…but apparently it helps. I finally had the opportunity to meet my new coach who is an actual, honest to God, rocket scientist. About 7 minutes into the Bike Endurance Test she put me though, I was wishing I had never met her. I’m getting ahead of myself already. Apparently my fingers are the only thing on my body not begging for mercy right now.
As most of you know I’m traveling to Pontevedra, Spain this May to compete for Team USA at the Duathlon World Championship. It’s unbelievably scary since I still do not consider myself a cyclist, hence the hiring of Coach Rocket Scientist. I found her though Training Peaks which is an online training resource that offers programs for a variety of athletic events, and can even hook you up with an amazing coach who lives within a 30 mile radius of you. Not bad.
Hell on wheels.
Coach Rocket Scientist (CRS) is obviously smarter then all of us but, I found out, is not without a sense of humor. Our planned meeting was set up so I could go though something called a Functional Threshold Power Test. Sounds like my kind of fun, right? So the night before our meeting (which was already postponed once due to my sickness!) there was a snowstorm. I sent an email basically saying unless we get 30 inches, I’ll be there. This is what she sent in return:
Hopefully there won’t be any issues, but don’t worry if the snow poses a problem.
I’m so looking forward to meeting you!
And having a nice cup of coffee while you slave away on the test :))
And she absolutely did have a cup of coffee and proceeded to say “At least it’s not wine. Now that would be cruel.” Cruel? Funny you bring that up CRS because I’m in hell right now. The Functional Threshold Power Test consisted of me cycling “as hard as I can” for thirty minutes. Thirty.Minutes. Here’s how it unfolded:
10 minute warm-up: Did I mention I haven’t been on my new bike yet? Yeah. I thought getting on it for the first time for the endurance test was a super idea. Hey – I can’t control the weather yet so… The warm-up was more like “Allie, meet your bike” “Bike, meet Allie” There was a love connection.
A laptop was positioned in front of me with an image of a girl on a bike (presumably me) displayed on the screen in a race scenario with a “start” banner and all. I could see the time, my RPM, heart rate and a few other things that didn’t seem too important. CRS tweaked a few cables that were attached to it and then the screen flashed 3, 2, 1 GO!
First 5 Minutes: I wish I could say they were a total blur but oh no, they were very painful. I raced out of the gate even though I was told to somewhat pace myself so I could make it to 30 minutes in one piece. My heart rate shot up and I quickly realized I had to slow my roll! I lowered a gear and tried to settle in.
10 Minutes In: At this point I was thinking to just take it in 10 minute chunks. I can mentally handle 10 minute clips of time.
15 minutes In: I decided I could barely handle 2 minutes at a time and my thoughts got a little blurry from this point on. I was so happy to reach the half way mark that I yelled out “half way!” CRS responded (after a long sip of coffee) with “Yep.” She’s super motivating.
20 Minutes In: I actually started rethinking the entire trip to Spain. I shit you not. I was in so much pain, I could barely breathe, I was sweating like a pig and figured I may be dead in another 10 minutes anyway so then I wouldn’t have to worry about it. When death is a welcome option, you’re clearly doing something insane. Like childbirth.
25 Minutes In: My water bottle feels like I’m lifting one of the twins, one-handed. I want to dump the entire thing on my head. I try again with CRS and say “Five minutes to go.” Her response? “It’s a long five minutes but you’re doing it.” What the…?? Ok, tough love. I get it. It really sucks being on the receiving end of training. I can hear all of my past clients collectively laughing their asses off. I should have video taped it for their pleasure. Psychos!
The Finish: It was ugly but I made it.
This is what I felt like, except I had to remain seated. Bad hamster!
Naturally I wanted to know how amazing I did and how I stacked up against other cyclists my age, etc. Yeah well there was none of that. CRS just shrugged and said it was a baseline and pointed out where I could improve. She is all business people. I have to remember that she was actually part of Mission Control. I mean, what?
The Analysis:
– I rock when I bike and it’s not an awesome thing like “You rock!” it’s more like use your core and cut it out! She actually took a video of me from behind and I could not believe what I looked like! Not because of my ass but because of the rocking – whoa!
– I need to relax. Well there’s a bulletin. But really, I need to relax my shoulders and back when I’m in the aero bars.
