R. Kelly? Canceled. Juul? Also canceled. Toxic people? Canceled, canceled and canceled. In case you’re not familiar, a new-ish popular thing among adolescents and teenagers is to “cancel” offensive things. It’s brilliant when used appropriately. Lately, I’ve been canceling a bunch of shit as my ever-evolving mid-life takes shape. And yes, of course my hair is a different color and no, I’m not canceling the blog…yet.
A LONG DAMN TIME HAS PASSED
Obviously I will try not to bore you with all the details since my last post but here are some highlights from the past two months…
RUNNING
Running is not canceled and hopefully never will be. I feel like running and I are falling in love all over again. I run most days — sometimes far, sometimes not, sometimes faster and sometimes slower — and I have enjoyed every single run. What I’ve canceled is all the tracking.
It was incredibly hard to delete my Garmin and TrainingPeaks apps but, if I’m truly not concerned with competitive racing then they needed to go. I need the space in my head for school and to settle into my love of running again.
It’s been difficult to sway my thoughts from splits and heart rate and pace to just enjoying what I’m doing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still attacking a lot of my training with the same fierceness I’ve always had but I’m done scrutinizing all the numbers.
To give myself some incentive, I pried my Garmin off my wrist and replaced it with an Apple Watch. I have officially sold my soul to the devil. And it feels (mostly) good.
CYCLING
I’m still really enjoying cycling in my basement while watching Ray Donovan, The Morning Show and Breaking Bad (for the second time!) but what I’ve cancelled is my Garmin computer and I’m only using my Apple Watch which gives me almost zero data. Power output? Canceled. Cadence? Canceled. Training Effect. Canceled. You get the idea.
I’ve also started to get back to spin classes when my schedule allows and its a great way to mix things up!
SWIMMING + STRENGTH
Swimming is mostly canceled. I knew it would be the first thing to go but honestly, its just hard to make time to get to the pool when I do most of my workouts from home. I’m eager to test the Apple Watch in the pool though so I’ll have to report back on that one!
Strength training with Antwan is still full speed ahead and I love our weekly sessions. Well, “love” is a strong word when you’re basically being tortured but I always do feel better and stronger afterward. Plus, it’s keeping me upright and snowboarding all.day.long! #goals
THINGS I LOVE
2020 marks 20 years of running for me. Yep. That’s a long ass time for anything and longer than almost any relationship I have ever had. I started in 2000 when I moved home from Los Angeles and was wickedly depressed…because I moved home to cows after I had been living in L.A. for three years! Running saved me then and it has saved me a million times over in the 20 years since. Here are a few things I’ve learned:
Ignorance is bliss: some of my best running times and races were when I knew almost nothing about the sport and had no expectation for finish times let alone heart rate, efficiency, power output and all the other things I learned over the course of a decade of racing. I do, however, wish I had known about chaffing right away.
Below is obviously a very old picture of me from 2006 (from an actual camera), crossing the finish line in the Hartford Marathon for a Boston Qualifier by 10 minutes (3:30:58). I didn’t really know anything about the mystique of the Boston Marathon. All I knew was that everyone wanted to qualify and, since I had graduated from Boston University, it seemed only natural that I try to do the same:
Fail. The Bigger, the Better. It’s so, so very good to fail (even though it hurts like hell in every possible way!) because it makes you a better person. When you fail big, like I did SO many times and most memorably at the NYC marathon in 2015, it put life into perspective and running in its place.
This is the moment I figured out I had better stop whining and realize I’m crossing the finish line of one of the most iconic marathons in the world! And although I didn’t reach my goal of 3:15, I went for it and blew up spectacularly!
Running is Not Therapy. I know, I know, I’ve said it too but if you’ve ever been in actual therapy with a licensed professional, then you know the difference. As someone with an anxiety disorder with a side order of trauma and grief, running absolutely helped me work though some of the demons in my head but I didn’t start to make progress toward true mental health until I started seeing the right counselor.
Being Fast (or winning) Does Not Make You Happy. Sure, its cool to see how fast you can go when you work tirelessly toward a goal, and yes it was amazing to win a sword after coming in first at a local triathlon, but I’ve had some of my most enjoyable, satisfying races when I wasn’t trying to win the day. An article one of my blog friends shared with me on “arrival fallacy” explains a lot. Basically, when you think “once I place in the top 10 at triathlon nationals, I’ll feel satisfied,” you won’t. Satisfaction and contentment come from within. (see above)
Me in 2014 with my sword:
THINGS I DON’T LOVE AS MUCH
The disappointment that was my Range Rover, Claire. Talk about arrival fallacy. The Range Rover was my absolute dream car and turned into the absolute worst vehicle I have ever owned, by far, hands down. Claire was a disappointment from the moment I got her and, one week later, broke down completely and had to be towed. The nonsense just continued from there.
I’m happy to report that Claire has been cancelled.
