I recently read an article in The Atlantic Magazine that I just can’t get out of my head. It’s haunting me the way a good book does. It’s taken over my thoughts when playing with my kids or watching them in various activities. It was the cover story that caught my attention:
I often think, as perhaps many of you do, about how my childhood was so vastly different from the one my kids have. When I was a kid, I would play outside on my bike or build “forts” in the woods for hours, unsupervised, with the neighborhood kids.
I grew-up in a very rural, small town on a practically deserted street with (what I thought) was an overprotective mother. Except, the only time I really saw my mom during those playful days, was when she called me in for dinner. My brother and I are only 16 months apart (and nothing like twins!) and in my mom’s mind, if I was with him, I was ok. This was the general consensus of all the neighbors and, I used the term “neighbors” very lightly since the five houses on my street were spread out over a mile. We were also permitted, by the age of 8, to ride our bikes “around the block” which was 3.5 miles around, and even less populated.
What happened between then and now?
The Atlantic magazine article takes an amazing look into why we overprotect our kids, and if we’re doing them harm by our constant hovering. I strongly encourage you to read the full article HERE but I’ve highlighted some pretty impressive points below:
THE LAND: The article opens with this scary looking “playground” the author (who is a woman by the way) visited in North Wales with her son Gideon. It looks mostly like a dangerous junkyard – filled with pallets, fires, discarded tires and old mattresses. It’s a place that was developed in the 1940s by Lady Marjory Allen of Hurtwood because she wanted to encourage “a free and permissive atmosphere.” Take a look:
Check out the kid doing backflips on the mattress! (far right)
Most of the kids go there alone. There are attendants to make sure there are no serious injuries (and there haven’t been) but mostly, they leave the kids to explore.
The author of the article, Hanna Rosin, showed a video of kids burning fires there, to her friends back in the states who all had the same reaction: “This is insane!”
Rosin notes that “If a 10 year-old American kid started a fire in a playground, someone would call the police and the kid would be taken for counseling.”
Why the fires? “It can be a social experience to sit around with friends, make friends, to sing songs to dance around, to stare at, it can be a co-operative experience where everyone has jobs. It can be something to experiment with, to take risks, to test its properties, its heat, its power, to re-live our evolutionary past.” What a concept!
The author’s son, playing with fire, in The Land.
Think about the playgrounds our kids go to. Think about all the different ones you’ve visited with them. Are they all pretty much the same? There’s a reason for that:
“In 1978 a toddler named Frank Nelson made his way to the top of a 12-foot slide in Hamlin Park in Chicago, with his mother, Debra, a few steps behind him. The structure, installed three years earlier, was known as a “tornado slide” because it twisted on the way down, but the boy never made it that far. He fell through the gap between the handrail and the steps and landed on his head on the asphalt. A year later, his parents sued the Chicago Park District and the two companies that had manufactured and installed the slide. Frank had fractured his skull in the fall and suffered permanent brain damage. He was paralyzed on his left side and had speech and vision problems. His attorneys noted that he was forced to wear a helmet all the time to protect his fragile skull.”
In January 1985, the Chicago Park District settled the suit with the Nelsons and Frank Nelson was guaranteed a minimum of $9.5 million. Our parks have never been the same.
At the time of the incident, a reader wrote to the local paper…
The article goes into a lot of detail about what happened after that incident. Basically, the country lost it’s mind and wanted to protect kids everywhere from the accident that happened to little Frank. The truth is, it was an accident and the chances of that happening to any kid, any where at any time, are pretty much the same (very small) and have remained that way since 1978. Again – – what are we so afraid of? Is rubber mulch really the answer?
DISCOVERY: Do you remember having a childhood secret hideout that only you and your very best friend knew about? I do. I’m sure, to this day, my parents had no idea that me and Mary Riley would sneak down and explore the giant drainage pipes beneath our road, for hours on end. My first thought today, as a parent, is “Oh my God that was so dangerous!” But, was it?
