I just want to cry. I’ve been under so much pressure leading up to this race, that this was bound to happen. This is the post I never wanted to write. I should be talking about the great experience I had at A Healthy U conference in NYC in this space today, but instead, you’re getting this. What is this? This is my meltdown about what happened all day Monday and how I’m trying to come to terms with it.
Obviously this trip to Spain has a lot of moving parts. My binder for the trip is divided into about seven but, in my mind, there are two. The first is getting my family (husband, kids, dad and stepmom and myself) to Spain. I’ve been the lead in booking all flights, hotels, trains and car rentals. I’m also in change of all the fun details like plug adaptors, battery chargers, the boys’ entertainment (i.e. Leap Pad upgrades), passports, calling the post office, credit card companies and cell phone companies, and on and on and on and on.
Part two (did you forget after that list?) is the actual race! The details of that also go on and on and on and on, and I won’t bore you. You can imagine.
One very large “detail” is getting my bike to Spain. By chance, CRS (Coach Rocket Scientist) mentioned in an email that her husband’s bike was being picked-up by the shipping company on Wednesday (yes, he’s racing too!). We’re using different companies but, this prompted me to check-in with my company. I had been told by them that I would be able to ship my bike one week prior to the race. This seemed odd since I had to ship it almost three weeks in advance to get to Tucson for Nationals but hey, I have enough to do without questioning them. They are the professionals, right? WRONG.
I called them and was greeted with “Oh no!” (which is never good) followed by “You should have been on the list by now and I think it’s been finalized.” Cue heart attack #1.
To their credit, they called back after
realizing they could rake in more cash some finagling on their part and said they could add me if I could get all the paperwork done that day. So I cleared my day, and collected every number on my bike (there are a lot!) and after several emails/phone calls back and forth and paying a small fortune, it was confirmed that I could ship my bike out on Friday.
Wait. I’m sorry, did you say Friday? You couldn’t possibly have said Friday because I have a very important race that I need my bike for on Sunday. Cue heart attack #2.
I tried not to panic when the realization of what he said hit me. I swear it was like in the movies when everything slows down and you can’t hear anything but your heart about to beat out of your chest. If I was actually in a horror film (instead of living one!) I would have downed a shot of Patron. But I needed to stay level-headed.
I calmly told him that would be fine (because what else could I do?) and then started thinking of every conceivable way I could get another bike to ride on Sunday.
The race on Sunday is very important. It’s comparable to the actual race I’m doing in Spain, and for six months I have been training for it, as well as Spain. It will be the barometer of how I can expect to do at Worlds. It’s very, very important.
I tried to forget for a moment, that I would actually not be riding my bike for this race. If you’re not a cyclist, you’re probably wondering what the fuss is all about (as my husband did) but your bike is like your kid. Yes, I’m equating the two. They’re alike in that you know everything about your child’s personality (or gears), what may put him over the edge in a given situation (how touchy your brakes are) or what he needs to behave his best like sleep (grease), food (air in the tires) and a new toy – ok I got nothin’ here – but you get my point. When I’m riding, my bike is like an extension of me. It flows.
How the hell am I going to get another bike, fit it to me and ride it enough to be comfortable (while tapering!) by Sunday?
Cue heart attack #3.
As all of this was settling into my frantic brain, I decided to call the smartest woman I know – CRS! She stayed calm. She suggested I first call bike shops and then think of anyone and everyone I may know who has a high end bike I could borrow. She also said, if worse came to worse, I could ride hers! Now she seriously considers her bike as one of her children. She had mentioned to me several times that she doesn’t let even her husband touch it. I gasped when she said this and immediately pictured myself crashing it. Yep, I’m a real glass-is-half-full kinda girl.
I called every bike shop I know. I even bothered one of my good friends who was vacationing in Florida (I did not know this at the time!) because he has a good friend who owns a shop. No luck. Basically no bike shops rent high end bikes.
I started calling friends. My very first call was to a great friend who rides a ton and has a great bike. She immediately offered it to me and I couldn’t have been happier. Crisis averted! We were set to meet Tuesday night, ride together and then I would take her bike so I could have it fitted to me, the next day. Hallelujah!
