I hate using the word “lost” for what happened to my mom. She wasn’t “lost” at all but died after a hard-fought, five-year battle with a beast named Ovarian cancer. I was just about to turn 18 when she died and it was devastating. I had yet to graduate from high school and I often thought of all the other milestones she would miss. Those kinds of thoughts were very dangerous, and would reduce me to a whimpering puddle, alternating between tears and screams. It was agonizing.
For a time, I thought I would be lost forever, not able to climb back out of the hole I was thrown into. It was then, that so many amazing women came to my rescue. There’s no other way to describe it. These women have saved me in every way a person can be saved. They’ve lifted me up, given me wings and taught me to fly. Most of all, they have mothered me into becoming the strong woman I am today. As Mother’s Day approaches, I choose to not be sad for what I have lost but completely overjoyed for what I have gained.
AUNTIE CARLA – MOTHER SUPERIOR
I know she would prefer I use this picture, instead of one of her. Plus, she made the sign behind them for my second Mother’s Day in 2010.
I have often talked about my amazing Aunt because without her, I could never do and be all that I am. That is a fact. She thinks she does nothing, but she actually does everything. When she first came to help me with the boys (which is literally the day they were born!) I didn’t realize just how much I needed a mother. I hadn’t really been “mothered” in years, and what I felt is truly indescribable.
Here is the tip of the iceberg of what defines my Auntie Carla:
1. She was with my mom when she died. My mom asked her to watch after me and my brother and she takes it very seriously.
2. When I was in the hospital, after the twins were born, she came in with her homemade chicken soup, sent Mike home to get some rest and took over the feedings and burpings and diaper changings of two newborns, while I ate and slept. She’s like an freakin’ angel.
3. She does 80% of my laundry. Seriously. If there’s a single stitch of dirty clothing in my house when she gets there, she sniffs it out and washes and dries the hell of out it. Nothing dirty escapes her.
4. When we came home from the insanity that is Disney World with four-year-old twins, my brother, his wife, their two kids and the grandparents at 11pm on a Sunday night, I opened my fridge to find a fully-stocked array of food – fruit salad, baked chicken, sauce, meatballs, pasta (we’re Italian, come on!), a gallon of milk and a huge sign that read “Welcome Home!” I cried. Wouldn’t you?
5. She makes a point of being at every.single.race I’m in. Now you know – that is a lot of races. She’s my biggest fan and cheers and takes pictures and cries. She genuinely loves being there, and seeing all my hard work pay off. She’s one of the few who see my day to day struggles and my overall journey, from training to race – and most of it ‘aint pretty. But, she’s always there for me, cheering me on, pushing me to the finish.
I could go on, and on and on but I need to recognize two more “moms:”
JOANNE – STEPMOM, MEMERE EXTRAORDINNAIRE
Meme has come to love all things Scooby Doo – because her grandkids do.
My dad married Joanne a few years after my mom died, when I was about 20 years old. You can imagine how well that went over. I have to confess that I wasn’t always very good to Joanne, and it’s one of my biggest regrets. She is an amazing woman who took this wounded and broken family, and gave us a safe haven with her amazing cooking and selfless nature.
1. My kids love her more then almost anyone. I’m confident leaving them with her because she doesn’t take any of their crap. She has the best balance of loving Meme and prison guard. It’s perfection.
2. She has the biggest heart. She opens her home to anyone and everyone. Each holiday she will always ask if I have any friends who don’t have any place to go. She’s more then willing to make more food, although she’s often already cooked enough to feed an army.
3. I can tell her almost anything and she will never tell a soul. Joanne is the vault. She keeps all my secrets and I don’t even have to bribe her.
4. She’s fiercely independent. My dad is often away on business trips and she manages her own business (Curves!), takes care of the house, bills, trip planning and anything and everything else.
5. She has the memory of Rain Man. You can tell her your cousin’s, wife’s, brother’s kids birthday and those freakin’ kids will get a card and an Edible Arrangement on their birthday. She knows the name of almost everyone she’s ever met, their blood type and social security number. Clearly she should be in law enforcement. Maybe she’s secret CIA and we don’t even know it? Whatever it is, she’s amazing.
AUNTIE LAURIE – BAD A$$ MOTHER
Don’t let her smile fool you. She’ll smack you upside the head.