According to Rosin, in 1971, 80 percent of third graders walked to school alone. In 1990 it dropped to 9 percent and is even lower today. The most common reason given by parents? It’s too dangerous. But is it? Turns out that kids today have the same chance of being abducted by a stranger (very slim) as they did a decade ago.
PARENTAL INTERFERENCE I admit it. I’m a smotherer. Not to the extent of some parents I’ve seen, but pretty bad. I always jump to the worst possible conclusion in a given scenario with my kids. If they disappear for seconds at a park? They’ve been abducted! They grow silent upstairs in their room at home? One or both of them is unconscious. Where did this fear come from?
Think about this: Even though women work vastly more hours now than they did in the 1970s, mothers—and fathers—of all income levels spend much more time with their children than they used to.
How much time do you spend with your kids when they’re home? I spend a TON of time with mine at home, in the car, taking them to playdates and activities, listening to the Frozen soundtrack ad nauseam – all things my mother certainly did not do, even though she was also a stay-at-home-mom.
The author makes the astounding discovery that:
“I might easily spend every waking Saturday hour with one if not all three of my children, taking one to a soccer game, the second to a theater program, the third to a friend’s house, or just hanging out with them at home. When my daughter was about 10, my husband suddenly realized that in her whole life, she had probably not spent more than 10 minutes unsupervised by an adult. Not 10 minutes in 10 years.”
Whoa.
The children studied by Roger Hart in the 1970s spent much of their free time out of sight of parents, in secret places all their own. (Roger Hart)
TRUST: If the chances of an accident, like the one little Frank Nelson had, have remained the same, as well as the chances of being abducted by a stranger – what kind of crime has increased? Family abduction. Remember Gossip Girl’s Kelly Rutherford and her very public custody battle to get her kids home from her husband in Monaco? What about David Goldman whose wife abducted their son to her native Brazil? One Google search on “family abduction” yielded thousands of links!
According to The Atlantic article:
The author goes on to say that the change of culture in America – with the rise of divorce, more single-parenting and working moms – creates less of a community and breeds more fear, which leads to parents trying to control what they can and love most. At the top of that list, for sure, is our children.
Reading this article has been freeing for me. All the points being made about how important it is for kids to learn, discover and take risks on their own, were overwhelming. I’m not saying I’m going to start letting the boys light fires in the backyard, but I’ve stopped keeping such close tabs on them as well (and a closer one on my husband :-). Like most things in life and parenting, there needs to be a healthy balance.
“Reasonable risks are essential for children’s healthy development,” says
Joe Frost, an influential safety crusader.
How closely do you watch your kids?
Would you want them to play in a space like “The Land?”
If you’re not a parent – – what was your play like as a kid?
So glad you read that article and are preaching the message! I read Free Range Kids a few years back and it had a similar message: it really is fascinating how we’ve evolved into the over protective culture we have. I am fortunate to live in a neighborhood that is ideal for letting kids roam. They are out in the woods exploring and running around until dark, none of us parents hovering over them. I love giving them these opportunities to grow, learn and yes, make mistakes on their own. They also walk to school–I’m with my daughter part way and then she and all the other kids go on their own.
That is fantastic Amanda! So glad your kids get to roam and explore and that you have the courage to let them do it. M+V are still a little young to roam the ‘hood alone, but I give them a longer rope in our yard – for sure. In the Fall, they will be going to a school that is less then a mile from our house, and I always pictured myself walking them there. Can’t wait! Thanks again…
Wow this is an interesting article and a GREAT post. It is a shame that we can’t just live now. So many TV shows have given people ideas to do things and make us scared of things. Hm… will be thinking about this all day! Although my daughter is 20 months and can’t and shouldn’t really be alone or else she’ll end up in California!
It’s definitely something to think about – – and you have plenty of time! The boys (at 5) are still a little young to roam the neighborhood alone but, I give them much more leeway around our yard and home. Thanks Emma!
