That’s right. I don’t seek balance because I know that’s not really what I want, and if you’re being honest with yourself, it may not be what you want either.
There’s a lot out in the atmosphere about this elusive “balance” and why it’s so important to achieve it. Especially for women. I don’t see men worrying all that much about it, but maybe that’s because they either think they already have it or, they just don’t care.
I was prompted to write this when I read a quote by a hero of mine, Sheryl Sanberg:
Of course there isn’t. There can’t be. As much as I want to say to young girls & boys everywhere “You can have it all!” I think it’s a total lie. You can’t. Unless you want to do some of that “all” pretty poorly.
I realized this when I was running a successful personal training business, racing a ton, and then had twins. Now, granted, two babies at once is a little more then I bargained for but…there was absolutely no way I could give my business, my training and my kids 100%. It just wasn’t happening. Of course, my kids won that battle and I sold my business and focused on training and raising my kids. I was unbalanced because the part of me that was an entrepreneur and business woman was dormant. So I started writing. Luckily for me that has turned into a passion for blogging (and my fellow bloggers) and a part-time writing gig at Fitbie but, I’m still unbalanced.
It all comes down to choices. We all have them, and if we really wanted balance, we could choose wisely.
I choose to run/bike/swim/teach fitness classes, a lot more then I do almost anything else. It’s totally unbalanced, and I like it that way. I love to train hard for whatever my next endeavor is (or isn’t) and I choose to start my day sweating. If I wanted more balance, I would choose to do other things.
The problem with this realization is that I now cannot complain when I don’t have enough time to do other things. Bummer.
Now, of course I spend a ton of time with my kids. There are also things that must be done like laundry and grocery shopping. However, my friend Tara of Family, Sport, Life made an excellent point in a recent post about want versus need. As in: “I want to go for a two hour run,” or “I need to pick up the boys by 1pm.” See how that puts a little hitch in your giddy-up? Some things do not allow for choice however, I chose (happily) to have my kids and everything that comes with producing well-rounded, polite, successful, healthy little gentlemen and that takes a ton of work and time. Choices.
Let’s look at some of the most successful people, or those we look up to or admire, like my friend Sheryl Sandberg. Picture your “hero” or whoever has had a big impact on your life. Now think about what they do with their time. Are they balanced? Chances are, they aren’t.
To be the very best at what you do (Olympians), or to hone a given skill or craft (Beyonce), takes a lot of time and energy. Period. Where is the balance in that? There isn’t, but that’ s ok. Does that make you think any less of that person? Probably not because you get it, you can understand and maybe even identify with it. Balance is a myth.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t at least try to sort things out a little bit. One of my favorite blogs, after all, is titled My Own Balance by Brittany B. I think it’s safe to say however, that she believes in the following:
Exactly! Does everyone need downtime? Yes. Should I add a little binge TV watching to my racing schedule? Of course. But does that mean you’re living a balanced life? I don’t think so.
Maybe, the most important thing is to live a HAPPY life.
If you’re unbalanced, but doing things you love and surrounding yourself with people who love you, then who needs balance? Be honest with yourself about the choices you’re making and what may really be holding you back from achieving your goals. It’s probably not balance, but just what you chose to do, and how you chose to spend your time.
In the end, we all die. My hope is that you die happy.
Are you balanced?
Is being balanced important to you?
Share a favorite quote about balance or lack of…
In my opinion, balance is over rated. As a kid on a teeter totter, we all tried just keeping it balanced for a bit, but really…it was a lot more fun going up and down as hard and quickly as we could. Even the balance beam in gymnastics is a bit of a misnomer. Sure they balance on it, but they are also flipping and dipping and defying gravity. Life is a lot more fun with dips and flips and defying gravity. You know I have a successful business (thanks to all our loyal customers) but we sacrificed A LOT to achieve that success and giving up balance in my life was one sacrifice. We missed many family functions like weddings because they were held on Saturdays and in retail, you must be open on Saturdays. We didn’t spend as much time with our grandchildren as I would have liked. I have never been the babysitting, cookie baking grandma I thought I would be, but you know what? I have a GREAT relationship with my grandkids and they LOVE when we get together. Like you said, it is all a choice. What does “having it all” really mean? Life is a roller coaster, that’s why we all need to live in the moment and live the life we are living RIGHT NOW. Balance sounds like having a strict routine…and that sounds BORING.