– My pedal efficiency leaves a lot to be desired. I knew this and now I know how to start correcting it.
Overall I LOVE CRS. She is exactly what I need and was already a wealth of information. The fact that we’re both twin moms and that she will be in Spain is just like getting to ride on a flat road with no hands! Relaxing and comforting.
She’s also going to teach me how to change a tire (finally!) and what all the cool kids do (or don’t do) with their bikes: plastic chain protectors? Not cool. Got it!
Now, if only she was also a massage therapist…
Have you ever found yourself in a situation you desperately wanted to get out of? Have you ever hired a coach for anything? Do you know a rocket scientist?
Love reading this… i’ve done the treadmill threshold but never the bike. I used Training Peaks with my running team this past fall. Yea those tests are not and do not seem like anything I ever want to sign up for again… but you, my dear are a rockstar!
Thank you Emma but I’ve never felt LESS like a rock star! Gotta love Training Peaks. I really do like the set-up and plans they have plus my coach can add my workouts in for me. It’s pretty cool.
So awesome that you got to do this. I’m sure it will benefit your cycling in big ways. I did a VO2 max test on a treadmill years ago. It sucked, but I loved all the info I got from it. It’s time to do one again, I think!
I think I told you that one of my dearest friends is a rocket scientist. Where I live, actually, there are sooo many people like that around (DC area). It’s easy to feel like a big dummy here!
YES you did tell me that. Becky (my coach) said she is the butt of many, many jokes and her sister got her a shirt that says “Actually I AM a rocket scientist.” So cool.
I would love to do a VO2 max test. I know it would be horribly painful but oh the data!!
I think this is just so awesome!!! You had me laughing a lot but I’m sure you were not laughing from the way you discribed it. I really think you’re going to be fine. The best part of hiring a coach is they push you to the limits (safely) so all you have to do is perform optimally 🙂 I personally need the expertise of a coach to guide me to my ultimate goal. I need the guidance, supervision, and advice sort of like you might need to learn how to change a tire. While googling online plans work for some it’s just not my cup of tea I want something tailored just for me so that’s why I pick coaches. Everytime I run a marathon I ask myself why did I want to do this again? And in the end it’s always so rewarding. Keep at it you will be happy come may!
So true Holly!! Because this event is so big and involves something I’m not completely comfortable with (cycling) I knew I needed some expert guidance. It’s actually nice to just open my plan and follow what I’m supposed to do for the day with no second guessing. Good luck with finding a coach. There’s so many options out there that I’m sure you’ll find the perfect trainer for you and your goals.
Given your incredible level of fitness and accomplishment, I am not surprised at ALL that it takes a rocket scientist to train you! A Functional Threshold Power Test sounds terrifying. In fact I am feeling all anxious just thinking about it. Your description of the experience only reinforced that. It sounds nightmare inducing. I love the biking hamsters. BWAHAHAHA. And I am still waiting for a photo of you in a pointy helmet!! –Lisa
Ha ha ha ha – we actually discussed the pointy helmet. I’m pretty sure she AND her husband are both pointy helmet owners and wearers.
The test was brutal and I am having nightmares about it. The best part? I have to do it AGAIN!!!
God bless you and think I would have been crying. I so am not a going to lie and tell you I am a weakling compared to what you described here and seriously not sure I would have lasted a minute let alone 20! But seriously, sounds like you are the right and capable hands. So proud of you and know you are going to kick but when you do get to Spain 🙂
I felt like crying. My mind was crying for sure! After it was over I felt good about it but I’m not looking forward to doing it again. I’m definitely confident in my coach and happy that I just need to follow her plan without having to over think anything!
hard core!! I did a VO2MAx on a treadmill but it only lasts about 10 minutes…I think a 30 min bike would have had me passing out. Can’t wait to keep learning more about biking this year!
I’ve always wanted to do the VO2 max test but now I’m not so sure! It was killer.
Thanks Amanda!
This is cool and I knew you could do it! The great thing is that you learned things that will help you crush it in Spain! I am so excited for you! Year of the Bull!