Definitely a bit of a smother mother here, too and you are right back when we were kids I would be outdoors all day long and never thought twice about being out there with my friends on my own. You definitely give great food for thought here on this though, but being a mother myself just brings a whole new layer to it.
I hear ya. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I’m going to at least try to loosen the reigns!
This is very interesting! I will have to think about it….I think I would be a bit on the smother side (and I home school so I am with them a lot) , but I don’t think I smother to a crazy extent. I do have to say the world is a different place than it was when I was a kid for sure so some of the precautions that I take I believe are for a good reason…but there are definitely things that kids should be able to do. Having spent a long time as a preschool teacher, I have seen some parents go to a crazy extent about germs and things that their kids can and can’t do.
I am not so sure about the Land?…or the fires! Definitely interesting
Part of what makes the article so great is that it makes you think about the “why!” And, the world (statistically speaking) is not very different at all from when we were kids. Trust me – it’s very hard for me to let go my smothering qualities but I’m interested to see what happens if I do! Also – my boys would absolutely love The Land, but I would have to just drop them off so I couldn’t actually SEE what they were doing there – ha ha ha!!!
I read a little of this article last week and have been processing it ever since as well.
We are fortunate to live in a neighborhood that has numerous kids. My kids are reaching the age where they are able to play outside on nice days without having to hoover. Some of the controlling nature is fear of other parents reactions. I feel great letting my kids go and play in neighbors yards but Ive heard a hand full of mothers dont like that because they feel like they’re babysitting everyone elses kids. So some of my hoovering comes from not wanting to take advantage of other parents! How messed up is that!? So I try to steer them in the direction of houses parent more similarly to me, ones that believe it takes a village and know they will send my kids home if need be. Furthermore, as parents everyone is so quick to judge, it really keep me acting like a hovercraft for fear I will be labeled a “bad” mom in a small community!
If you are craving more free roam time I highly suggest camping! We bought an RV for travel 2 years ago and it was the best family investment we’ve made! When you go camping there is no laundry, no cleaning, and no worries. Kids can play in the woods and play with other kids. It was funny, when we first started we almost had to teach the kids how to play in the woods!
We are actually leaving for our first camping trip of the season today!!! Bring on the fun in the woods, building fires and amazing trail runs!!
You bring up an excellent point!!! That is definitely a huge concern. In fact, when we go to the park, I hover around just because all the other moms are and I feel like I have to closely monitor my kids’ interactions with thetis “in case” something they say isn’t nice, etc. I can only imagine how it is when kids are playing at a neighbors house and they feel like they’re “babysitting!”
As for RV-ing, my husband and I have been plotting and planning for many years about taking the boys across the country in an RV! We already do a lot of camping and yes, there’s so much fun to be had in the woods – especially for my little boys.
Thanks so much Jodi – excellent points!!
DCF would get involved if I ever entertained the idea of having fire when I’m not around. However, with everything there is a balance. I DO have rubber mulch. I can let my kids go and they don’t know my “secret.”
Oh don’t even get me started on DCF! They would be much better off letting kids light fires 🙂
I was thinking that recently because I wanted to run inside to get Des, but Scarlet was alone in the garden with the puppy. Could I leave her for two minutes in her own protected, wooded yard? I thought I could and I did. It was weird, though.
As a kid, the five of us kids used to be on our own until dinner. We had hide-outs, forts, treehouses, stories, and even fires.
We all survived, obviously!
I think the news and social media make it seem like the world is more violent than ever before, but I think it’s just more reported.
The world was always violent. The world will always be violent..
Very true Tamara. According to this article (and MANY studies) it’s no more violent, we just hear about all the bad – constantly! Imagine if we heard instead every report of a kid who made it home safely everyday?
