There’s a great monologue at the end of one episode of My So Called Life with Claire Danes when she laments how adults are always saying “just be yourself” like who you are can be concrete and definitive. Lately, I’m feeling I have various “selves” constantly jockeying for position, all of them wanting to win. One of my biggest problems is thinking I need to dedicate myself 100% to one thing and half-ass everything else, deciding some things are “less than” when maybe, it doesn’t have to be that way at all.
“People always say you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster or something. Like you can know what it is, even. But every so often, I’ll have like, a moment, where being myself and my life right where I am is, like, enough.” – Claire Danes as Angela on MSCL
WEEK OF MARCH 25, 2019
I’ve been running for so long now that I don’t feel like myself when I don’t run enough. This was one of those weeks. I’m getting toward taper mode as Duathlon Nationals is a mere two weeks away!
I’m not quite ready to let go of PRs where running is concerned but, in order to run faster, I need to dedicate more time, effort and recovery then ever before. I feel my relationship with running changing but, it’s not anything like a break up, instead it’s morphing into a long marriage that has no need for frills.
Most of my runs this week were on the treadmill by design. I’m doing mostly bricks of ride/run and the point is to transition quickly, as I will need to in my race, and not stop to put on five more layers of clothing before starting the run.
The best runs were on snowshoes and hills with some of my favorite people this past weekend. More on that later…
Tuesday: ride/run brick | 3.31 miles | 8:04 average pace
Thursday: ride.run brick | cruise intervals 3×1 mile fast | 7:34 average
Saturday: snowshoe running | 45-ish minutes
Sunday: easy run in VT | 5.75 miles | 8:44 average
Total = 12.16
CYCLING + SNOWBOARDING
I still have not made it onto the roads on my bike. I probably could have on Friday but I rearranged my schedule so I could get at least one more day of snowboarding before the end of the season. The cycling season has only just begun but I feel I’ve taken my last turn on the slopes.
I found a renewed love of snowboarding this season and it was kind of surprising. I definitely feel most like me when I’m carving though snow, hurtling down a gorgeous mountain and breathing in the Vermont air, feeling the Bern!
Tuesday: ride/run with hills | 17.4 miles | 1:00:04
Thursday: ride/run threshold intervals | 19.1 miles | 1:05:05
Friday: spring snowboarding with some rain | 2 1/2 hours of mountain time
SWIMMING + STRENGTH
I thought I would feel a tad rusty in the pool after missing a week, but I slipped right into my stroke like butter. It actually felt really good to do a longer swim after another grueling strength session with Antwan. I really have to start filming the stuff we do!
Wednesday: strength + swim | 1,800 yard swim |1 hour strength session
THINGS I LOVE
Getting to spend the weekend with some of my best blog friends! This group of fierceness has not been together in way too long and we definitely made up for lost time!
It’s funny that we all met through blogging but some of us don’t even blog anymore and we’ve definitely moved beyond the “blog friend” label. But, I keep using it because it makes people super uncomfortable and also makes them think less of me. #onlinewierdo
It was the perfect time to talk about my conflicting feelings with racing, career, life goals, you know — really surface stuff. Luckily, these women are all juggling athletic, professional and family goals too (and all the crap that goes with it) so I was in good hands.
There were many moments when I was truly just me.
THINGS I DON’T LOVE AS MUCH
Forgetting my pants at the gym.
I swear to Christ I am losing it over here. The feeling of absolute dread that washed over me when I realized I HAD NO PANTS to wear after showering at the gym is beyond explanation.
I had two options: wear the disgusting leggings I sweat in for over an hour in my strength session that had been curled up with my other sweaty clothes in a separate bag while I swam or…wear the towel I used after my shower with literally nothing underneath it. No, I didn’t have underwear either which is an entirely different story.
This may be a good time to mention I’m easily grossed out and I was seriously considering the towel option, sneaking out an emergency exit and taking my chances on the alarm.
I went with the first option and turned the leggings inside out, put them on as if they were made of snakes and sped home in record time. That was seriously one of the most disgusting things I ever had to do and I have 9 year-old twin boys.
I never felt less like myself. I have never, in the long history of packing clothes for the gym, forgotten pants. #FML < – – Google it!
