I’m going strong on hump day! This is three posts in three days for the rockin’ blog party Joi is hosting at Rx Fitness Lady. I know you people who don’t blog think this shit is easy or dumb but, as I tell my husband when he wonders what the hell I’m doing all day: “These blogs don’t write themselves!!”
If you’re type A (like me) and want to get caught up, you can see my video from Monday here and you really don’t want to miss my controversial post about my boobs from Tuesday here.
Our topic today – Humor!! Who or what brings me the spit-my-coffee-out laughs? My 4 year-old twins of course! In the short time they’ve been here, they have spewed out better one liners then I’ve heard from Chris Rock, and it’s all free. Here’s some of their greatest hits:
5. When I was on day 2 of being trapped in the house with sick toddler twins who every second were asking “mommy” or whinning or hitting each other or some other glorious combo of both, I looked them in the eyes (which is not easy…looking into four eyes at once!?) and said “If I hear you say Mommy one more time I’m going to kill someone!” I know, I’m the freakin’ mother of the year. Vaughn responded: “Who would that be?” and then nodded in the direction of his brother and said “Miles?”
Last year they were Daphne and Scooby for Halloween. Vaughn as drag queen. Love it!
4. One morning when I was getting dressed, I spied yet another toy on the floor of the bedroom so of course I picked it up. Then 3 year-old Vaughn came marching into our room like he had been waiting and watching…which is creepy. He stopped dead right in front of me and with an out stretched hand said “Hand it over old lady!” WTH? I was 37 at the time and that is not old lady status.
I bet you didn’t know that exercise bands can double as sweat bands to make you look awesome.
3. When the boys were 2 1/2 (or some where around there) Miles always wanted to be held. I totally caved into this because well, I wanted to freakin hold him! This particular day I was rushing around because company was coming. This was back when I cared what my house looked like when company came over. So after running around with him on my hip doing a million things I said “Now I just have to call for the pizza” to which Miles started shouting “PIZZA! PIZZA!” If only it were that easy. And yes, I was “making” pizza for the company. Don’t judge me I had 2 year-old twins!
I don’t know what’s so funny in the tub…and I don’t want to!
2. Last year we were at one of those germ factories bounce house places. The boys go absolutely wild there. Vaughn came flying past me and I made out a shriek of “Mom I have so many gassers coming out of my butt.” Nice. Thirty minutes later he pooped himself and said “I told you about the gassers!” Right. Totally my fault.
1. Another poop story. Just warning you this time. When the boys were potty training, I took them to the park. At this particular park, the bathrooms are VERY far away. I made the mile long trip to the bathrooms twice in 45 minutes. After just getting back up into the park Miles announces he has to go again! I had enough. I thought, everyone tells me this is great part of having boys – they can pee anywhere! So I had him drop trow off near the woods but still very much in the park. Well, as soon as I had his pants down I could tell that he didn’t need to pee!! OMG!!! He pooped right on grass!! I thought I would die on the spot. Luckily there were not many people there and I happened to have a plastic bag in my diaper bag. I had to pick it up as if I had a dog with me. Totally disgusting but hilarious nonetheless. I have never made that mistake again. Ever.
I’ll leave you with this video of Miles just because the way he eats a lollipop is very…interesting.
What are the funniest (or grossest!) things your kids have done? What did you do as a kid to embarrass your parents or make them laugh?
Don’t kids say the best things?! In my family, a poop in the woods is cause for major celebration. It’s a necessary skill for hiking and camping, so the sooner our girls learn, the better! Our oldest really had to go when we were on a hayride, so my husband took her into the woods and she got her poop-in-the-woods christening. We were all so excited and giving her high fives. Isn’t it sad how much of your life revolves around your children’s potty habits?!
Yes, it is sad! If we had been hiking or camping I would have celebrated this also however…
HYSTERICAL. I don’t think I can remember what Ryan and Grace did, because I was pregnant with Maggie and Georige when they were little and at that ‘age’. All I can say is the blog above is hysterical! I laughed the entire way – and the video is the best – very talented.
All your kids still do so many hilarious things! We have no shortage of that when we’re together – that’s for sure!! Thanks Shannon!
HAHAHA the poop ones are cracking me up 🙂 also that first one- vaughn’s one liner “miles?” hahahah your kids are funny 🙂 i hope when i have kids one day they turn out funny. thats really all im aiming for. if they want to be doctors, lawyers, scientists, awesome, but if they can’t drop a witty one liner, what do they really bring to the table?
I completely agree!! I love how funny they are and all the faces they make. The boys also talk to one another like an old married couple because they spend so much time together!! It’s a riot.
I foresee lots of laughter in your home in the years ahead! Those were great stories 🙂
#MBC
Thanks Lydia!! It’s not all fun of course but there’s always a lot of laughter.
Kids are like portable entertainers we take with us everywhere we go for the next 18 years! I always tell my son he’s the funniest person I know, he looks at me like I’m crazy but I still say it!
I know, right? All of those “inside” jokes are the best too. I’m happy to hear your son is still making you laugh after 18 years. That is awesome!
Winner!! You made me laugh the most this morning – out loud, spitting out my water, tears streaming – laughing!!! Your stories about the boys are funny – love the “old lady” and the poop – good stuff!!!
My sis-in-law called the other day and said my super cute nephew Hays (he just turned 2) has a new habit of saying “hey lady” when he wants something form her – love it!!!
Hooray!!! OMG you just made my whole day!! Thank you so much!!
Love the “hey lady” – where do they get this stuff? It’s hysterical!
HA HA HA!! The old lady one made me BURST out laughing!! That is SO FUNNY!-Ashley
So glad I could give you a good laugh first thing!! Thanks Ashley!!