Thanks Shannon! I was definitely looking at my bracelet during the test and thinking “help me BULL!” It did not help. Ok, well, maybe a little 🙂
30 minutes all out on the bike? F! And that ‘F’ does not stand for fabulous. Sounds like absolute hell, but you’re going to learn so much from CRS. And, when you learn to change a flat, you can pass along those mad skillz to this mama!
‘F’ is right!!
I will hold a tire changing clinic. Maybe a youtube video? I’m sure that’s NEVER been done before 🙂
Holy crap batman… can I just stick to my workouts out carrying shopping bags & lifting wine glasses? Dude- that shit just got cray cray… I’m working on use of my left foot for jogging, but, that bike scares me… I think I would rather go through 10 hours of labor again, your descriptions were so good!,LOL. All kidding aside, you, my dear, are the f’king woman!!!! WooHoo!!! ~A~
Ha ha thanks Amber! I had two glasses of wine that night and savored every, well-earned drop!
“When death is a welcome option, you’re clearly doing something insane. Like childbirth.” I’ve so been there…probably during my first delivery. It was 55 minutes and they let you go for at least three hours, but I thought I must have hit four hours and either forceps/c-section were coming my way.
I think you do rock on your bike, and I mean in the “you rock” way and not just the “use your core” way.
This sounds amazingly hard. And you can do it.
And I have probably met a rocket scientist, but he/she didn’t leave in impression, because I can’t recall any specifics!
Thanks Tamara! I think you rock too! Any woman who has gone though childbirth is a total freakin’ rock star 🙂
30 minutes? I can barely do 30 seconds.
You rock. Like, “You rock, Allie!”
Thanks Alison! Aside from childbirth, it was the LONGEST 30 minutes of my life.
Sounds like she will do a great job training you! It’s nice to have a coach for sure! Biking that hard for 30 minutes is pretty amazing. I have never hired a coach but was considering it for my half marathon training.
I highly recommend it. Being on both sides of the equation, a coach can do so much for you, if you pick the right one. I love the idea of someone else planning my workouts and keeping me on track. Mostly I need her to tell me to REST 🙂 what’s that??
I hired this amazing coach in 2010. She changed my world for the better and made me believe ‘I’m possible ..not impossible of achieving my goals’! Routes get rerouted, however no matter what I set my own pace in the race for life and finish strong!
To this day she is my inspiration.. thank you Allie ♡ #miyagistrong
Why do you have to make me cry? You are the best! Really Marisa, I love you girl. You are the definition of “possible!”
I cried when I typed it..you really saved my life in so many ways ♡ So excited & happy for you :-))
I think it helps any situation when 2 people have a lot in common. I’m sure the twin mom connection has you all giddy in sessions, lol! She sounds great! “Rock” it out!
We were definitely giddy swapping birthing/pregnancy stories. At one point, they thought she was having triplets!! Crazy.
I’ve never done a 30 minute threshold myself but I’ve run one on an athlete. Picture me as CRS sitting back and drinking coffee! It sucks but you get so much info that can only help you.
I’m picturing it. Ha ha ha!! It will absolutely help me though my endurance training. This time I’m training SMARTER! Thanks Angela 🙂
Wow, you are going to improve my leaps and bounds with her guidance… how exciting!!
I hope so! It’s very exciting…especially now that the test is over!
Oh my gosh! I feel like this in spin class except I’m probably working half as hard as you were on this. I’ve contemplated throwing my weighted bar at my instructor! Unfortunately the effects for me are that I feel like I’m going to throw up!
I live the CRS! I had a rocket scientist physics tutor. Lets just say it was not as successful as your experience. She was great and obviously very smart but there is a reason I’m not a doctor people!
I’m so impressed with your training! We need to set up a social media group with its own hashtag to cheer you in for the race!
That’s exactly what my spin class said “Now you know how we feel!” So true. Ugh.
I would love, love, love to set that up. I think about so many of you guys when I’m training and you know I’ll be tweeting and posting like mad!!
Thanks Britt 🙂
So, I was dying laughing reading this and then all of a sudden I stopped because if it was that much of a struggle for you I would have been a puddle on the floor after about 5 minutes!!!
And, your CRS cracks me up. Next time you need some of us to Skype and we will motivate and encourage you the entire time!!!
I’m not so sure about that Kim, you’re pretty tough and just as stubborn as I am. You would probably ENJOY some of it!! And, of course, you would have to do 44 minutes 🙂
I LOVE the Skype idea! I’m positive CRS could hook that up in minutes!
