…when these two animals are supposed to walk down an aisle in a wedding?
Dear Lord help me because I do not know!
This Saturday….wait, wait, let me back up…thirty some odd years ago my cousin Brendan was born. Too far? Ok, so you may remember the groom as my favorite cousin because he hooked me, my hubs and some friends up for the Jay-Z JT concert at Fenway a few months back.
Yes, he works for the Red Sox. That would cause me giddy excitement if 1. I gave a flying shit about baseball and 2. see number one. What I do give a flying shit about is sitting in a ballpark for a game or concert on a beautiful day or warm night enjoying all the perks of having a cousin who works for such an amazing place has to offer. I have indulged and Brendan has obliged because he’s awesome like that. Then he met his bride. She works for the Patriots. I know, seriously? That’s not what I love about her of course. I love her because she’s a bigger Packer fan then I am! GO PACK GO!
This Saturday, they’re getting married. Almost a year ago, they asked the twins to be in the wedding. I was so excited, I cried. Yes, at times I show human emotion. Now that the wedding is tomorrow I’m crying for fear of what they may say or do.
My fear list:
1. Them doing something they have seen on You Tube. Here’s a tip: when you’re trying to explain to a kid what being a ring bearer means, do not show them clips from You Tube! You know what’s on there, right? Kids crying, screaming, licking the floor and wrestling down the aisle. Why in God’s name would I not have screened these first? Because I’m tired. That’s why.
2. Yelling out “poopie” or “idiot” or Miles, in particular, telling a wedding guest “I’m going to punch you in the face.” They are obsessed with poop talk, think the word idiot is right up there with an f-bomb and Miles loves to tell me, his dad, and random strangers that he’s going to assault them. He’s precious.
3. They won’t budge. Lately when I remind them about the wedding and what they’re going to do they respond with “I’m not doing that!” Perfect.
4. The bride’s adorable nephew is also “walking” down the aisle with the boys. I put that in quotes because he’s three. Yes, three boys under the age of four walking down an aisle. What? My boys are supposed to help him get to the alter. When I tell them that and try to appeal to their machismo, saying you’re the big boys and need to help him, they both respond, in stereo, with “No.”
Brendan, if you’re reading this, don’t panic. I have taken measures to ensure success!
1. I have my car loaded with brand new Hot Wheels, Skylanders and Toy Story color changers ready for full bribery! If I have to hold those suckers at the end of the aisle like dog biscuits, I will…and they will run down the damn thing to get them. They’re like an audience at Oprah’s Favorite Things when they see any one of those toys.
2. Their Memere has also bribed them with $5 each if they walk, like gentlemen, down the aisle. Um, if these two were gentlemen there would be no need for bribery, right? Also, as they recall it now Meme, it’s $7 each so get your wallet ready.
Time will tell what happens. They have the coolest outfits I’ve ever seen, complete with bow ties & Chuck Taylors so at least they will look good.
No matter what, it will be memorable!
Have any funny wedding stories to share? Have your kids ever been part of a wedding? What was the outcome? Do you have any tips for me?
Anyone who hooks you up with tickets to see Jay-Z automatically gets “favorite” status..and he works for the Red Sox!! And his bride-to-be works for the Patriots?! WOW! Hooray for favorite cousins!!
You are a wise, wise woman to have stacked the deck in your favor by promising Hot Wheels and other goodies.. GENIUS!! Your Oprah’s Favorite Things photos made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my coffee!! Bwahahahahaha! Then…an additional $5 on top of that? It’s a no brainer…they will be AWESOME!!!
I love that the boys have been given such a wonderful part in the ceremony. They will be adorable. I can’t wait to hear about how fantastic they were. I hope you get lots of photos!!!
Our flower girl declined to walk down the aisle when the time came, so I have no advice. She wasn’t a fan of Hot Wheels, so we didn’t have much luck. It was fine and she looked ADORABLE in the pictures, so it all ended well!! –Lisa
Yes, my cousin is truly awesome. I love enjoying all the perks his job has to offer and I’m so happy about the boys being in the wedding…except I’m overcome with fear!!! I’m most afraid they will wrestle each other down the aisle and poor little Jonas (the three-year old) will be caught up in it all!! Time will tell. Thanks for everything!! Here’s goes nothin’…
Have fun at the wedding. And I remember when we were getting married and wanted our two young nieces to be flower girls. Someone told us try to keep it to kids over 4, because those under that age are wild cards. While, I picked my husband’s 7 year old god daughter, who still at the last minute cried for dad while we were waiting for the limo to pick us up. Morale of the story no matter what age they, they are still unpredictable. But the good news she walked down the aisle perfectly and have people pictures of her to this day. So all was well that ended well 🙂
At least the bride and groom know what they’re getting into! Kids are definitely unpredictable so, whatever happens, I’m sure it will be adorable…and definitely memorable! Thanks Janine.