Auntie Laurie is most definitely the “cool” Aunt. She’s also the sister who is most like my mother. I love just being around her because I feel so close to my mom when I am. She is the ying to Aunt Carla’s yang, in that she doesn’t sugar coat things, or feel badly about things and never apologizes for being who she is. Who is she? Just one of the best Aunt’s a girl could have.
1. When Aunt Carla will text me about my upcoming race in Spain she’ll write something like “You’ve worked so hard but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Whatever you do will be amazing.” And Aunt Laurie will write “You’re going to kick so much ass!” Gotta love that.
2. Even though she has two daughters and just recently was blessed with the most adorable granddaughter – – she always makes time for me. If I asked her to, she would drop everything to help me or talk with me. Just knowing you have someone like that in your life, makes your life better in every way.
3. She couldn’t care less about what other people think. When my husband gifted me a rather expensive hand bag, I told her I felt a little silly using it around town. She said, “If you like it, just use it! Who cares what people think? If you spend your time worrying about that, you’re worrying about the wrong things.” After hearing that? I wore that bag when I was in sweatpants and a t-shirt to the local grocery store. I love that bag.
4. She gives the best hugs. Olaf has nothing on Auntie Laurie.
5. She gave Vaughn his first bath when I was afraid to. She showed me that I can’t break my newborns and no matter what I do, it’s the right thing because I’m their mother and I love them. She was right.
So yes, my mother dying was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I suffered. I still suffer but, having these women (and so many more!) surrounding me, teaching me, supporting me – has made me suffer so much less. I feel downright lucky. Some women lose their moms and have no one and nothing and I feel like I have everything.
Don’t even get me started about how ridiculously amazing my dad is…
Happy Mother’s Day!
[Tweet “I Lost My Mom, And Gained 3 More – this is for all the #amazing #mothers!”]
Do you have an amazing woman in your life who isn’t your mom? Tell me about her!
How will you celebrate Mother’s Day?
This. is. absolutely.wonderful. You are one lucky mama and they are lucky to have you! Happy Mother’s Day!
Thanks so much Angela! I’m very lucky…and so are my kids 🙂
Aww, these three ladies sound truly amazing to me and I am so glad they have been constants in your life. I can’t even imagine what you went through or felt losing your mom at such a young age. But I guess the saying ti takes a village does apply here and love how you gave these women a shoutout here today. Hugs to you Allie and wishing you now also a very, Happy Mother’s Day 🙂
Thanks Janine! It truly does take a village. Happy Mom’s Day to YOU!
Awww Allie! What a beautiful post! You have truly made the most of things, and I am not surprised in the slightest that you gained three more moms! I know your mum would be so proud of you for your wonderful attitude to life, and your three mums are proud of you too! This is so sweet 🙂
Thanks so much Tina. I know you have a great relationship with your mom and it’s such a wonderful thing!
What a beautiful tribute to all the amazing mamas in your life. But don’t forget – they are just as lucky to have you in their lives as you are to have them! Happy Mother’s Day!
Thanks Nicole! I hope you are home and happy in the arms of your whole family. Happy Mother’s Day!!
What an amazing tribute to the women in your life 🙂 I lost my father at a young age and found a new father figure in my father-in-law who was a sweet a man as you could want.
Oh that is so great to hear! It’s so hard to lose a parent, but when you can find a similar relationship, it’s makes a huge difference.
Wow- you are incredibly blessed to have such amazing women in your life! Just reading about you losing your mom makes me almost lose it… I just can’t imagine. So glad you’ve felt supported in many other ways. And now YOU get to be an awesome mom, too. Enjoy the weekend!
That’s right!! Thanks so much Laura. Enjoy your weekend getaway and Happy Mom’s Day to you!!
Truly a wonderful tribute to wonderful women. You are lucky! I still have my mom but don’t have the relationship that you experience with them. Great post!
Thanks so much Kris. As far as I can tell, you are a great mom to your two boys. I hope they celebrate you on Sunday 🙂
What a beautiful post Allie and tribute to these amazing women. So incredible to have so much love and support in your life. Lots of hugs to you and Happy Mother’s Day!
Thank you so much Christine. I am truly blessed! Happy Mother’s Day to YOU!!
What an incredible group of women, all of whom are so important and SO amazing to read about. As a fellow motherless person, I wish I could hug you and them. :)-Ashley
Me too!! Group hug! xoxoxo
Allie what an amazing post! You are so lucky to have such wonderful women in your life. I’m not sure I would have the same support system if my mom were not around. I need her so bad!