OK – next time you have the torture test – give us a bit of a heads up and we (I know that others will join in!!) will hop on and push you!!!
I WILL!! I need to do that test again at some point – ugh.
Sounds like CRS is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you. . . if you live through it.
RIGHT!
I’m so excited for you! It’s good to have a tough coach with a good sense of humor. It will help whip you into tip-top shape for the AMAZING competition you’re so fortunate to be a part of! I know I’ll be rooting for you!
Thank you so much! You know I wouldn’t want my coach ANY other way 🙂
I HAVE BEEN IN WAYYYYYY toooo many situations that I have wanted SO BADLY to get out of! A lot of them have to do with going out at night. I am just not a fan of house parties, bars, night clubs – The second I walk in, I WANT OUTTTT!! It’s funny because when people learn this about me they are shocked because I come off as such a “party girl” – Well, NOPE!!! NOT AT ALL.
If I were on that bike, I WOULD WANT TO GET OFF IN negative 5 seconds! LOL!
I AM a little surprised by that miss party pants! I’m soooo like that. I’ve leaned to not get myself in those situations in the first place but, well, sometimes sh*t happens and I need to make up excuses to get outta dodge!!
No doubt in my mind that this is going to help you, even though it is painful. It will only get easier…and think of how happy you will be in Spain…
I’m trying! I know this is the best thing I can do for my training but I have to be able to whine about it too. 🙂
wowza Allie…you are such a rockstar…way to go!! and CSR…she sounds amazing and soooo smart!!
She’s WAY smart but also very down to earth and, of course, that sense of humor does not fail her. I think we’re going to make a great team.
Visiting from the SITSgirls ShareFest… and oh, so pleased that I stumbled upon your blog. Great story! Who would have EVER thought you would have an honest to goodness rocket scientist for your coach? Hearing her comments made me wonder if she might have been channelling Sheldon Cooper from the BIg Bang Theory, and had me literally laughing out loud. Thanks for the chuckle, as I sipped MY cup of coffee this morning.
Ha ha – that’s so great! Thanks for stopping by. Hope you enjoyed that coffee as much as she did 🙂
When we biked over the Golden Gate Bridge with the kids and another 20 miles or so after that, I wanted to be done after 10 miles or so. Knowing that I had to keep going pissed me off, as did the shooting pain in my left glute. But I needed to set a good example for my kids, so I cursed to myself as I brought up the rear. That actually made me feel better. Even as I was reading this, I knew you’d like this coach – I would too. Why have a pansy coach? I could do that myself. You are going to rock it (the right way) in Spain!
Oh I feel your pain on that one! Mama’s gotta keep going for the kids!!
I totally love CRS. You know I want someone to kick my butt 🙂
I have never hired a coach, but condsidering it for my next marathon. I really want to work towards a BQ and think it might help. Not sure how much they cost or if I can afford it though.
It’s so worth it and you can probably find one that fits your budget. I hired a coach just to lay out a 12 week plan for me to qualify for Boston and it worked like a charm! Good luck – I know you can do it!
This is awesome!! Congratulations on going on the trip by the way. I’ve never hired a coach, but know it would be super beneficial. I can only imagine how painful that 30 minutes must have been- and to have the CRS looking over your shoulder the whole time! Looking forward to hearing more about it! Makes me want to start triathlon training again!! PS, you made me laugh multiple times in this post!
So glad I could make you laugh! You would be such a beast in the TRI – I would love to read all about it.
So so awesome that you’ve got yourself a kick-ass coach. Not that I doubted that you were going to kick ass before but the wealth of information that she can offer is huge! I’m really excited for you Allie.
It really is great to have a coach. It takes so much guesswork out of it and I trust her already. Thanks Christine!
Allie, I would have been lying on the floor dead next to the bike. Thank God you have an awesome sense of humor about this. And how great that you seem to have found the right coach. Even though you may be muttering under your breath about her as she trains you. I can’t wait to see how this progresses!
Thanks Ilene! I truly wanted to lay down next to the bike and die when it was over but I had to make a somewhat good first impression. She is pretty awesome and I think we’re going to make a great team.