I love this so much – the analogies, the personal details and the advice – all of it! Thank you Aunt Chris. You know how much I value your opinions, and this just proves that we are like-minded and proud of it!
I have totally tried for better balance, but I think you said it quite perfectly that it really doesn’t exist when you are a mom and have kids. I just do my best and let the chips fall where they may. And my family does truly come first, so that is even why I do my best to shut down now in the evenings for a bit and on the weekends, too.
That’s it Janine! You have to figure out where you’re going to tip the scales and then just GO FOR IT! Family time will never be a regret.
Interesting read Allie, I am not really sure where I fall. I think I run better when I have balance…in the past I have become heavily infatuated with running well, and that was definitely not healthy. I ended up injured, and my world came crumbling down, but at the same time, I would say I don’t usually live m life balanced either. I like being busy, and I like doing as much as I can. Good for you for seeing both sides, but not conforming, and sticking with YOUR opinion 🙂
You bring up a really good point and one that maybe only someone in your elite position would know about. There’s obviously a huge problem when running is a HUGE part of your life, and then you can’t do it. I’ve been there, and it’s super ugly. However, I never would have learned how to swim if I didn’t kill my IT Band years ago. And, it made my running stronger, when I was able to get back to it.
Very good point Tina. Thanks for making me think 🙂
In 2013, my word of the year was Balance. I wanted to find the balance between blog life and real life. I think I did ok but I’ve come to accept that there will never be a perfect balance in anything. My favorite balance quote is from Albert Einstein – Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. Always!
I never heard that quote but I love it! I’m going to steal that one!!
YES! I love that. Keep moving, keep swimming – whatever it is – just keep on going! Thanks Angela 🙂
First of all..hey! Thanks for the shout out! Love this “See how that puts a little hitch in your giddy-up?”
Balance is a fickle friend and it is a bit of an illusion. However, it is also how you define balance for yourself. I have personally stopped using that word or try to stop. To me it is more about shifting priorities and managing my time to the best I can. I feel like I can do whatever I want to do, the choice is mine, as long as I am willing to make the tradeoffs.
Hell yes! That’s kind of the point I was trying to make. I’m stick of all this “find balance” BS everywhere. It’s all about living with the choices you make, the ones that are right for you. #boycottthewordbalance
So glad you like that little phrase. I stole it from my brother, but he doesn’t read my blog so… 🙂
I’ve always been a believer in balance. But you know, trying to achieve balance seems to be stressful in itself! You’ve definitely given me some food for thought. Thank you for sharing!
That makes me happy! Thank you for commenting and being honest. Love it.
Great post Allie! For me balance is almost impossible and I have learned to accept that. Sometimes when I think I have for plates spinning perfectly while standing on one leg there is always another plate I should be picking up. I know for a fact that when I feel like I can’t balance I step back and reassess what it taking up the majority of my time and how if possible can I outsource it. For example, my husband puts the kids to bed most nights after I do the summer homework, this gives me time to work on the blog. Another is having my mom pick up the kids in the morning. Saves me 30 minutes in travel. Chasing after balance is so ridiculous and time consuming but I feel that as long as you are happy with yourself and your choices you will be okay. Also, there are so so so many things I want but the need always wins.
Oh the plates, Neliie, all the plates!!! I hear you and I also try to do some of that. I should have added that you have to ask for help. I know that was a hard one for me, but once I did it, life magically got a lot easier. Great point!
I think you are right on with this. When we strive for “balance” we often fall short and wind up very frustrated. I like to think of life having seasons: there and ebb and flow to what you can and can’t do and ultimately the choice is yours. We have to recognize what are priorities are for the particular season we are in and recognize we can’t do everything all at once. For example right now my house, the laundry etc. at total mess because my mind is teaming with ideas from FitBloggin’ and I’m really trying to follow through on a lot of the “to do’s” I came up with while in Savannah. I’ll eventually get the the laundry…when Sophia starts asking why she doesn’t have any clean panties. oops.
Exactly!!! If it’s not a NEED, then it can wait. Balance schmalance. Thanks Sarah!