Reading this was fun for me in my generation we had even more freedom,rode our bikes everywhere,climbed on huge rocks,played in the brook,walked in the woods,my brother and his friends went to a place they called “wagon wheels”(old farm equipment I think he said). We feel we lived in the best of times. It was wonderful.
When I taught school it was ” no don’t let the children outside it’s too cold,or snowing etc…oh please! I would take my class for a little stroll down to the next school that had a playscape. I would watch 25 children alone…they would jump,fall,push etc….oh well they were fine…few scraped knees etc…no big deal . Oh I do remember my brother falling or jumping off a swing and had a egg on his forehead. The school did call my mother and she brought him to the ER . It never harmed his brilliance. We were ” free”! We had no seatbelts! We are still here. We had no bike helmets,free to feel the breeze. I am not saying some of these changes aren’t for the better…..but I loved growing up in the 50’s and playing kick ball in the road after dinner,sledding down the streets etc etc etc…
Enjoy your children and let them enjoy the wonders of their lives…..even an Oreo once in awhile 🙂
Oh Jane! Your voice still echoes in my ears with “You’ll live!” That was your response to every altercation on the blacktop at St. Edwards where kids would skin their knees EVERY recess! It was the perfect response – even though I didn’t think that at the time 🙂 You have the exact right attitude and parents should be thanking you for teaching their kids well! Actually, the kids should thank you too so THANK YOU JANE!
This is really fascinating. In general I do think that our children need to be given more independence in order to play, learn, and reach their full potential. Like you say, there’s a healthy balance between keeping our kids safe and not smothering them.
Exactly! I’m so glad that’s what you gleaned from reading this. Thank you 🙂
My husband would agree with this message 100%! He thinks parents in the US coddle their children too much. I guess I would have to be a parent to really have an informed opinion. But when I was a kid, I remember playing outside in the summer for long periods of time relatively unsupervised. I lived on a cul de sac with other kids so it was NBD. I wasn’t allowed to walk into town by myself though until I was a bit older…10, 11 or 12? I can’t really remember!
My husband said “This is pretty much a father’s point of view!” and he’s right. Most dad’s I know are pretty laid back with their kids…at least most of the dad’s of BOYS! Thanks Britt. Can’t wait until you can find out for yourself 🙂
It’s so difficult, trying to decide where to draw the line. We want our kids to be safe, but we also want them to have a childhood and to feel that they are capable on their own.
I was a “helicopter” mom, without a doubt. The funny thing is that it wasn’t just how I parented, but the innate abilities of the children. I parented my kids both the same way, and they’re 16 months apart too so they grew up together. Looking back, I think one needed to be pushed to do more on his own. The other is very independent. I wish, in retrospect, that I had been more attuned to how my parenting meshed with their personalities.
There’s a “happy medium” here, but it’s not just about parenting style.
Great point Karen! Of course every kid is different and has different needs. So important to keep in mind and very difficult to cater to different personalities. Thanks for this!
My kids play in the yard unsupervised – front and backyard but there was just an incident reported where a man came on to someone’s property to try and abduct the child. So now I prefer backyard. I do let my older son walk to his friends houses on the block or just around the corner. But honestly, boys do very stupid things and I have discovered my son “playing” in ways that I felt were hazardous so I do monitor them now and again. Most recently he found rope and was trying to swing his sister from the rafters jb the attic. While it sounds funny, I was scared the rope would slip around her neck or he would drop her from high up. It’s a very fine line. Like at what age do you let them go to the Mens room by themselves? I shutter at the thought. When we go away camping or skiing and there are a lot of other kids around, I find it easier to give them independence. Safety in numbers. The whole roaming the streets with distracted drivers looking at their phones…our parents didn’t have that issue. You know? Good topic Allie. Thought provoking.
You bring up a lot of good points Tara! And yes, boys do very stupid things at times and some of them need more supervision for sure – especially depending on age and maturity. My boys will need some sort of supervision for years, I’m sure!!