She called me at 7pm that night to say she went on a group ride and her derailer fell off.
Cue heart attack #4.
That’s when I lost it. I was in my kitchen cooking salmon and roasting vegetables and I just covered my face and cried. Sobbed.
Then I collected myself and ate because I was starving and really, that eclipses even a meltdown.
I texted CRS with the latest news and she texted me this:
Can you tell I was hanging by a thread?
On Wednesday afternoon we met up to figure out how my 5 foot nothing body was going to fit on her 5 foot 4 bike frame. If anyone could do it, it was CRS – and she did. Even better – she lives on the bike course of the race, so I was able to ride the whole thing on her bike, and really build my confidence. Clearly, I need to pay her way to Spain now. She is amazing. Truly.
I’m still very nervous about riding her bike on Sunday but I decided, while on that training ride Wednesday, that I AM READY!
I also remembered what Don Sinkfield, LMHC, said at A Healthy U conference last weekend:
“Your mind doesn’t know the difference between visualizing success and actually being successful. If you practice it enough in your mind, your body will already believe you have done it, and rise to the occasion.”
I’ll be thinking about successfully running and biking the hell out of this race for the next two days. I have to believe that I’ve trained hard enough and that I will succeed, no matter what bike I’m riding!
See – I ended up talking about A Healthy U anyway because it was just.that.good.
[Tweet “Have you ever had a #race crisis? What was the outcome? I need a good success story right now! #Duathlon”]
What was the last crisis you had? What was the outcome?
Are you an optimist or pessimist?
Only YOU can keep it together under all this pressure!
You are going to kick asphalt on Sunday !!!! :-))
Thank you so much Marisa! You know your words mean A LOT!!!
I think havin this crisis means you’ll have a perfect race. All great races have a story like this to start- I swear!!
I am agreeing with Emma on this one… you’re still going to ROCK it. Your story will just be even more great because of this! 🙂
Let’s hope!! Thanks Cori.
I certainly hope so!! We shall see…
Wow! My blood pressure is elevated now. What race is on Sunday? John is his first race of the season. Am Zoff long course duathlon. Over 100 miles of racing at Mohonk Mountain.
It’s the Glastonbury Shamrock Duathlon – 5K run/25K ride/5K run – it’s shorter then Spain but, like a said, a good prep without going overboard 2 weeks out. GOOD LUCK to John!! I definitely want to do that one next year!!
Holy crap Allie! My blood pressure just shot up from reading this! CRS sounds like one awesome lady and coach. Good luck on Sunday – the drama is gone. Now you can ride like the wind!
She really, truly is. Thanks Angela!!
Oh, the stress!
I’m SO freaking glad for you that your coach came through with the bike. How awesome is she!
Very, very awesome. Thanks Alison!
Oh my gosh, I was stressed out just reading this! What a mess! And what a HUGE list of things for you to keep track of in your Spain prep… but I’m so glad things are coming together. Fingers crossed that was the last and only crisis!
Let’s hope!!! I’m feeling more organized now that I’ve shipped my bike off, and I’ll feel even better after Sunday. Thanks Laura!
Sorry for all the stress, Allie. Sometimes, no matter how much planning and checking you do, it just all seems to fall apart. I think having a good friend who stays calm is like a precious gem in your back pocket! I usually need that…
I definitely needed that! My husband was good too (although he didn’t really understand the situation) but my coach was just awesome. I’m obviously terrible in a crisis so I need calmness around me!
My type A personality is having a melt down on your behalf over this, lol!
I know you totally understand!!! Thanks 🙂
I know it seems like you completely freaked out, but you handled this tremendously, Allie! And now you’re going to kick ass in both races. We can’t wait to read all about it when you do! Good luck this weekend!
Thank you so much for saying that Nicole. I really appreciate it. Let’s hope I can keep it together on Sunday… 🙂
Wanted to cry for you and seriously so sorry you had to experience any of this worry. Just glad the crisis was averted and wishing you a ton of luck on Sunday now 🙂
Oh, thank you so much Janine. It was definitely a horrible day with so many ups and downs. I’m happy it’s over and hoping that will be the last of it!
This race is yours!i can’t wait to hear how you rock Sunday!
