I’m going strong on hump day!  This is three posts in three days for the rockin’ blog party Joi is hosting at Rx Fitness Lady.  I know you people who don’t blog think this shit is easy or dumb but, as I tell my husband when he wonders what the hell I’m doing all day:  “These blogs don’t write themselves!!”

If you’re type A (like me) and want to get caught up, you can see my video from Monday here and you really don’t want to miss my controversial post about my boobs from Tuesday here.

Our topic today – Humor!!  Who or what brings me the spit-my-coffee-out laughs?  My 4 year-old twins of course!  In the short time they’ve been here, they have spewed out better one liners then I’ve heard from Chris Rock, and it’s all free.  Here’s some of their greatest hits:

5.  When I was on day 2 of being trapped in the house with sick toddler twins who every second were asking “mommy” or whinning or hitting each other or some other glorious combo of both, I looked them in the eyes (which is not easy…looking into four eyes at once!?) and said “If I hear you say Mommy one more time I’m going to kill someone!”  I know, I’m the freakin’ mother of the year.  Vaughn responded: “Who would that be?”  and then nodded in the direction of his brother and said “Miles?”

Last year they were Daphne and Scooby for Halloween.  Vaughn as drag queen.  Love it!

Last year they were Daphne and Scooby for Halloween. Vaughn as drag queen. Love it!

4.  One morning when I was getting dressed, I spied yet another toy on the floor of the bedroom so of course I picked it up.  Then 3 year-old Vaughn came marching into our room like he had been waiting and watching…which is creepy.  He stopped dead right in front of me and with an out stretched hand said “Hand it over old lady!”  WTH?  I was 37 at the time and that is not old lady status.

I bet you didn't know that exercise bands can double as sweat bands to make you look awesome.

I bet you didn’t know that exercise bands can double as sweat bands to make you look awesome.

3.  When the boys were 2 1/2 (or some where around there) Miles always wanted to be held.  I totally caved into this because well, I wanted to freakin hold him!  This particular day I was rushing around because company was coming.  This was back when I cared what my house looked like when company came over.  So after running around with him on my hip doing a million things I said “Now I just have to call for the pizza” to which Miles started shouting “PIZZA!  PIZZA!”  If only it were that easy.  And yes, I was “making” pizza for the company.  Don’t judge me I had 2 year-old twins!

I don't know what's so funny in the tub...and I don't want to!

I don’t know what’s so funny in the tub…and I don’t want to!

2.  Last year we were at one of those germ factories bounce house places.  The boys go absolutely wild there.   Vaughn came flying past me and I made out a shriek of “Mom I have so many gassers coming out of my butt.”  Nice.  Thirty minutes later he pooped himself and said “I told you about the gassers!”  Right.  Totally my fault.

1.  Another poop story.  Just warning you this time.  When the boys were potty training, I took them to the park.  At this particular park, the bathrooms are VERY far away.  I made the mile long trip to the bathrooms twice in 45 minutes.  After just getting back up into the park Miles announces he has to go again!  I had enough.  I thought, everyone tells me this is great part of having boys – they can pee anywhere!  So I had him drop trow off near the woods but still very much in the park.  Well, as soon as I had his pants down I could tell that he didn’t need to pee!!  OMG!!!  He pooped right on grass!!  I thought I would die on the spot.  Luckily there were not many people there and I happened to have a plastic bag in my diaper bag.  I had to pick it up as if I had a dog with me.  Totally disgusting but hilarious nonetheless. I have never made that mistake again.  Ever.

I’ll leave you with this video of Miles just because the way he eats a lollipop is very…interesting.

What are the funniest (or grossest!) things your kids have done?  What did you do as a kid to embarrass your parents or make them laugh?

 

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