The men’s room thing also freaks me out. I’ll probably stand by the door or secretly send in my husband. If they don’t KNOW you’re watching them, they will feel independent, right?
BRAVO!!!! When I was little in the summer, I’d leave the house with my gang of friends. We’d bike all over the neighborhood. We’d play King of the Mountain on the 7-11 dumpster which involved SHOVING EACH OTHER OFF the dumpster onto the concrete, mind you, …around lunch time we’d spontaneously arrive at one of the kids houses to eat lunch…then we were back out roaming the neighborhood having fun. My mom literally had no idea where I was until I came home for dinner. It was glorious.
Times are just…different…and I don’ t necessarily think in a good way. I do think it’s good that kids wear helmets to ride a bike and sit in car seats (two things absent in my childhood)…but if I child is never given a chance to discover things…or think for himself/herself…or just fend off boredom…how will they ever know they can and grown into competent adults. Because the phenomenon doesn’t end when your child hits 10. There are people who do everything for their teens–they have no autonomy either–and you don’t automatically know that you are a capable person the minute you head to college. How can you learn responsibility if you’ve never been given any? I get that the stakes are high, but you can’t rise to the occasion if you are never given the chance.
I think most people who helicopter are doing it out of a very sincere motivation to help provide their children a safer and happier existence, I just think it has some very negative unintended consequences. I actually think those consequences that might affect them a lot more than skinning their knee would because they were left to bounce on old mattresses. WE PUSHED EACH OTHER OFF A DUMPSTER AND WE ALL LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT. In fact, it was totally fun. (and I am a very cautious person by nature. My family nickname was Cautious Clem. I can’t imagine how cautious I’d be if my mom made me afraid of everything. Seriously.)
I am so glad that this article pointed out that “stranger abduction” that everyone is so paranoid about, is far less likely to happen than being abducted by a family member. SO TRUE. How did we get to be so afraid of everything. 🙁 –Lisa
YES to everything you said! In fact, the author goes into the same detail you did about how we’re depriving kids of their independence. Instead of growing into adults by learning from their mistakes or taking risks – they simply mimic what an adult does by watching their parents. It’s kind of scary. And, the helmet thing drives me nuts! My kids wear them ice skating but that’s pretty much it. It’s gotten out of control.
Thanks so much and I’m so very glad you survived all that dumpster pushing and jumping! Deep down you’re a bada** 🙂
What a fantastic post Allie, I read it this morning on the train and I have been thinking about it ever since. I was just like you growing up, my mom let me play from sun up to sun down and only called me in for dinner. Every single parent knew and loved each other and the only time i went home was when I was hungry–sometimes I even ate at my friends’ house!
I have the same type of anxiety. When I leave the kids upstairs, I freak out if things get quiet. My husband sometimes wants to watch something that the kids can’t and he tells me all the time that they are “fine” I am constantly checking on them :/
It would take a lot for me to go let them play in the land, I have trouble letting them play normally!!
I am honestly no sure where the shift happened…its scary.
Good to know I’m not the only one constantly checking on them – and, our boys are still pretty young, so I’m hoping as they get older, I’ll calm down a bit!?
I’m glad this resonated with you as much as it did with me. If nothing else, I’m more aware that the kids really will be all right AND it’s healthy to let them explore and take reasonable risks.
Thanks Nellie!
One huge change…Molly Bish….and so many others that have been abducted and the person who did it was never caught.
Yes. The article also mentions Etan Patz who abductor was just recently caught. But, the percentages of that happening are still very small. The difference is the media bombardment of fear! That’s definitely something our parents didn’t really have to deal with.
It’s hard isn’t it?! I remember the first time I let the boys play outside without being out there – stressful and I watched through the window most of the time (we don’t have a fenced yard). Over time it got better but I still checked on them a lot.
Like you, I played outside all day and never checked in – I don’t know that my mom ever watched us out the window even!!!
