I have a confession to make. I’m judgmental. Anyone who knows me well will not be shocked by this revelation. Before I had kids I was blissfully unaware of the frustrations and constant struggles of mommyhood. I was definitely one of those people who were shocked at the bad public behavior of kids ranging from screaming at the grocery store to slapping a parent in the face. I would think “Why can’t they control their kid?” or “If my kid ever did that I would…” Of course now that I have twin boys I realize they cannot be controlled and I’ve taken my share of smacks to the face, stomach, legs – you name it, and my reactions differ depending on the situation. My point is that I had no clue how hard parenting was but I felt that I could certainly do a better job then these people with the psychotic, screaming, abusive children. Wrong!
If you’re a “good” mom then you know that parenting is a constant struggle. It’s a never ending ride of ups and downs except for one small detail – you can’t get off the ride! Sometimes you’re deliriously happy with your little munchkins and other times you want to leave home for good. I totally get why mothers abandon their children. I would never do it, but I feel ya.
Most conversations I have with other moms bring up familiar topics – potty training woes, sibling fighting, constant whining and why we would prefer doing a Zumba marathon to serving one more meal to those ingrates! Why then are moms some of the harshest judges of each other?
Once I had my little darlings, I immediately stopped judging other moms. Ok, maybe not immediately but very soon thereafter! A few years ago, when I was the manager of 12+ personal trainers, I would never “train from afar.” Meaning, if I saw a trainer doing mini-band walks with someone who clearly needed to lose 30 pounds, I wouldn’t rush to judgment on the trainer’s method. Instead, I would chat with them after the session and ask “Why the hell were you doing that?” Usually (not always!) but usually there was a very good reason for what they were doing. You never know what is going on with a particular person in a given instance until you have a conversation. It’s the same with parenting.
Don’t rush to judgment on why that mom at the park isn’t saying anything to her son who is throwing sand. Maybe he downgraded from rock throwing and she needs to pick her battles. Maybe she just found out she has breast cancer so who the bleep cares that Jimmy’s throwing sand? We just don’t know what’s going on so don’t judge! Moms need to stick together and stick up for one another. I’m calling for a “Mary J. Blige” effect at the park – please ladies – No More Drama!
When you’re in the trenches as a mom the last thing you need is someone else critiquing your choices. Let’s all just try to MYOB (mind your own business!) or, better yet, strike up a conversation with the person you feel mommy superiority over. Chances are, you have a lot in common.
Let me hear it…Are you a judger or have you felt judged by other moms? This is a judgment free zone so let it fly…
Women judging other women, whether it’s mom to mom or in the work place, no matter how old you are it just doesn’t seem to end. Why? To make ourselves feel better, that’s why. How sad. I try not to judge because I have been judged by other Mom’s and other women in the past. It’s time for us to move on to a higher plain!
Well said Diane! Unfortunately we can only control our actions and not those of others but I truly believe that most moms want to stick together and stop all the judging!! And you make a good point – it happens in all kinds of situations, not just parenting. It’s time us ladies started supporting one another more. Thanks Diane!