You so totally made me laugh!
I’m sure they’ll be okay. Kids can be surprising. But get someone to film the moment, just in case it can be used as YouTube viral material. 😉
Good luck and congratulations to Brendan!
(also very cool that he works for the Red Sox – one of my bloggy friends’ nephew is Trey Ball!)
Trey Ball? I have no idea who that is but assuming it’s a player and therefore is unbelievably cool!! I will absolutely have someone filming if for nothing else but a blog post follow-up! Thanks Allison.
Oh girl you got me giggling on the train and wondering oh my gosh WHAT is going to happen?! I can’t wait for the recap, please promise there is a recap, with pictures because I can’t even imagine how insanely cute they are going to be!!!!
I love that he hooked you guys up! And that she works for the patriots!! So fun.
I hope they don’t say anything crazy to the guests until the reception, I have no doubt they can get down the aisle in one piece…will they want to is the real question. 3 boys under five. That is so crazy! Everytime my kid gets around other boys with his energy level, ish goes bananas.
Good luck mama!!
I know!! Totally boy bananas! I will absolutely be recapping. I’m hoping to get the hubs to shoot a video since I’ll be busy with bribery tactics. Thanks Nellie!
Wait, what? Bow ties & Chuck Taylors?? Yeah, it pretty much doesn’t matter what they do. I think there’s a large allowance of confusion, misbehavior, shenanigans allotted for very young flowers girls/ring bearers, etc. And people do love to giggle. And most likely, they’ll do a very good job and the people jonesing for comic relief will have to get it elsewhere.
When my mom married my (step)dad, my little sister was the flower girl and she got really confused halfway through and had to sit on my Grandma’s lap the whole time. For some reason a year later, she was asked to be flower girl at my Aunt’s wedding and she really had to pee while standing up next to the bride and groom and she kept doing the “pee dance” and making my Great Uncle Milt snort with laughter.
I love that you have a Great Uncle Milt. That is awesome. Yes, there’s definitely some leeway when there’s kids involved and I’m sure no one expects this to go off without a hitch. Pun intended.
We shall see…
OMG you will have to post a video! If your predictions are dead on it will a very memorable wedding! My kids were never a part of any wedding so I missed out. Good bribes by the way! I’m sure by tomorrow it will be up to $10!
It’s probably up to 10 and may make it to $15 by the ceremony. These are not dumb kids. Whatever happens, there will be video and that video shall be posted! Can’t wait to see what happens…
Ohhh man! Your boys are too funny! I love the first photo where the boys are both sticking their tongues out. I wonder why they are so against the concept? They get to be the center of attention and wear cool sneakers!
Also, are you allowed to work for the Patriots if you are a Packes fan!? 🙂
I don’t think they realize when they *are* the center of attention (always!) because when things go quiet, they usually follow suit. It will be interesting for sure!
As for the Patriots? As long as Brady doesn’t know she pines for Rodgers, I think it’s ok:-)
They are going to be absolutely adorable and perfectly behaved little gentlemen! If they’re not, I can’t wait to hear the story next week! And pictures, PLEASE!! Those little dapper divos in bow ties and Chucks?! Ladies, watch out. I am giong to warn you though. Don’t wear mascara unless it’s waterproof. My oldest was the flower girl in a wedding in August, and it was all I could do not to bawl my eyes out. It.Was.Precious!!
Oh my gosh you’re so right Nicole! We had the rehearsal last night and I was crying already. They are going to be great…I hope…and I will definitely need tissues!!
Hilarious! Sounds like one exciting weekend ahead… I hope they surprise you and do exactly what they’re supposed to!
Fingers crossed! The rehearsal went well so hopefully that’s a good sign.
I can’t wait to see pictures of how cute these two will be! As a parent of only one very crazy boy, I empathize with you.
I see nothing wrong with bribery to get them to “behave” as they walk down the aisle. Maybe you can reward them later with doing a freestyle dance during the reception? They can scream all the bathroom words they know since the music will likely be loud (or perhaps everyone will be drunk)? Just a thought.
Have a blast!
Brilliant!! Everyone will be dancing *and* drunk so win/win there. Thanks Melissa!!