It’s a completely different world but I try not to live in fear or raise my boys to be afraid. I want them to be aware of their surroundings and to know that there are risks but not be scared of everything. Now, they have phones so when they aren’t with us I do like them to check in!
I will definitely be watching out the window!!! And, yes, it’s all about balance of being aware and having the knowledge of fear but not being afraid. Just another challenge of being a parent, right? And, what did we ever do without cell phones??
You are so right. I grew up in a small rural town also where I rode my bike everywhere WITHOUT my parents and it was no big deal. Would I let my kids now? NO WAY. I’m not sure why, actually I do know why. I’m a pediatric intensive care nurse. I’ve seen the worst of the worst trauma situations and I’ll be damned if I let anything happen to my kid. I’m a hoverer and I hate that I do that, I wish I could relax a little bit more. I can’t let my kids go unsupervised right now, first the are 2 and 5 and those ages NEED to be closely supervised. They have no impulse control, and that will get them killed unfortunately. We live in a city…I have no back yard no front yard for them to play in, so HAVE to watch them closely.
Absolutely Sue! Those are ALL good reasons and yes, kids definitely can’t be left unsupervised at 2 and 5! And, because of your job, I can imagine you’ll have a very hard time letting them do anything…and I don’t blame you at all. Its just too real when that’s what you do all day!
I love this post! You are so right. I am a worrier by nature. I remember when I was a kid and I went to the park near the school I was attending by myself while I waited for my mother to get out of work. I would spends hours alone roaming around. This was in the mid 1970’s. I would never have allowed my boys to do that. Did anything happen to me? No. Could it have? Sure. Kids need that time to explore. I think it made me more wise and increased my confidence that I could handle myself appropriately. I realize that may have been a little crazy but that is where balance is key.
Independence for kids does ALL the things you mentioned – increased confidence, problem solving and increased knowledge. I think this article was a good reminder for me to just let them be sometimes. Thanks Kris!
Great post! So much wisdom to take away from it. I believe children need to be given some measure of independance – that’s how they learn from the mistakes they’ll make along the way, that’s how they grow and are strengthened and that’s when they begin to use their initiative.
Stopping by from SITS Saturday sharefest. Have a great day!
Thank you so much for stopping by! I absolutely agree with you, although it can be hard, it’s necessary.
Such an interesting article and concept. We are very lax with my son in that we let him explore, play, and generally just be a kid. I get a lot of slack for that at times. I’m not a hovering mother but always have an ear out to make sure he’s okay. I also try to balance letting him be with spending time doing activities together. I never want to have a bubble around him. When he’s an adult there won’t be a bubble. It’ll be real life, with ups and downs everyday. I think it’s good to expose him to that a little bit as a child.
I completely agree although, like you said, it can be hard if you’re the only mom not hovering. I’m going to test this out in the parks this summer. I’m sure it will be interesting!
I have been to that park, and we had one by us south of London growing up called Crystal Palace. It was a blast. We have a thirty foot easement behind us that then leads into some woods and a huge corn field. My kids have been known to disappear into that. The teen regularly long boards all day and I don’t see her. This past Spring Break I think I saw her three times, and I am an at home mum. She was out, and at sleep overs. I just ask that she check in and let me know when she is at what house, or if she is long boarding. The 11 y/o is just starting to get that freedom. We say safety in numbers, we live in a community with the school in the middle so they do walk to school.
At my oldests age I was catching the ferry to Paris and hanging for the weekend there with my girlfriends….. Yet here parents would freak if I was to let her go to another state at that age… We just let her go downtown with her girlfriend the other day, she had a blast. I was nervous but you know what, it was good for both of us. It showed me she will be ready to go to college next year, and be able to do it on her own…..
That is amazing that you have been there!! I think it’s really such a cultural thing, and what you get used to or, what is accepted in your community. Like you said – safety in numbers. If ALL the kids do it then there’s considerably less risk. Kudos to you for raising independent kids!