Do I have a special read for y’all! < – – practicing my southern slang for my trip to Greenville S.C. in two weeks
I haven’t been digging my book club selections lately so I took a recommendation from another amazing blog friend Dana of Kiss My List.
The Silent Patient will suck you in from the start and leave you wondering just what in the hell is going on and who did what to whom? I bet you don’t figure it out.
The reader is told almost immediately that one of the main characters (Alicia) is found in her home with her wrists cut and her husband tied up and dead from several gun shots to the face! Hows that for an attention grabber? Of course everyone assumes Alicia is insane and killed her husband and then tried to off herself. The problem is she’s not saying a word. Until she does…
It’s an incredible story (a literary journey, if you will and, if you want to sound douchey) and I love that I wasn’t able to figure it out until I was smacked with the truth in the most fascinating way.
This was author Alex Michaelides first attempt at writing a book. I mean, are you kidding me? When I read something like this I feel like I could never write something so intricate and intriguing with such genuine characters who are so completely developed.
I bet Alex Michaelides never forgot his pants at the gym.
RANDOM PHOTO OF THE WEEK
This is blog life at its best. #viralphoto
Here’s to another week of being your genuine self – whoever it is at the time, and to never forgetting to pack your pants!
When do you feel most like yourself?
What’s the worst thing you ever forgot to pack, to the gym or anywhere else?
I used to go to the gym almost every morning before work.
Now I am relegated to my basement workouts (you now because leaving sleeping children home alone is frowned upon).
Anyway I had exactly 40 minutes between gym workouts and getting to work on time, So there was NO Going home.
Things I forgot: a shoe. Not shoes. Just one shoe. At work sneakers are not acceptable! Luckily my coworker stashed some shoes under her desk and i could borrow hers.
– a Bra – yep, you read that right. And I am blessed to very much NEED a bra! As I said I didn’t have time to go home so I “broke into” my parents house who live much closer to my job and found one of moms bras that worked.
Don’t you wish you could leave the sleeping kids? Haha – I know the feeling. And I have forgotten all of those things too but never something I couldn’t actually walk out the gym without!!! It was crazy. And I could definitely do without a bra…and have – LOL!!
OMG on the pants. I would have had the same debate you did. I think people who don’t blog might think I have superficial relationships with people “I met through blogging” but I have found that we forge deep connections over the internet that are reinforced when we get to meet up “irl”. Interesting thoughts on being yourself. I think the truth is that you are all of the different selves, and they probably complement each other as much as they create tensions.
Yes to the deep blog connections! I think it’s because we can choose the blogs we read and then we are fully invested in this stranger’s life, until they are no longer a stranger. It’s kind of amazing and I love it. And yes, I agree the different “selves” often compliment one another.
Thanks for reading!
Omg the pants!!! I would have done the towel walk of shame. I hoped you showered again once you got home. Lol! Thanks for a lovely weekend! It was just what I needed even though I didn’t know I needed it. ❤️
I know, right? I didn’t have time to shower again but I used some wipes – LOL. So absolutely gross but I will definitely NEVER do that again. In fact, I’m now keeping a pair of black leggings in my gym bag at all times.
And this past weekend was AMAZING!! Can’t wait until August 🙂
My relationship with running is complicated as well and ever changing. I love having the chance to see my blogger friends in person. We do forge interesting bonds that are certainly unique and very special. Looks like fun weekend full of laughs!
Yes and YES! I know you completely understand both of those things. Thank you 🙂
For the record I have forgotten every single other clothing item…except for pants. But now that you put it out there, it’s gonna happen! Putting the sweaty gross stuff back on is, yeah, gross! That is a blogger pic for the ages!
Me too!!! I was stunned. And now I have an “extra” pair of black leggings in my gym bag just in case. I mean, my bag is getting ridiculous with all the “extras!” Thanks Marcia.
Great question! I can tell you that I never felt less like myself than I did this week. Not being able to run was really messing with me. And then I got to run on Saturday. Slow and by 5 miles, I was toast, but I felt better. What is going to happen to me when I can’t run anymore?
I do love my tribe. My BFF in Alabama? People ask how we met and it’s embarrassing to say that we met through our blogs. But it is what it is. She’s my sister from another mister. I have many other online friends and I feel so fortunate to have them in my life. My life is fuller because of them.