Whoa, you offer a unique perspective I’ve never really thought about before. I’d consider myself a big proponent of this elusive ‘balance’ everyone speaks of, but if I’m honest with myself, I look at my life and don’t see it. So if it’s not in my life (and that fact doesn’t bother me), how can I encourage people to strive for it? I do think people can become so consumed in things they think they ‘should’ or have to do (like work) at the expense of activities they desire to have more of in their lives. That’s when priorities need to be assessed and, possibly, some changes need to be made. But as far as ‘balance’ in all things, yeah, that’s probably a myth 🙂
So glad to have you think a little more about this. Like I wrote, happiness should trump all. If you have to work (and most of us do) so be it, but do whatever you want otherwise and forget if it’s balanced or not. Thanks Jaclyn!
I work, clean, cook and work out. I have 2 kids. My conscious decision every day is which 1 will be left out for the day. It was depressing and self defeating to know that I could never “win.” I know I got it right when I hear my daughters’ friends say, “Your mom works?”
Ha ha ha!!! Yep, that’s it Tina!
WOW you are soooo right. F–k balance. I vote for dying HAPPY.
Ha ha!! It’s in the genes! Love you 🙂
You are so right! It’s refreshing to hear some one else day that out loud rather than myself thinking this is impossible. I’ve switched jobs to balance life and it was horrible! I now know what makes me happy and some may say that is selfish, but if mama ain’t happy then no one is, right?! My 2 boys and husband have a better understanding of what I need in my life & we learn to balance what we need vs. want around it. I think women have a harder time of this balance for our generation to because we think we have to do it all… Successful career, amazing, well-behaved children, perfect house, etc.
I really enjoy reading your blogs! Thank you!
THANK YOU! I’m so glad. This is exactly why I wrote this…for anyone and everyone who thinks they have it “wrong” because they don’t have whatever “balance” is supposed to be. If mama ‘aint happy, then ‘aint nobody happy is the truest statement ever written. It’s not selfish and we have to stop that mindset.
This is so true! I don’t have balance. I don’t think I ever will. And the reality is, it is my choice to live my life this way.
Preach on sister! Just be who you are and be happy – period.
I’m unbalanced. 100%. Right now, I’ve been trying to go where the wind takes me, and many days it takes me to my bed with my phone to scroll through IG. Clearly that is all going to change next week once my training officially starts but even in that, I will be unbalanced. I am really curious to see how it all pans out.
I just want to be happy. That is all. 🙂
That’s what we all want. It’s fun to try different things to see what can make us happier, right? You’re about to find out!!
I’ve found that while I like the idea of balance in theory, in practice, trying to obtain it just leaves me frustrated and feeling like I’m not doing anything to the best of my ability. I also think that the area in which we’re unbalanced changes over time based on our needs, and that’s ok. I’ve bounced back and forth from focusing on running to focusing on travel, work, and whatever else I need at the time. I like the idea of being flexible in my lack of balance!
Perfectly put!!! Balance isn’t something static – it needs to move and grow as we do. Love this Danielle. Thank you!
Hmmmm…very interesting. I think balance is in the eye of the beholder and it depends how we prioritize things and what we consider important at any particular stage in life. My “balance” right now is way different than my “balance” 20 years ago. My “balance” is also very different from say an olympic athletes. So there in lies the question is there even a such thing! I know have in the past said that I just try to find a balance and I guess what that means is that I try to find time to make sure I get to do all the things that make me happy and spend my time on what is important to me. In the end, kind of like what you said….I want to look back on my life and be happy with my choices and make in difference in others lives! Love the thoughts here 🙂
Exactly!!! That was pretty much my train of thought as I wrote this. You know what they say about great minds Jen… 🙂
Oh my goodness YES I believe in that quote so much!!! Great post Allie! You are so so so right about balance being about making your choices! That’s actually why I named my blog My Own Balance. When I was working at my law firm I felt that a lot of my choices about lifestyle, health, fitness and family time were made for me because of my workload and the pressures put on me to not set boundaries. I made the choice to say no to this and live a life that is more about my choices. I think that is really what balance is all about…making your choices about your priorities and feeling happy about them. I definitely don’t think there will ever be a day where everything just falls into place and you feel this sense of nirvana. Rather, I think its more important to choose to be happy with what you have and what you have decided to pursue. If those choices don’t make you happy, then you need to change.LOVE THIS!
Oh I just knew we were on the same page Brittany!!! YES to everything you said!