Oh my gosh! This is absolutely hilarious! I love it! I can’t believe the things kids say and do. The gassers one is a killer. My parents just reminded me this weekend when I was very, very young and would get overtired and cranky, I would cry and yell “I’m so SPOILED!” I really meant I was tired and grumpy but my parents thought it was hilarious.
OMG that is so funny!! The boys use words in the wrong context all the time. I have to start writing more of these down!
{Melinda} So funny … any doubt that moms have an incredibly interesting and challenging job?! Every mom can relate to these kinds of crazy things happening. My 13-year-old has been calling me “old lady” lately. In jest, of course, but good grief, I’m 44. And I still feel like I should be about 21. Where do these kids get off? 🙂
I can relate! I’m 37 and lately I’m feeling every bit of it…but yet still think of myself as so young!! I can remember thinking my parents were so “old” too and now that my dad’s 63 I feel he’s still young!! I guess you have to be “old” to get it. Hang in there with the 13 yo….I can’t even imagine the boys being that age!
My son pooped on the grass too – in someone’s yard. Charming. And I’m not judging – I don’t have twins or two year olds and I “make” pizza for company all the time!
I love that kids pooping outdoors is a widely experienced thing!! That makes me feel a lot better…and the pizza too!!
“Hand it over old lady.” Lmbo! Who says that? Which is worse, your son calling you an old lady or my daughter walking around telling everyone that her mommy is “dirty thiry”? *Sigh* Gotta love ’em. #mbc
That’s the funny thing about it – where do they get this stuff?? Gotta love the dirty thirty!!! HA!!
Okay, I actually have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at these! I LOVE it! That story from when they were sick is hilarious! And no he didn’t call you an old lady??? Kids say some of the wildest things. Oh, and LOVE the Daphne and Scooby costumes! LOL
I’m so glad you got such a kick out it!…I know I do!! The costumes are my favorites too. I can’t wait to bust that out at their high school graduation!
Those are some funny kids, Allie! Love the “gassers”; gotta remember that one. Too funny!
Thanks!! They think it’s hysterical!
You are funny as Chris Rock since you mentioned him and that is where these twins get if from boo. I often wish I could make stuff happen the way he called for pizza! Video is priceless!
You are going strong and I appreciate it! My people get it watching how this week is kicking my butt. Can you believe the first one I hosted my dumb a8S scheduled it on my work week! Learned how to read my calendar this time!
Thanks Joi!! I was a really just thinking that I have no idea how people post everyday AND have a “real” job!!! You’re doing awesome!! Hang in there…we’re over the hump!
Awww!! I love the gassers story. Not so much the aftermath. When I was potty training Scarlet, I was pregnant with Des and just plain not in the mood for anything. We were at a school playground after hours and she announced she had to poop. We went to try every door in the school but they were all locked. I panicked and then spotted an empty playhouse on the playground. I asked my friend for baby wipes (she had a baby with her) and Scarlet pooped into a wipe in my hand. Then I wiped her, put it all in a doggie bag and we came out to my friends’ applause. Well earned, I must say.
OMG that is hilarious!!! That totally trumps my poop story!! Love it. We need a message board about mommies handling poop in great outdoors!
I love both your poop stories!!! Hilarious! Most things that we find mortifying when they happen end up being excellent stories – hilarious in this case too!
It’s so true! In the moment I was shocked and embarrassed but also laughing b/c really, what else can you do?
All of them were funny but the poop in the grass was my fav! I know you were horrified. Does he remember now?
He says he does but I can’t imagine since he was only 2 1/2 or 3! I think he just wants to take credit for it because he thinks it’s so funny!!
I am laughing so hard at the thought of him pooping on the grass!
I remember laughing (after being shocked!) and looking around to see if anyone else was watching!! I couldn’t speed the process along so it seemed to take forever!!
Oh my – these are too too funny! # 2 & #1 – hilarious! 🙂
Well, I have a serious accent…which you need to know before I share one of my stories…when my daughter was two, we were in the grocery store wondering around trying to find forks…only the way I say it it doesn’t quite sound like “f-o-r-k” cos the “r” is silent…well, my daughter being 2 would repeat what I said EXACTLY as I said it…so she went upto another lady shopper and said “excuse me, my mom needs a ‘fo(silent r)k” …the lady gave me a wierd look and bolted …and I couldnt help but laugh!
I am visitng from Charlotte’s blog – so glad to have stumbled on yours!
That is hilarious!!! OMG!!! So glad you stopped over. Thanks for reading and commenting!
OMGeee!!! The gassers.LOL. You can’t make that stuff up. Kids can be the source of greatest frustration AND joy at the same time. Somebody has to be Daphne right? Love it! When m son first learned to use the potty for poopy, he did a softy. He was so happy that he jumped off the toilet to “spread” the news and make a track of poopy droppings through the house.
Oh so many poop stories and so little time!! I love that every mom has at least one crazy poop story!! It’s amazing how we ever learn to use the potty at all!!
LOL @ the gassers!! Potty training my oldest was SO HARD. I was also in my 3rd trimester so I was beyond done!! I am not looking forward to the baby’s turn!! We have had some major blow outs with the baby including him planting himself on my lap for 30 minutes, when he left there was a round wet patch of poop. ON MY WORK PANTS!! ahhhhhh!!
Oh no!!!! That is awful!!! Potty training is one of the worst stages but it’s worth it to get rid of all the diapers!! Good luck with the next one…
Gassers, old lady…hilarious! Lucky for you you are writing it down, it’s so easy to forget those funny little statements! Very funny post today!
Thanks!! I write everything down!! I have to admit that I’ve been slacking in my journaling. Luckily, it’s all out here for the kids and the entire world. Won’t they be happy about that?
Gassers…tee-hee. 🙂 Still giggling.
I know, right? Glad you got a giggle out of it…:-)