I’m sitting her laughing out loud reading this post. I’m with you on these 3 boys walking down the aisle for a wedding. I can’t wait to hear how it went. I didn’t realize you were a Packers fan. I think Aaron Rodgers is so awesome. I love the athletes that are humble. I think he does alright in that area 🙂 I know you must be upset though about him being hurt right now. We are die hard Cowboys fans. I know you must be looking at the screen right now with your nose turned up! LOL.
Ha ha! No turned up noses – I have Romo on my fantasy football team so I’ve been routing for him all year! I agree about Rodgers, he does a good job of laying low and being humble for having such amazing talent. I’m crushed that he’s hurt but, unfortunately it’s part of the game.
Oh man! I was freaking out about a family photo session last weekend. That was nothing compared to walking down the aisle of a wedding. GOOD LUCK!!!!
And I like you even better now that I know you are a Packer fan. Woohoo! But seriously, can you hook me up with some Sox or Patriot tickets???? 😉
GO PACK GO! Wooohoooo! Yes, I can totally hook you up with tix to the Sox and then we can meet up and blog about it. Next season for sure!!
Your dismissal of my Red Sox and my Patriots is inexcusable. Seriously!
I saw the Police from a luxury box at Fenway. Bet Jay -Z was a blast.
As much as it kills me to say it, based on your inexcusable disregard for my teams, I hope all goes well at the wedding and your boys make you proud. After all, it IS the wedding of someone who works for the Sox and someone who works for the Pats!
Ha ha ha!! I knew I would get some flack for that. I just can’t get into baseball. I do love to go to Fenway and watch (drink) a game in the summer but football is my thing. Luxury police boat? That sounds very fancy! Yes, Jay-Z was a blast!! Thank you for commenting every though I inexcusably poo-pooed your team.
They will probably walk down like perfect gentlemen!!!
Or, maybe they will be true ring “bears” and roar all the way down – that may or may not have been Hunter’s solution when he was 4!
Can’t wait to hear about it soon!
The rehearsal went really well so let’s hope that’s a good sign and their inner “bears” remain dormant. Thanks Kim!
Having a boy myself, I know that this could definitely go either way. Dangle those Skylanders girl! Dangle away – and pray for the best…
Oh I will be!!! Thanks Ilene!
I can’t wait to hear about this! And see if Miles actually threatens to punch someone. Because that IS precious. At least to me sitting on the outside. What if he threatens to punch the brides nephew? I mean they do need to get the kid to walk down the aisle with them. That would help.
I’ll walk down the aisle for $7.
Have a great time and don’t worry about it. They’re going to be cute.
Thanks Carla! There were no threats made – thank God! They did get their 5 bucks:-)
I can’t wait to see how it goes! I imagine you are there right now! When Rob and I got married, our kids were in our wedding party. We had some really funny things happen – as they ranged from just turned 3 to 9. Sam (3) sat at our feet and refused to leave during the ceremony. Zandra (7) wouldn’t stop calling out and making comments. Josh would not sit still and kept moving chairs. Later, Sam was outside with all the guests and said he had to pee. He just pulled his pants down and peed in a puddle right then and there (it had rained earlier in the day). Oh yeah and how can I forget that Zandra’s Mom (Rob’s ex obviously) had painted Zandra’s nails BLACK and sent her off to our wedding (to match her pink flower dress I’m guessing)…. good times, good times…. hope you have a fabulous time!
OMG that makes me feel so much better – except that it’s excepted with ALL those kids. Mine were the only two (besides Jonas the other ring bearer) so it was a little different.
Black nail polish? Really? So ridiculous.
Oh man. I would have those same fears but I hope that everything went well and smoothly at the wedding. That’s awesome that your cousin got you tickets to see JT and Jay-Z! I wanted to go to that concert this summer too. Heard they were amazing.
The concert was AMAZING! Probably the best show ever…and I’ve seen a lot. Thanks Christine!
lol…hopefully the boys do well. and how fun will a Jay-Z concert be..have an awesome time!!
It was awesome! I would see it 10 times over. Thank you!!
I’m late and this has all transpired by now. Congrats to the newly weds! They knew what they were getting into 🙂 I’m sure they were counting on a classic twin moment to still the show & probably calm the nerves of the groom with a laugh, lol!
It was interesting! I’ll be writing all about it…
….happy belated sits day 🙂
They both did a GREAT job. So all the bribery worked… I hope they collected all their money when they passed go.
Oh yes they did! AJ got an even better video then I did. I’ll have to share that one too…
Thanks Auntie Laurie!