I don’t think we can think or worry about what will happen when we can’t run anymore. It’s too much!! Hopefully it will come by choice. And I know you have a strong tribe and totally get the online friend thing. I feel fortunate to “know” YOU and someday we WILL meet 🙂
Sounds like such a fun weekend with some amazing ladies! And OMG the pants. I’d probably end up showering again once I got home. I have forgotten shoes, which pretty much defeats the purpose of going to the gym.
It was! And we definitely talked about you and how excited we are about your recent news 🙂
The pants thing was seriously so gross and it will never happen again!!
I cannot believe you forgot your pants! Too hilarious!!! And, totally the best weekend. It’s been way too long! Now can’t wait for adventures with Team Air Supply!! Haha!
Me either. It was disgusting and horrifying but now I know it will NEVER happen again.
This past weekend was so great and I can’t tell you how excited I am for August!!! #TeamAirSupply
when I daughter-in-law at St.Edward’s at morning recess I looked down at one black and one brown shoe!
Fun to read of your adventures.
HAHAHA – yep, I remember that story!! Thanks Janie.
You totally crack me up. The missing (or forgotten) pants! You realize, that would be a great title to a blog post, or even a novel 😉 My running keeps evolving, too. I do not consider myself a “racer” (in the absolute least), but recently I’ve had some decent finish times…and it’s been a rather fun ride and change of pace (no pun intended). That said, I’m ready for some easy-does-it races now…hopefully in near-perfect weather. What a great weekend for you and your “blogger” friends 😉 I’m headed to DC for the Cherry Blossom in a few days and plan to enjoy some quality time with a few of my blogger friends, too 😉
I know, right? I should have done just a whole post on the missing pants! Thanks so much Kim and I can so relate to the evolution of running as I get older.
So excited for you about the Cherry Blossom! Can’t wait to read that recap and see the pics. Like most runners, that is definitely on my “someday” list!
ok I know it’s not funny but I was totally laughing about your pants situation. I may or may not have walked out in the towel pretending like nothing at all out of the ordinary was going on.
I once went to bodypump wearing all my clothes for spinning. I didn’t go to bodypump that night. I don’t think they would have appreciated my bike shoes in class.
I also forgot pants to change into after the paris marathon breakfast run. then I made ron walk apparently 100 miles (as he tells the story) to buy new pants at a sports store. I’m the reason the marathon the next day was so tough (not the fact that he was running at suicide pace) – because of all the walking.
I also once went out for a run with my pants on inside out. I wondered why the nike logo looked so odd.
when do i feel most like myself? Hmmm. Probably when I’m running. certainly not at pilates. often I feel like I have imposter syndrome. I wish I didn’t, but I feel like that sometimes with my massage clients. My boss always said to me “they think you are the expert, so be the expert”.
It’s funny NOW so totally ok to laugh 🙂 And I’m laughing at dressing for cycling but thinking you’re going to BodyPump. Yeah, that does not work. I also love Ron’s version of the story – LOL – and you as the scapegoat for the aching legs. That is exactly something my husband would do.
I hear you about your profession and feeling like you’re faking it. I think most REALLY great professionals think that way because they are always trying to improve and get better, so I would take that as a very good feeling 🙂
Please do not hate me but I laughed really hard when I read about your pants situation. But it will come to bite me and I know that one day that will also happen to me.
What a fun weekend you had with your friends. Looks like lots of fun.
No hurt feelings – it’s supposed to make you laugh. I laughed after I was horrified about how exactly I was going to get out there!
It was a really great weekend and we are lucky to have one another. Thank you!
To me, being your true self is just being whatever seems natural and authentic to you at the time. There are no rules here – we can change or we can stay the same as the weeks go on 🙂 I think I feel most like myself when I’m doing things I love too.. so writing, cooking, being outside doing things like hitting the trails, doing yoga, etc. With this being my first winter in New England, I have been dying to get outside to go biking and hiking and just feel my feet in the sand.. thankfully spring seems to be arriving!
Absolutely agree about being your genuine self while doing what you love. And, now that you’re a New Englander, you have to learn to love the snow and ice! If you dress for it and find something you really enjoy (skiing, snowshoeing, ice skating, whatever!) you will start to embrace it!…you should also plan at least one trip to somewhere warm between Feb and April 🙂