As a society, we’ve become so overprotective. I also think we tend to place blame on someone or something else when something goes wrong. People think nothing of suing for everything. I will never understand that, and I don’t understand how we got to be this way. When I was a little kid, I ran all over the place unsupervised. I rode my bike to school, miles away. I crossed busy roads and deserted lots to get to a roller skating rink with friends. No parents came with us. Somewhere along the way as I got older, my parents got a lot more overprotective. We moved a lot, so maybe that was why. I’m not sure.
I try to find a happy medium with my own kids…my boys always played in the woods across from our house with their friends. They walk downtown by themselves and with friends. But still you worry. However, I think if we don’t ever give them those freedoms, we’re doing them a disservice.
I agree Michelle and the suing has gotten way out of control – which also contributes to the fear. It’s a bad cycle. It’s great that you can give your kids so much leeway, even though, at times I’m sure it’s very hard!
I have had that copy of the Atlantic sitting on my coffee table since it arrived and haven’t had a chance to sit and read it yet. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, even before the article came out. I do think that we (my husband and I) are way overprotective sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because we live in a city and if we would be different if we lived in the suburbs. Probably not.
I also think that there’s a larger issue in just our society and culture. We are such a litigious society. Yes, worried about the accidents and getting sued and protecting our asses. But also whether or not we, as parents, offer our kids the opportunity to explore their independence, there’s often someone else watching who doesn’t think that’s a good choice and calls us on it or worse, reports us.
I too think that it’s a huge disservice not to give kids that freedom to explore and trust themselves and know themselves. We’re trying to find a balance here.
You hit the nail on the head with the fear of being sued coupled with other parents interfering and judging you or (going way overboard) and reporting you. It seems to have just gotten so out of control. You need to read the full article – I’m sure you’ll get a lot out of it!
Sounds like a very interesting article…love the cover of the magazine. As a new mom of a son who is very adventurous naturally I am learning to let go of my own stuff and allow him to explore without hoovering. He’s a man’s man kind of boy and I am letting go of my need to protect him from everything…it’s hard but definitely worth it in the long run…I hope:-)
I feel your pain! It’s very hard – especially with boys who are very brave and curious. Just do the best you can. It’s all any of us can do!
Sometimes what we don’t know (as a parent), won’t hurt us, and it will help our kids. That’s easier said than done, though. I don’t think I was a horrible smotherer when my kids were little, but I may be remembering wrong 🙂 Now that they have phones, it’s actually easier to back off more. When my son rides his bike to a friend’s house, he calls me when he gets there and we’re good.
This parenting gig is scary – I think we are so much more aware of horrible things that happen than we were when we were kids, so that feeds the fear.
Yes, it’s very, very hard for sure. Having cell phones definitely makes it a little easier. I don’t know how mothers survive raising children at all sometimes!!
What a great post! I have often thought I need to give my kids more independence and when I do, they are OK! So much of the hovering has to do with ME and not them. Great food for thought:)
I agree Leah! It’s pretty much ALL me – they want to go and explore and just be. Now I take more time to let them go, and they always look back to see where I am. It’s a balancing act but can definitely be hard at times!
We had a lot of freedom and unsupervised play as children. We were even allowed to set small fires, burning dead leaves. It was considered a household chore we were allowed to help with. We grew up unscathed.
It is hard to hold back the fear as a parent these days. I think the difference between parenting now and 30, 40 years ago, is the prevalence of information that is easily accessible these days. It makes all the scary stories come to live in our faces, even if people live halfway across the world. Crime may not be more prevalent now, but we know more about everything these days. Which makes our fear come to the forefront.
Sigh, if only things were simpler.
That’s exactly what it is Alison. Every Dateline and 48 Hours I watch makes me more afraid! Even the evening news is filled with “scary” stories. Maybe I just need to turn off the tv 🙂