Yes it’s almost Thanksgiving and everyone is out on social media being thankful for health and family and DIY turkey centerpieces.  I too am thankful for all of those things (maybe not the DIY turkey) especially when I’m celebrating yet another Thanksgiving without my mom but with a very healthy, huge Italian family.  I get it.  What I do not get is with all this thankfulness gushing out of our fingers, why so much nastiness and stupidity still surrounding me?

Inspiration can strike when you least expect it.  As I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off gathering my things after teaching a spin class at my gym, I headed to the locker room to quickly rinse myself in the shower.  I had to delve right into my day with the kids and didn’t have time to stop at home to bathe like I usually do.  Being the type A psycho person I am, I shower before spin class so I can just do a quickie rinse after class and get on with my day.

Type A

As in every locker room in every gym, I imagine, we have changing rooms in ours.  I threw all of my crap into one and then threw my naked body into a shower.  I do this every time.  I put all my stuff in the changing room before I shower so I can be just a tiny bit faster.  Are we detecting a pattern here?  Even my showering revolves around  speed!  Usually, it’s a non-issue. However, on this day the locker room was swarming with the what I refer to as the gang of pool ladies.  Now, if you’ve ever belonged to a health club that has pool classes for the silver sneaker types then you know that these grannies are not the kind who knit.  They are a soggy bottomed bathing suit, wrinkled militia.  They are harmless, until you cross them.  As far as a lot of them are concerned, they own the locker room and they like to spread out and take over.

Take my changing room and it's ON bitch!

Take my changing room and it’s ON bitch!

As I exited the shower (which I did in 30 seconds mind you) I could hear two of them cackle “Is that your stuff in there?” referring to my stuff in the changing room, “No, but it’s been in there for a long time.  You know what you should do?  You should just put your stuff on top of theirs!”  Oh yes, that will teach me a lesson.  Long time?  Are you insane?  So I roll my eyes because I know what’s coming.

As soon as I step out of the changing room I’m accosted by a big boned, grey-haired woman with a booming voice who says to me “Is that your stuff? (not waiting for an answer) “Because you have taken over that changing room, I was forced to change in public (furiously pointing to the open space of the locker room which is currently filled with half-naked women in the process of changing) and it’s ridiculous.”  Um, which part of this conversation is not ridiculous?  I can’t believe you were subjected to change openly in a women’s locker room.  And, I’m pretty sure that if you timed me from the moment my sweaty socks hit that changing room to the moment I stepped out, showered and fully clothed, it would amount to about 7 minutes.  I basically time myself for a living so you’re messing with the wrong girl.

Of course I said none of that because after her little rant she just spun around and *poof* was gone!  However, I would like to thank you grumpy granny because you have inspired me to write what I’m thankful not to be this holiday season:

1.  A a nasty woman in the locker room

2.  The person in charge of the Obamacare web site

3.  Miley Cyrus

4.  The woman who dressed as a Boston bombing victim for Halloween

5.  The horse Lady Gaga rode in on

ladygagahorse

6.  In the middle of a wine shortage

7.  A Giants football fan

8.  Someone who uses the term “first world problems” and/or “epic”

9.  The CEO of Lululemon

10.  A mom of triplets

After we serve this turkey it's twearking time people!

After we serve this turkey it’s twearking time people!

So as I gather together with my family this week I will be thankful that I have first world problems small problems compared to what is going on in other parts of the country, the world and apparently the locker room at the YMCA.  Thank you mean granny for setting me straight!

What are you thankful to not be this holiday season?  What’s your favorite Turkey Day tradition? What bothers you about other people in the locker room?