TELEVISION
I have only watched the first episode of The Morning Show on Apple TV, mostly because I have to watch it on my iPad or laptop, which is kind of annoying. I did love that first episode though, but I kept thinking about Matt Lauer which I’d rather not do. I hope it takes a sharp turn away from the anchorman character and gets deep into Jen Anniston’s and Reese Witherspoon’s instead!
Shameless season 10 does not have Fiona (Emmy Rossum) and is therefore canceled. Sadly, Ray Donovan is also hanging on by a thread. The Irishman on Netflix was so boring. Canceled. I’m dying to see Little Women and Just Mercy but settled for Jumanji II which was seriously amazing…for a kids movie.
The best TV show I’ve seen so far? Watchmen on HBO! And it is GOOD. First off, Regina King. Second, Regina King kicking ass as Sister Knight and a whole bunch of crazy story lines that all come together at the end of season one. Perfection.
RANDOM PHOTO OF THE MONTH
After I sent the picture of me on the left to my cousin, he sent back the picture on the right. Obviously I had to then do a side by side.
Presenting me, as my best Han Solo, on a shitty weather day at Okemo…
Feel free to start canceling things and people from your life and you should start feeling better in the new year. Maybe.
I’ll be feeling better in Turks and Caicos (once I get off the plane!) for a few days before starting back to grad school. I prefer snow but I guess a little sun will be good for my Cuban soul!
See you soon…
Ahhhh so happy to this in my email this morning! Glad you didn’t cancel this yet! I too am in my 20th year running this year and so much has changed since those early days. I used to run far and fast. I can no longer run far and fast but I’m still out there. Your blog has helped more than you know. Even though, in my opinion you are a local elite, you bring things way down to earth and have helped me transition into this non competitive runner. ( so mentally hard to accept). With your help, I’m learning that to be “a runner” simply means being out there. So thanks for that. Your new path will certainly be a success!
Thank you so much for saying this! I so appreciate it!! And yes, the transition is incredibly hard to accept but we’re still out there and still running and still enjoying the sport we love and that is truly what it is all about!
I’ve been in cancel mode for a long time. I made a new year’s resolution to uncancel certain people in my life but I’ve quickly realized why I canceled them in the first place. Can I re-cancel? I mean, who’s got time for that?
Not canceling running either but stepping back to a place where running is enjoyable again. And is it ever!
I’m glad you didn’t cancel the blog–I love your insight and whip-smart sense of humor. I hope everything is going well!
You kill me!! Yes, you can absolutely re-cancel. As someone who has done that I think we forget there was a VERY legit reason for the cancellation in the first place so totally fine to re-establish it. Thanks so much for being a great friend (albeit one I have yet to meet in person!) over the years with this blog. I feel like I can count on you for like-minded, loud mouthed opinions 🙂 And stepping back and enjoying running is everything!
I love this post and I am seriously amazed that you gave up your garmin! I’m so impressed!!!! It’s hard when we are in the midst of identity shifts to let go of what we think defines us. Enjoy next semester.
Thanks for the realization of that because MAN was it HARD!…it still is, but I know I needed to do it for exactly the reason you stated – it doesn’t define me and I need to let it go!
Happy New Year.
Same to you!
I think it’s great that you are doing what you love on your own terms. I agree going faster and farther does not necessarily make you happier. I wanted to love morning show. I liked it but did not love it. If you are looking for a good binge watching workout show check out YOU on Netflix and watch the first season first. Nice to see you back
Thank you Deb! And I’m surprised you didn’t love The Morning Show!? I can’t get enough! And I watched the first season of YOU and it’s addicting – looking forward to season 2…I think? It’s SO dark but that’s kinda what makes it so good!
I’ve been in this place you speak of with running for awhile now. It’s why I hardly ever race. I just don’t care about pace and finish times anymore. I like the feel of running whatever, whenever. The Garmin stays on (mostly) but I don’t look at it anymore. It’s very freeing.
I’m going to go watch Watchmen now. Your recommendations are always spot on!
Have so much fun in T&C!
I know you have been and it’s so great to have women like you and Wendy to show me how its done – LOL 🙂
I really hope you love Watchmen as much as I did…and The Morning Show is really good too!
Turks was gorgeous but honestly, I have no clue why it’s so much more expensive then the other islands…and Hawaii is still number one in my book!
Happy new year, Allie! I like the “cancel” concept – giving yourself permission to let go of whatever isn’t working for you. You’ve certainly cancelled some big things, but it sounds like you are good with all of it. May this be a year of embracing what you love and cancelling what you don’t!
I am and it IS!! Thanks so much Dana and its great to hear from you!!
Yeah, it’s never a bad idea to “cancel” things that aren’t working for you. Running can be tough for me but you gotta do what you gotta do! I think everyone hits these plateaus at one point or another.
It is so good to look back and analyze which activities still have a place in your life and which need to go. Props to you for 20 years running! I have been skiing for six now and I also feel happy that I have dedicated time to this sport I love so much.