That’s exactly why I feel so lucky, despite having lost my own mom. Thanks Brittany! And – next year is YOUR year to celebrate mom’s day 🙂
What blessings! I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose your mom, but your life now seems so rich because of the bond you have with these special ladies, bonds that might not have been what they are without your mom dying. Cherish these ladies! I value the women who’re like 2nd and 3rd moms to me, who embraced me when we moved to a new city where I knew no one.
It makes all the difference, doesn’t it? I’m so glad to hear you’re equally blessed with multiple moms!
I may or may not have teared up reading this – how special each of these women are to you. Your mom knew what she was doing when she told Auntie Carla to take care of you guys. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Yes, she did! Thank you so much!!
This is beautiful, Allie. Really amazing. I don’t even have words, that’s how amazing it is.
Aw, thank you so much Michelle. That really means a lot!
So beautiful! I don’t think I have ever read a post from you that hasn’t moved emotionally in some way, whether it’s motivating me to get moving or just moving me to tears, I always love reading your posts! And I want to say thank you to all these wonderful women that made you the amazing woman that I’m so glad to call a friend 🙂
You just made my whole year! Thank you so much Rebecca!
this made me cry. What amazing women you have in your life. I’m sure they are just as blessed to have you. happy Mother’s day!!
We are all definitely very lucky. Thank you so much Melissa!
You really are blessed to have these women in your life, and I can tell that you know that. My guess is that they feel pretty blessed to have you as a daughter, too. Happy Mother’s Day to all four of you!
Thank you Dana! Happy Mother’s Day to you too – it was a beauty in CT!!
My mom is still alive but we don’t speak and haven’t really for years.
I had an incredible Mema until a few years ago – I’m fortunate that she was part of my life for just over 40 years!!
Absolutely! I hope you had a great Mother’s Day with your men Kim!!…not to mention a little race on Saturday…
That handbag you’re referencing.. is that the one I ogled at the park? ‘Cause it’s awesome! And mostly – YOU like it. My purse has a rip in it. I need a new one.
I’m pretty much crying here. The stocked fridge after Disney. I mean.. seriously. And Laurie’s wisdom and Joanne’s care for a grieving family.
It’s all so good!
Yes, that would be the one Tamara!! I’m laughing…:-)
The fridge full of food was seriously the best gift I’ve ever received – including the hand bag!!
You are truly blessed, Allie! Everyone needs an Auntie Carla, Meme and Auntie Laurie in their lives.
Happy Mother’s Day to them, AND to you! xo
So true! Thanks Alison and right back at you!
Like you I miss your Mother everyday. She was a very strong woman. She suffered ALOT in silence. She loved her kids more than life its self. You my dear Allie are alot like her in soooo many ways. She was tough on the outside but MUSH on the inside. She had so many happy years, unfortunely her life was cut to short.,but she does live on thru you. She would be so proud of you have become. Yes, me Joanne and Carla are here to guide and support you no matter what, but it is YOU who has overcome many obstacles in your life. Thank you for all the kind words. I love you Allie and you are sooooo going to Kick ASS in Spain.!!!!!!
You know this means everything to me. I just couldn’t love you more!!! Thanks Aunt Laurie!
Darn you for making my eyes leak! What a beautiful post Allie. You are all lucky to have each other.
Sorry!! Thanks Tara – hope you had a great mom’s day with zero sherpa duties 🙂
What a sweet post! And so glad God has blessed you so much!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Me too! Thanks Emma!
So sorry for the loss of your mom. We had a scare when I was around the same age with my mom thinking she had ovarian cancer as well, turns out she didn’t thankfully. You are so lucky to have 3 such great ladies in your life! My mom is the most important lady in my life and after her was my great grandma that passed away in January. Happy Mother’s Day to you!!
So glad you dodged that bullet and that you’re so close to your mom! Celebrate all that love and life!!
All of this has be so emotional!! You are so blessed to have such amazing aunties!! I mean a fully stocked fridge after Disneyworld?! That is simply awesome…I love that they take such great care of you too. You are so lucky to have them! I love that you have so many qualities of your mom in all three women. So beautiful!
Also, I was terrified (both times!) to give my newborns baths. Like scared out of my wits!
thank you so much for coming yesterday! Your presence was so appreciated!! Everybody wanted to know who the girl with the guns are! hahaha seriously big hugs & Happy Mother’s Day.