More and more I’m coming to realize exactly how true this is!!! I have made choices and try to fill my day with the things I love (my boys, working out, blogging…..) intermixed with the things that aren’t my favorite but have to be done (cleaning at the venue, ironing, grocery shopping, meal planning…..) – for now it is working and most days I’m happy with all of it. Like you said – the key is to be happy!!!
Absolutely! There are always going to be the “NEEDS” but if we can have a lot of those “WANTS” then it’s a happy life indeed!
Raising my hand as unbalanced. And I love the point about thinking of our heroes and inspirations and wondering if they’re balanced.
um… no. They’re not.
We’re all trying and making choices, though.
Exactly. All we can do is try our best and hopefully, be happy with the choices we make.
This is the best thing I’ve read lately. I’ve been evaluating a lot of things lately for the sake of finding a better balance, but screw that. I just need to get done what I want to get done.
<3
Totally screw it Melissa!!! Love this. Thank you 🙂
I wrote something similar right after FitBloggin. I had to just come to that point!!!!! Hi-Five to you, Sister!
High five right back!! I KNOW you get it 🙂
I agree. It would be nice to have EVERYTHING but then you’d truly not excel at anything. No time! I’d rather limit myself but do what I choose well.
You got it Kate! You’ll be discovering all kinds of new “balance” with your new living situation 🙂
Ah ha ha ha! Me, balanced?!?! That’s like saying the Rhino is the nicest animal on the face of the planet. I am so unbalanced, but I feel like that just gives me character. When it comes to life, I try so hard to be balanced but since I work from home and for myself…. It’s hard to STOP working and START living every so often! 🙁
You sound exactly like my husband! Get an office OUTSIDE of your house already woman!!!…then you would probably just live there. Hey, at least all your un-balanced-ness is paying off huge. Please don’t forget about me when you’re (more) famous!!
I totally agree that balance is overrated. Why be a Jack of all trades, master of none? I definitely see the benefit in focusing on what makes you happiest and most fulfilled!
Absolutely! I feel like it’s more of a shifting, moving thing then something you’re constantly training to achieve and falling short of.
I love this Allie. I don’t have balance either, and I’m usually okay with that. I haven’t take my blogging to the next level because I’m not willing to tip the scales in that direction. I can’t do it without sacrificing family time and parenting time, so I won’t do it now. When I have more time to devote to it, I will. Your perspective makes tons of sense to me; I’m so glad you shared it!
Thanks Dana!! I know what you mean about blogging – it takes so much time and energy to just do the bare minimum. Taking it to the next level is like a full time job with little or no pay (in the beginning anyway!) so you really have to be ALL IN.
I love this post Allie! You are right! I did a post awhile ago about balance and my efforts to achieve it. I realized how mislead I was when I trained for my first half marathon. I threw myself into it and had to let some other things slide to achieve my goal. Things I “had” to do came second after training and the things that I “want” to do I did if time allowed for it.
Yep, we all do it. I was basically just calling my own bluff. Glad you could relate too!
I believe that “balance” is an industry created so people can write and sell “self-help” products and books trying to help you achieve balance..lol
i’m right with you, balance is non-existent. and you said it best, it’s about choices and being happy with whatever choices you make. People drive themselves crazy trying to find something that doesn’t exist..
Agreed!!! Maybe we should just write a book about it instead? HA HA!!
Early this year, when I found out I was pregnant, I gave up a few gigs that I was totally excited for, but realized I couldn’t do well, unless I neglected everything and everyone. I even slowed down my blog consulting business by taking on less clients. Physically and mentally, I just couldn’t do it.
My family always comes first. So whatever comes my way, I always weigh it against what little time/ energy I have after I see to my family, and that is way skewed to my husband and kids, of course. And that’s the unbalance I choose to have in my life.
And on weekends, I give ME a little more attention, and everything else in the computer (i.e. blogging/ social media/ work) is put to rest. 🙂
Exactly! The question is, does any of that make you feel guilty? My guess is NO 🙂 I love your unbalance.
I love this post so much. I feel like I have become a professional juggler some days. Some days I get everything done, most days I fall slightly short and someone is bound to be disappointed … often times me for wanting to do more. Not sure how I will throw a kid in the mix, but something will give and take when that time happens. Thanks for this great post. I’m totally unbalanced and am mostly ok with it. xo
So glad it resonated with you. I completely agree that most often, the person who is disappointed is ME. As for kids – you just do it and then forget what you ever did before. Honestly.
Thanks Jesica!