Thanks Shannon!!! I’ll need all my positivity!!!
First of all…how are you doing all of this. Even *ONE* of the halves of your trip planning would send me rocking in a corner from the stress, but you are doing both the family prep (which is ENORMOUS for international travel) and the race prep (which I can’t even imagine!)
I can’t imagine how discombobulating it is to have a different bike for a key race. GAH! Hooray for sweet friends who will let you use their bikes…but Nooooooooo for derailers that fall off. I don’t even know what that is and it doesn’t sound good. GAH!
I love that quotation. SO TRUE.
You are going to be FANTASTIC on Sunday! Take out all that anxiety and stress you’ve had this week out on the course and show it who is who!! You go, girl!! –Lisa
YAY!!!! I’m so pumped after reading that Lisa!! Thank you so, so much.
So happy you were able to find a bike to use. You’ll rock the race Sunday, regardless of whose bike you’re on. I consider myself a glass-half-full kinda person. Not always initially, though. Often, when crisis strikes, I freak out and try to hyper-control everything first and then… eventually… get to a place where I really believe it will all work out like it’s supposed to.
YES – you understand. I definitely try to hyper-control situations. At first, I tried to stay calm but once all the bike shops turned me down, I started to FREAK. Luckily, it’s all under control. Now I just have to race!!!
Oh no!!!! I do see a big upside to this, though. If you do well on Sunday, on a bike you don’t know, it will be such a confidence boost for Spain. If you don’t do well, you’ll know it was primarily due to the stress and the new bike and you can learn from your mistakes without worrying that you’re not ready. See? Win-win. I’m so sorry you went through that, though, the whole time I was reason I was feeling my heart drop into my stomach right along with you.
Thank you Carly!! I think it’s all going to be fine. Being able to ride the actual course on Becky’s bike was a huge boost. I’m ready and here’s to hoping that was the worst of it.
Ok. I recently found this meditation for anxiety. I think I need to send it to you!
But seriously, I can’t even imagine going through what you had to go through this week. What a crazy nightmare. But let’s just say that this is the bump in the road and everything else will be smooth sailing from here on out. Did you give the bike shop a really hard time for completely screwing you? What the heck!?
I haven’t had a major meltdown like this in awhile but I remember in law school I would get so uptight about things, I had them regularly. Oh my gosh. Every night we had to read a bunch of cases and brief them because the next day in class the professor would randomly select a student and start asking all these questions about the case and you never knew what the professor was going to ask. One time I did all my work but left it at home. Cue major meltdown. I also vividly remember competing in the law review competition where we had to pick up a packet containing about 100 pages of case law to read on Friday. Then by Monday at 11am we had to have a 10 page paper written on a topic we came up with containing proper grammar and citations. I was waiting for the train at like 10:30 and thought I was going to miss the deadline. I think I made my husband leave work and come meet me and he said I looked like I was going to die.
So, I feel your pain. When things are really important, it is hard not to get upset when they don’t go well! Good luck this weekend Allie! I’m cheering for you! 🙂
I absolutely need to meditate and just chill out after this race. I’ve been so tightly wound and it can’t be good!! Funny how I’m doing all of this to improve my health physically, and mentally I’m eating Doritos!!
I’m so glad you can relate, although your law schools tasks seem infinitely worse – wow!!
It’s so great your husband came to your rescue and could see how upset you were. Aren’t you glad all of that is behind you??
That graphic with Anxiety Girl? That is me. I was getting heart palpations just reading this, Allie. My husband often has to talk me down from the ledge. I’m the voice of reason for other people, but not for myself. Glad crisis was averted – have a great race on Sunday!
I’m exactly the same way with other people and my husband ALWAYS has to talk me down! So glad you can understand. Thanks Dana!
Don’t forget to breath! Oxygen is a good thing 🙂
Good luck, it’s been exciting following along, I’m motivated now to train for something – anything!
That is so awesome Stephanie. Let me know when you choose something and I’ll do it with you! Imagine the blog post on that!?
