancer. I can’t imagine your courage!
I hope your sister is doing well and that you both have a long and healthy life. Again, thank you so much!
As much as I agree with your sentiment, I’d add two or three other diseases to the FU list. Anything chronic, deadly, unknown, untreatable, unfair….well, you just take all of them and throw them in the FU pile and set it to burn. But enough about me… 😉
Congrats on your tremendous accomplishments and on being a tough mother yourself. Love that pic of your mom. Aren’t those old b&w ones just the best?
Melissa, we can add them ALL to the FU list!
Thank you so much for everything you said. I agree 100% and yes, those old b&w are the best. That particular one I keep by my bedside so it’s the first thing I see when I wake-up in the morning.
Reading your post from the #LOBS. My mom lost her mom to cancer when she was in her 20s, and has had a huge impact in her life. I agree, cancer deserves a big Fuck You! I think though, that is is great that you are able to channel that anger into something so great and positive!
Thank you so much Bev! I really appreciate you commenting and sharing your mom’s story. I think it’s especially hard for a woman to lose her mom at such a young age. I hope you and your mom have a deeper connection because of it!