I promise to keep breathing. I love me some oxygen 🙂
Oh Allie! Sounds like you had one hell of a week! I am totally like you, I will jump to the worst conclusion and totally play it out in my head…on repeat! I’m glad you are all set for Sunday. I love that quote by Don Sinkfield. I really wished I could have attended that. My only crisis was on my half marathon day with me being sick and my dog getting hurt the day before. Everything turned out ok in the long run….no pun intended! 😉
It usually does! And, when it does, I’ll have a really good story!! Thanks so much Kris.
Breathe! It is going to all come out ok. That said, I would be having my own little hissy fit too. I’m glad you got it all worked out, but it does sound like it’s been a stressful week. I’m sorry Allie…hope its smooth sailing from here on in!
It’s been smooth since Wednesday so let’s hope that’s the last BIG crisis. I know some things are going to go wrong but I just want to make it through this race in one piece! Breathing…
Oh, Allie – I’m so sorry that your week has been so difficult!!! Ugh – I can’t even imagine having to deal with all of this so close to race-day. I’m glad that you have the coach you do!!! Clearly CRS was the perfect choice for you for more than one reason.
I hope that today and tomorrow are fairly relaxing days for you and that you go into Sunday 100% confident and ready for the day. You are going to be awesome and you have tons of people supporting you – friends and family that are close and all of your blog friends!!!
That is what keeps me going Kim! CRS has been truly amazing and yes, I picked a winner in her. I keep thinking about all my friends and family (blog friends included!) and writing the amazing success post I want to write afterward! I’m getting into my mind/body connection so I cannot fail!
I’m totally Anxiety Girl, except I wouldn’t have been able to eat over anxiety. So you rock because you worked hard on the salmon and vegetables!
My last crisis.. Well it was when Athena was sick with a bacterial stomach flu and she had diarrhea on the couch and I had to figure out our insurance policy on the couch and I broke half off half of my nail.
I hope everything is wonderful for you on Sunday!
My “training” as a mom has helped me be a tiny little bit better in crisis situations like the one you had with Athena. I’m just glad my kids were at school (and then in bed) when I was melting down. Things have been smooth since Wednesday so I’m ready to rock out on Sunday!! Thanks Tamara!
I was having heartache along with each of your hear attacks! I’m so glad CRS has been able to help with everything and I know you are going to be amazing!!
Thank you Stephanie – I really appreciate it because I know you truly mean it. I’m ready for Sunday – I just need to GO!
I’ve never had a race crisis but for other unexpected life events I try to keep as calm as I can so I can think things through and everything typically works out. Thank God.
The “staying clam to work things through” part is usually where I fail miserably! I’m trying. With each crisis I get a little better…I think!? Thank you!
Oh my wow. It is such a good thing that you called to check! I mean–This is spain not down the road! A week sounds way too short in my opinion! Your CRS is seriously an amazing chica. I love reading about your training with her, and now that she has offered you her most prized possession her bike…?! Well she earns super high bonus points with me. What a generous move on her part. 🙂 She must trust you like crazy!! 🙂 Good luck on your race this weekend—I am rooting for you!!!
Thanks Nellie! CRS is truly amazing. I have no idea what I would have done without her! I’m racking my brain for the perfect way to re-pay her, or just to let her know how much I appreciate her. Words are not enough.
Wow! What a week! Wishing you calmer and smoother days ahead. Good luck this weekend. I can’t wait to hear all about it!
It’s been calm since Wednesday so I’m READY to go! I just need some Vega bars and a start line 🙂 Thanks Jill!
I have not had anything like this in my fitness life but I can relate to the level of anxiety you must be feeling. I get upset at a lot less than that. I’m glad you found a solution and CRS sounds more and more awesome with every post.
She really is!! I’m glad to hear you don’t stress out as hard as I do. It’s definitely NOT a good thing.
OK even though I’m reading this after I know the outcome of the race, my heart was still pumping out of my chest. Holy crap!! That’s nuts but I’m so so so glad that everything worked out in the end. CRS is an amazing friend and you are too!
Thanks Christine!! Wait until you read about the actual race – OMG it was crazy!!! CRS is the best 🙂
I’m finally playing catch up! hoping the race went well…can’t wait to read about it. You really handled all those stressful things very well. High Five lady…virtually that is 🙂
Thanks Holly! So nice to see you!! Virtual high-five right back at ya!
I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Perfectly written!